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All is well .. finally

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 9/21/2010 2:06 PM (GMT 0)
* Knock on wood *

I havent had a mood swing that was even bad enough to notice in weeks. I feel good ... still not much energy and Im a little upset that Im not getting that manic rush latley ... But even mood is good I guess :) 

When im working I seem to level out for some reason... its strange to me .... 

BF and I have gotten very close and had some deep conversations this past week or so ....   THings are going well with him .   He finally admitted he has aspergers , and has made a great effort in managing his outbursts etc..   I have had to bite my tongue several times , but I WAS able to do it .. which is somethin that takes alot of practice , but Im getting better at it :)

Like last night when I went upstairs and his clothes were all over the place .. ( he leaves drawers open , and throws his suits/belts/ties,  over the dresser , which gets all over my nerves)   so I told him that I needed him to stop making such a mess with his things, he got a little defensive and I wanted to snap , but I stopped and continued folding clothes.

He then said that he didnt have any room in his drawers , so I told him to clean them out and his response was " I cannot do that during the week"   I REALLY almsot went off this time ... I work double the hours he does , take are of three kids, clean , cook , do laundry  , be the janitor , computer repairman, and whatever else they need . And he works 8 hours a day and the rest of the time lays on the couch . PERIOD.   and " I cant do it during the week" 

PLEASE.....

so Im going upstairs to clean out his drawers and closet now :)   Its ok I guess bc now I can throw out some of those clothes that I hate  ha ha

Hope everyone is well :)

Posted 9/21/2010 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Belle - I got some great advice that might help both of you! Don't try to organize "clutter." In other words, go through the clothes and take out worn or redundant clothing. Don't chuck his stuff, just set it aside. Organize what is left in a way that makes sense to HIM.

I wonder if he is overwhelmed by the sheer volume of clothing and makes choices?

I PURGED my closet down to 4 pairs of black pants, 4 pairs of jeans and maybe 6 or 8 shirts per season. It looks ridiculously sparse, but I love it. It is always clean and easy to find something that looks great.

I don't know how your relationship is, but I don't mess with his stuff. That would get into a "mothering" relationship that isn't healthy, IMO. A couple times we've been in the garage and I've asked about an item. We cleaned up a little bit together and had fun. Whenever there is an item I desparately want to get rid of, I ask him if he has an emotional attachment to it. I don't know what he ended up with at an auction or what is a family memento.

You CAN set boundaries. For example, if it is on the floor, it's "dirty" and goes in the laundry. Or in a box in the basement. (Don't put his favorites away.) I use this with my son to figure how many toys he was able to put away. He has plenty of toys, but he can put everything away in a 1/2 hour.

My fiance will often wear a pair of after-work jeans a day or 2 in a row. But he'll leave them on the floor. If they are on the floor, I throw them down the laundry chute. If the are on the dresser, I fold them and leave them there. It's a light, humorous thing and he's not leaving his jeans on the floor often anymore.

Do you understand what I'm getting at?
Posted 9/22/2010 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
I do get what your saying....  But right now Im extremley irritable and am just plain pissed off. Last night he set me off, I sat down for the first time all day and he had the nerve to ask me to rub his feet. I jsut glared at him , but I was thinking HOW could he , what nerve!    and at dinner ,  i got two plates from the cabinet , handed him on, and proceeded to make myself a plate , which is very rare bc I never eat... So After I made my plate I turned and he was standing there and said " you only gave me three meatballs?"  I LITERALLY laughed in his face, but I was SO pissed..  I said I am NOT your mother and you can make your own plate! WTH are you standing there waiting on me for??  THIS is MINE ... go make yours!

SOOOOO annoying!

anyhow so after dinner I was completley silent and everything he did began to get on my nerves. Im guessing this mood was probaly coming before he set me off ...  but it didnt help!   So he is lying on the couch watching the phillies game , and I was sitting there steam coming out of my ears... just looking at his lazy behind lying there eating tasty cakes and watching baseball ... makes me so mad bc I NEVER EVER get to watch anything on tv .. he comes in grabs the remote and watches sports ALL night... never moves from the couch.

Im ordering Directv today for all 5 bedrooms to solve that problem... but the fact that he is so inconsiderate is what bothers me!  and I let him have it when he asked me to rub his feet... I said do you have any idea what I have done today>???  I certainly dont feel like doing that right now. His response was " i do stuff around here too"  again i just glared at him ... he does do things to help on occasion... but not near what I do.. and I go upstairs this morning to find all his drawers open , suits on the bed and a pile of socks that he pulled out of the drawers lying on the floor.  I just left it there... And when I go to bed tonight it will STILL be there bc I swear im not picking it up!

I jsut went to bed last night without even telling him , I knew I was agitated and everything he did was wrong , so I just went to bed before I snapped at him.

I want to tell him " ill be your darn housewife and clean/cook/pick up after you  but ill be dang if im gonna work a full time job too!

im so annoyed =right now .....

But good news is : I have my very first pdoc visit in an hour :)  im looking foward to it. This is the actual doctor im seeing today... Hopefull ill come home with some meds to get my head straight.

Posted 9/22/2010 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
Just got home from the pdoc ... she said she has no idea what my dx is based on what I told her.. which was a jumbled mess that I couldnt even make sense of myself sigh ...

anted to give me an SSRI  but when I asked for chantix to stop smoking she changed me to wellbutrin bc it does both , so Im on 75 mgs wellbutrin 2xs daily for now.

She asked me what I do for fun... or to take time for myself....  I stared blankly for a moment and said " nothing"  wow ....  I knew I had no life but to have it in my face like that was overwhelming ...

oh well ... we will see what this does :)

Posted 9/22/2010 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Belle. Sounds like time to set boundaries. There is an awesome book on it titled "Boundaries" - excellent book. It teaches you how to let his problems be his problems.

An example in the book was a housewife that cooked dinner to serve at a certain time, but he husband would come home late for work and she struggled to have the food hot when he got home. Huge source of stress and anger for her and the kids.

So she set a boundary. She served dinner on time every evening. If he was late he got to reheat his own dinner in the microwave. She no longer had the stress of hungry kids and keeping food warm. And he started coming home on time.

If he acts like a child, you are right to stop mothering him. Stop being angry. Stop letting it be your problem. If he doesn't make his own plate, he will be hungry. If he doesn't wash his own clothes, he will be dirty. Let his problems be his problems.

Good luck on the new medications. Remember that diagnosis ultimately doesn't matter - getting effective treatment does.

Don't blame his immaturity on YOUR illness.
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