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Posted 9/8/2010 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
My wife goes through these manic periods, where I am accused of not caring, seeing someone else, caring only about myself, and how we have no love for each other. But, between these episodes, she is a very caring, and loving person. My question is, Does she not remember those times between episodes? Is one episode a continuation of the last?
Posted 9/8/2010 5:32 AM (GMT 0)
I go through this with my husband. Sorry to say, but she remembers everything and knows when she has blown things out of proportion, afterwards. It more than likely is separate episodes. One day, week, month, I hated him, I really did and it was mainly because I thought all those things about him. He wasn't there for me enough, he didn't show enough affection, etc. When in reality it was just my messed up perception of things because of my moods, or just simply because of my moods. Then, I only wanted to be near him and love him and cuddle, etc. It went back and forth for a long time...until I got on meds. Things got better until recently when I went off of my meds because I found out I was pregnant. Now, we're going through some of it again. It's just her moods...Sometimes he just simply walks away when I start that stuff, then I'm left alone to think about things and try to calm myself down. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes not. Hope things get better soon for ya'll though. Good luck.

Lindz
Posted 9/8/2010 1:28 PM (GMT 0)
Carvin, she may not remember. There is this thing called state induced recall. Essentially, when you are in a bad mood you remember things that you learned or that happened when you were in a bad mood before. When you are in a good mood, you remember things you learned or things that happened when you were in a good mood before.

This is a NORMAL occurrence in all people that has been scientifically studied and documented.

However, in bipolar, it can become more extreme to the point of being UNABLE to remember outside of a mood. In addition, bipolar effs with judgment and a bp person may not realize that their behavior is different from normal.

So yes - it is totally possible that she has no idea. My ex-husband videotaped me when I was in a rage. O.M.G. Reality hurts. I had no idea and was completely humiliated. IF you do this, let HER delete it herself or some serious trust issues could develop.

Present it objectively. "I need to show you why I have such a hard time with your moods. This is what I see." "I love you and I know that this is a symptom of your disease, but it does hurt me. How can we avoid this and work through this together?"

My ex-husband did not present it well. I was really hurt. Be careful if you try it.
Posted 9/8/2010 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry, was very tired last night and not thinking very clearly. She can, not remember what she does in some states. I was just talking to my husband about this kind of stuff this morning and he did remind me of some of the things that I've said and done to him and that I had no recollection of...Like the other day when I was in a rage that was triggered by a fight with a friend and I told him to leave me alone, he didn't, then I went on to belittle him and say he was a deaf, no good POS, etc. Yeah, doesn't feel good at all when you're reminded of it later on. Sometimes I think he HAS to be exaggerating things, but I have heard the same things from my parents and siblings when I've gone off on them.
Posted 9/9/2010 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Wow....I've had those same arguements with my husband. It didn't dawn on me it was related to my episodes. I just figured I couldn't hold it in anymore. We cycled thru it every 3 months or so. He would just apologize and say he'd try to do better, help me more at home. Not that I believe it was all in my head but.... It would infurate me enough I'd want to leave or self-mutilate because the pain was so bad and I couldn't figure out why. That should have been my fist clue...but hey I'm learning
Posted 9/9/2010 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, those fights are not fun. I have pushed him to the point of tears before by saying I didn't love him and never have, wanted to leave, that he was no help to me what so ever so, what was the point in having him around, that he was stupid and lazy, etc. He said sometimes what hurts even more than the words is the fact that I don't remember it at all...He doesn't understand that and neither do I really. I figure if I'm really that mad and passionate about something I should remember it. It's horrible the things I can say to people when I get in those moods. Then, I'm in a funk because I feel so bad for saying it. My idea is that you go from manic to depressed, because of the fact that you get depressed because of what you do remember doing when you're manic and what people say you did. It's a vicious circle.
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