Spending problems

Its hypomanic spending, and at least you're spending cash, not using credit card. Cash does have a habit of disappearing real quick. Stop looking right after work, go home. Can you take a detour and get that money to the checking account on the same day? Only 4 times and you'll have the car note taken care of. Then you can return to your spending mode if you want. Maybe if you kick in one day a wk. to household expenses you can then feel what it is like to be a bit disciplined, and the BF will feel some relief.

You are a cool Mom, and must be a great waitress. Very laid back and can enjoy life. Wish I could hang out with you, ha ha ! It might rub off on me. GREAT that you are working.
Good luck.

I have a few ideas for you Belle. Whether or not it's just regular impulse control problems, money problems, or hypomanic spending doesn't really matter. :)

I used to have major money problems - so did my then-husband. These things really helped. When I was a (hypomanic/manic) single mom with a squeaky-tight budget, these helped me to pay my bills, save money, AND have spending money.

It is REALLY hard to budget when paid weekly. It has to be so much harder when paid daily! This system is so easy to follow for frequent pay (especially cash pay) and the result are fantastic!

It's really simple. Get 5 envelopes and label them:

10% ($12.50) My allowance
10% ($12.50) Emergency fund (and income tax, if needed)
5% ($6.25) Kid's allowances
50% ($62.50)Household bills/gas
25% ($31.25) Debt/savings

1. Pay yourself first. If you have an allowance, money just for you to spend on anything you want, you'll be less likely to feel deprived and overspend. Pay yourself 10%. That's $12.50 per day ($62.50 a week, $3,125 per year!)

2. Pay yourself again. Stop the financial emergencies! An emergency fund (major car repair, surprise Dr. bills) will dramatically reduce your stress and eliminate paying interest for payday loans or credit cards. Put another 10% into an emergency fund. Car breaks down? No big deal. This money needs to go in the BANK, in a separate savings account so it doesn't slowly disappear into household/bills spending.

3. Pay your kids. They want that stick of gum. Great. They pay for it out of their own money. (Your allowance is sacred - don't waste your money on your kids!) Kids don't need a whole lot of spending money. Too much encourages bad habits. Give it to them weekly so they can learn to budget also. 5% for your kids is $31 per week. You have 3 kids, right? $10 each per week isn't bad!

4. Pay your bills. Put 50% of your money aside for household bills AND gas. You need to keep some of this money with you to pay for gas. (Your sacred allowance is NOT to be spent on gas unless you are making a special long trip for something.) I think you should give most of this money to your boyfriend daily - assuming he is good with finances?

If keeping cash for gas is too tempting, there's a solution for that too! A fleet card. It is SO easy to overspend at a gas station! Gas, coffee, gum, a quick snack. Take your gas money and put it on a fleet card. Then you can ONLY spend it on gas. If you want your coffee or gum, it needs to come from your allowance.

Plus, with a fleet card you can pay at the pump. If you are prone to impulse buys, DON'T go inside. Since I started only paying at the pump, I've saved A LOT of money. And I've lost weight too! :)

5. Pay your debts. Put 25% of your money to pay off any loans or old bills. Start with the smallest bill first. It feels GREAT to pay something off! Then pay off the highest interest rate debt. Then the next highest. Get them all paid off. Car loan? Pay it off early. You'll save TONS in interest that you won't have to pay.

Once your debts are paid off, then you can save this money for things to improve your family's lives: Christmas presents. Family game night at an arcade. Going out to eat AS A FAMILY once a week. Gym memberships. Dance, sports, music lessons.

6. Change pot. Your allowance money is sacred - keep the change! Any change from your allowance money goes right back into your allowance money to save for the next day. For everything else, at the end of the day, put ALL of your change into a jar. $1 bills and coins. You'll be SURPRISED how quickly this adds up. This money is STRICTLY to go into the bank into that emergency fund. We save change around here in a coffee can. Cashing it in is well over $100 each time.

If you follow this for a year (assuming you work full-time and take 2 weeks of unpaid time off), what will happen?

You will have had $3,125 for your own personal spending.
Your kids will have learned to budget with $1,562.
You will have $3,645 in the bank for emergencies.
You will have paid off $7,812 in debt
You will have contributed $15,624 to household bills.

One more bit advice for your allowance money. Think BIG. I can piddle away lots of money at thrift stores, buying nothing of value. Or I can set my eyes on a goal - like an ipod - and save a some of my allowance to buy it.


Can I also say that an apology to your boyfriend is in order. Show him this system and ask for his help. Maybe he can make bank deposits, empty certain envelopes every day, and put money on your fleet card? Acknowledge this is something you struggle with and need help with. Ask for his help. Give him a healthy outlet for his controlling tendencies: controlling this money will only relieve tension in your relationship.

Good money habits make you feel EMPOWERED. You CAN control your money. You CAN stop living paycheck-to-paycheck. You CAN repair the damage your spending problem has caused in your relationship!

Best of luck! Please keep us updated.

TY. I hope it works for you. It has saved my butt a few times before. :) You CAN do this! (((hugs)))

TY Sandy! Learning to think logically was really hard for me. When I can't I talk to a friend who always responds with a logical response.

I learned the skill through dog training. In essence:

1) Identify the problem
2) Identify the goal
3) Define the half-way point between the current problem and the goal.
4) Define the 1/4-way point between the current problem and the goal.
5) Continue breaking it down until you reach a level that is manageable.

I think the hardest part to learn is to identify the problem and identify the goal. Belle gave a really good description of her problem. (Leave the emotion out of it.)

Belle's problem: I spend $100 per workday, which I cannot afford.

Belle's goal (I made this up): To NOT live paycheck-to-paycheck (By my definition that is no debt and $2,000+ emergency fund.)

See how I left emotion out of it? Your problem and your goal should be measurable - otherwise you will never know when you get there! I didn't break down Belle's advice into 1/2-way and 1/4-way goals because it would be too overwhelming. But I did put it on the timeline of 1 year.



Can we apply this elsewhere? Sure!

Let's say I am deeply depressed.

Problem: On a mood chart, 6 out of 7 days are "bad" or "depressed."

Goal: On a mood chart, 6 out of 7 days are "okay."

Halfway to your goal is 3 out of 7 days are "okay"

1/4way to your goal is 1-1/2 day out of 7 days is "okay."

1/8-way to your goal is 18 hours "okay."

1/16-way to your goal is 9 hours "okay"

1/32-way to your goal is 4-1/2 hours "okay"

I think I can handle finding a way to make 4 hours "okay" Now review all of your possible coping skills, support system, and what you know about yourself. What time of day do you feel better? What makes you feel better? Is a medication change necessary?

When you achieve 4 hours of "okay" mood, you EARN the confidence to work towards your goal. You've learned what helps most to improve your mood. With this information, you are EMPOWERED to work towards your next goal: 9 hours of an "okay" mood.

When I was a little kid, I was totally overwhelmed by cleaning my room. My dad had a great way of breaking it down into manageable tasks. "Squint your eyes. Now what is the biggest thing you see? Okay - go pick that up and put it away."

 

  You know this is a great thread, lots of fantastic advice.

  i would like to add one small thing. Taking from tortise great post of paying yourself a set amount every week (or two) starts a sort of "muscle memory". Before you know it you are doing things without even thinking. It sets up a cycle of positive thinking, not negative. Cycles can work both ways, good or bad.

    Keep up the great posts, all are very positve and uplifting.

  Bill