Much Better.

So I slept 8 - 9 hours last night and am having a normal day (with the help of Lamictal and Klonopin). Not a normal-for-being-crazy day, but a normal-people normal day. I've had normal emotions. I was slightly anxious before my Dr. appointment, but not uncontrolled or to the point of affecting behavior. I teared up a little bit (appropriately) at one point during the appointment, I felt sad over a circumstance, but it passed quickly. I've been interacting with my son besides for discipline, and not in an overly-childish-hypomanic way. He was sassy and I didn't loose my control of my anger - in fact, I wasn't angry at all. A little irritated, but whatver, I got over it in a fraction of a second.

So... new problem. And this one I'm finding funny. :)

I went to hug my fiance - not unusual. And he shrugs me off. I'm like, "What's wrong?" He says, "You're acting wierd today. Your behavior is off." I reply, "What, I'm not depressed or crazy!" He says, "It's going to take me a while to get used to it.

Whatever. LOL

I do like this normal day, and I plan to go to bed early, take the Klonopin - I have a lot to do to get ready for weekend guests and that would normally cause a lot of anxiety.

I DID drop off all my extra meds at the clinic. My pdoc was like "You are on Lamictal" and I say "There's enough Lamictal in the bag to put me in a coma." They're like "we don't know what to do with it." "I don't care, just take it away from me before I change my mind!!"

LOL. One step forward.

My fiance is out on a long call tonight. I couldn't hear exactly, but he started swearing when he heard the voicemail. Sounded like a dog's eyeball fell out? Hope it wasn't hit by a car too or something. :( At least he's not on call this weekend.

Because of that, I didn't fall asleep before 9 and I got my rush of nighttime energy. God help me sleep! :( I HAVE to sleep. We can't handle another day of my crazy!!

I slept 10 hours last night, and I'm feeling normal. I have a little anxiety, but I'm also getting ready for weekend guests and did a lot of shopping. I'm considering it normal and I'm holding out on taking Klonopin. I know it is habit forming and I'm worried about that.

I figured out sleeping arrangements and bought an extra table and chairs so everyone can sit down for meals together. Those two things were really stressing me out! Now I can settle down, cook dinner (easy crockpot dinner), and tidy up the house a little. Because of my little hypomania on Wednesday? morning, the house is still quite clean. I don't have too much to do.

I was stressing out about clenaing the rabbitry, but the neighbor girl is going to come over this afternoon and help. I hope it goes quickly.

Thank you all for your support. Just having a platform for describing what I experienced was helpful. It feels so unreal and is difficult to describe to anyone who hasn't experienced a mood disorder.

My brother, his wife and kids are here. There is a 2 yr old, 3 yr old, and 4 yr old. Oh the joy! (sarcasm!)

I was completely overwhelmed this morning and it was a choice between 1) try to tough it out and be a killjoy 2) take Klonopin and hope for the best or 3) sleep. I took a 3 hour nap in the morning. It was just what I needed.

I did stay up to midnight last night, and woke up at 7. I guess that my body saying "hey I need more sleep!" is a good sign that I'm (hopefully) in recovery from that last episode.

The kids have quiet/nap time, my sister-in-law is napping, so it's a good break now too. I would like to nap, but I know that isn't a healthy choice right now.