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What is normal?

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 9/8/2010 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
What is normal? Something I'm not....
I've only been diagnosed for roughly 6 months or so.
Thought it was just a deep depression I could only escape for short periods of time. Guess BP was more acurate.
What I thought was being happy was more manic I guess in retrospect.
Mostly an act, seeming sure of myself almost cocky....
Agressive sexual behavior....it was just to protect myself.
As long as I was in control reguardless of what happened I could go on.
I'd simply crash later, find my breaking point, fight thru the need to self-mutilate, cry,
fall apart just to pull it all together because I had responsabilities to my family.
Why I'm talking I don't know...
But what is normal?
Posted 9/8/2010 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
I think normal may be stable with minimal mood fluctuations.
Normal means I can hold down a job, take care of my family,
take care of myself and have a manageable life. I've had periods
of normality but usually brief always followed by depression, hypo-
mania, and all the turbulence that ensues. BP is a tough and very
painful disease that is often misunderstood by the masses. But we
support you here and we do understand what you're going through
bc we have been there ourselves. My brief tastes of 'normal' felt like
life was a lot easier to deal with and my problems seemed minimalized.
It must be pretty cool not to have BP...but at least I can try to manage it
as well as possible.
Posted 9/8/2010 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
Stable with minimal mood fluctuations...that makes sense.
I try really hard to be aware of the changes in my mood. But I miss what felt like the stronger side of me...what always pulls others to me (I understand that there's a dark side to that kind of attention) but I always feel more powerful, self assured, fearless, I don't really know who I am without it.
Posted 9/8/2010 11:08 PM (GMT 0)
 

 Normal, i've heard of normal. Its what other people have. LOL LOL LOL   If we think ozzie and harriet, 2 kids, one dog, is that our definiation of normal?

  Actually i like to think in terms of stability. As in "am i stable and making good decisions?"  Its just my way of looking at things, i will never be anyones definetion of normal, in any universe. I have learned that stable is what i need in my life, anyway that i can get it.

That and forgiveness, of myself and others.  I forgive my mistakes and those others heap onto me. In the end i dont want to hold hurt in my heart.

Posted 9/9/2010 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Normal....awww, what a nice dream. The odd thing is that you look around at all these people and families who look "normal" from the outside, but once you get to know them, half the time they're just as screwed up as everyone else. I'm starting to think that screwed up and kinda crazy is the new "normal."
Posted 9/10/2010 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so lost...Caught up in trying to figure out how to exist. Being aware of my mood changes and what certain behaviors really are has changed how I look at things. I miss the person I was...I was hurting so unbelievably for so many years, since I was probably 6 but I was strong, I locked it away until I was 12. Then it would creep up on me slowly...that's when I started to Self-mutilate, it seemed to be an outlet, a way to keep moving forward but now it's like everything is finally catching up to me. I can't contain any more it's like the flood gates are open and I'm drowning.
I think normal would be being able to play with my kids and just have fun.
To not worry everytime I talked to someone, that they would cross the line or say something inappropriate...
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