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How to repair a BP relationship?

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 8/26/2010 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
You guys know my last week has been hellish. 

I slept well last night, am in a normal mood today and suddenly realizing how much damage this past week has done on the relationship between my fiance and me.

Last night, I verbalized my suicial thoughts/impulses/desires.  I was cutting myself.  Conveniently for me, my mood flipped and I fell asleep and slept soundly - best sleep in a month!  He...  didn't sleep very well.  I'm not sure that he slept at all!  He looks like hell this morning.  I feel so guilty for causing this.

He is just about done with me.  He can't take anymore!

I don't know what to do.  I've had times of good/normal mood throughout the past week.  So how does he (or I!) know if I'm finally stable or if it's some tease, some cruel trick in a longer nightmare?!  I want to make this go away.

I have been in touch with my Dr.  I had an appointment last Wednesday and another this afternoon.  I have been staying focused all week on charting my moods and listing my symptoms.  Clearly, this new Dr. doesn't know me well enough to know that when I say I'm "all over the place", it means that I'm having hypomanic through suicidal everyday, along with almost every symptom you can imagine everyday.  I know that I have to do a better job communicating with my Dr. in order to get this fixed.

I really am TRYING!  What else can I do?   cry

Posted 8/26/2010 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
I have to second the idea of letting go of control issues. I have said here before that my greatest peace in the last two years was accepting I had no real control, that even the dog did what he wantef to do. I really only have some control over myself. That's it. So that is where I concentrate the majority of my energy. I try to make sure that I am in a good place because the rest of the world will have to take care of itself.
I hope you feel better soon. Acceptsnce does release a lot of pain and allows us to enjoy what we have, and not get bogged down in wishing things were different.
Posted 8/28/2010 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
I try to explain to my husband that my moods have nothing to do with him, and if I am suicidal that is the only thing he has to worry about.  He said that if I tried to hurt myself one more time he will leave me.  So he just lets me vent and I remind him each time about not having anything to do with him, and it helps.  He has been dealing with me for 30 years.  I know it does bother him sometimes but if you tell them that it does help.  Hang in there, if he loves you he will just have to deal with your moods.  The only other thing I can suggest is that you keep some of the moods from him (except the suicidal thoughts).  Good luck and keep posting.
Posted 8/28/2010 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hey tortoise,

Sorry you're having a rough time. I am probably the last person to post a reply to this right now, because the way things are going in my "bp relationship" I feel like there is no answer at all. I feel like it's impossible for them to accept us. We can accept ourselves all we want, but sometimes that doesn't seem to matter. At least that's how I feel right now.

That is not at all to say it is not good advice; to let things go and look after yourself. I totally agree with this idea and I am trying to do that now for myself.

Sending hugs, you're a real fighter so I know you will get through this. I'll try to pop in more....
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