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Posted 9/30/2010 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
Neither of my kids are going to be with me this Christmas. I started
crying yesterday when my youngest, (17), told me he wanted to spend
his entire Christmas break with old friends in GA...he moved out here from
GA last spring. We live in NV. I was crushed but I told him I wanted him to do
what he wanted and that I loved him and everything was going to be alright.

My olderst son, (19), in college, will also be in GA spending Christmas with my
ex's grandparents. I was upset over that too but I understand as he had last
Christmas with us.

I've never gotten to have Christmas with my youngest bc when
he lived with his Father he always kept him whether it was my turn or not and I
only got to have him for a few days. So I had envisioned this year being a real
family Christmas with a tree and everything.

But I've accepted it this morning...shouldn't have had expectations....plus my Mom's
pressuring me to go to her house in N.C. and I've just started a new job and don't feel
right asking for time off...it's a retail job. She keeps saying we need to MAKE it happen
but my job and my kids have other plans...it's outta' my control!

I will have both kids at Thanksgiving and I'm very excited about that.
But I'm nervous bc I've never cooked a turkey and we don't have a table.
But maybe we'll find one on Craig's list.

Both my husband and youngest son have the same birthday in December and I'm worried about
what to get them and will I have the money. I'm worried I won't know what to get anyone
for Christmas and I may not have the money and I'll have to mail it all. I actually hate the
Holidays bc I stress so bad.

My pushy sister in law has invited herself to our house between Thanks. and Christmas for 3
days and I don't know how I will deal with that. I just want the Holidays to be over and the
pressure off. I get like this every year.

I know...one day at a time...the Holidays aren't even here yet...but I feel the wave starting to rise
and I hope I don't drown in it.
Posted 9/30/2010 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
Tell your sister in law you have to work, then suggest she come another time if you really don't want her there.
Since the kids are grown up, they are you know, you will be having Christmas like this from now in all probability. It just isn't the same, been there, its hard. But Christmas will still come. Now I just look at it as being one day, there is no Santa Claus, less gifts, and, no secret, its you paying for the gifts. Relax with it. One day and its over.
You can tell them you're a little low on money this year, what would they like? You may be surprised at what they tell you. Some years ya have to scale down. Wouldn't you prefer not to get a meaningless gift if you knew they had to go in debt over it?
Making turkey is easy. Basically follow directions to thaw. Hard part is getting it out of the wrapper and making sure all the giblets are removed. Stick it in the oven, leave it alone, and when the timer goes off take it out and let it "set" 15 min. before having someone else carve it onto a serving plate. Can you make gravy? Also be careful if you're using aluminum disposable pans to use 2 inside one another, or put it on a cookie sheet or something. The aluminum is kind of weak, and you can drop the hot turkey on the floor pretty easily. If so, using the oven mits, pick it up, check for "hair", and proceed like nothing happened. OR, make the turkey ahead of time, zip loc slices and freeze. Give them a fresh veg platter, pickles and olives to munch on beforehand. Will help them not to be "starving".
Don't sweat the holidays. No pressure on yourself. Enjoy the day. Oh, and don't succomb to mom, it just isn't possible this year, sorry, gotta work.
Posted 9/30/2010 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
I don't handle holidays well, and setting limits is a huge help.

Gifting limited to children (all under age 5). Gifts limited to $10 - $20. We might have the kids draw names for each other so that would mean only having to buy 1 gift.

We'll spend Christmas Eve with my fiance's family and with my son. Christmas Day my fiance is on-call and my son will be with his dad.

My family celebrates Christmas in early January. It's really low-key. Sort of pointless.

I'm always wanting a "real" family Christmas and am always peeved that our parents STILL get to do that. Not fair. Not that I can handle the stress of hosting any family event, no matter how short or insignificant.
Posted 9/30/2010 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
Wow...thanks everyone...I think with your support I can make
it through the Holidays! You all have no idea how much your replies
mean to me. I'm so grateful to have this board...there are solutions to every problem!
I just had to reach out and there you all were...thanks again. We'll all make it
through the Holidays together!!!
Posted 10/1/2010 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning to You...It's Genetic!

I remember when my Dad was a single parent and he had all 5 of us children
for Thanksgiving one year and he cooked turkey in a bag and it came out great!

Of course he was having frequent explosive temper tantrums
but that's just how he is...probably one reason why I'm always on edge around the Holidays.

I can't wait to check out these sites and you're right...if I plan early and get my
ducks in a row I won't stress as bad.

Thanks again for all your help and solid answers!

Red
Posted 10/1/2010 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Why not practice your holiday meal well in advance? So you know what to expect and can fix any "oops" moments for the real thing.
Posted 10/1/2010 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
 

      It is not unusual for the holidays to be stressful or depressing for anyone with a mood disorder.

   I have already started thinking about Christmas as well and feeling stressed.

   I'm in the middle of a divorce and really strapped for cash. Last year I went into debt at

   Christmas, I refuse to do that again.

   With my husband and I separated last Christmas caused a problem with the kids. My son was living

   with me and spent Christmas Day with me, my married daughter went to her father's then came

    to my apartment. My husband made a big stink about it and now my son is living with his

    husband and I think it will be more complicated, I don't want to hassle with my husband.

    So I think I'm going to just not have Christmas, maybe decorate at bit but no tree, no gifts.

    It's too big of a deal and my family will get plenty of gifts from other family members

    It's just one day and it gets too overwhelming. There are people who commit suicide at

    Christmas time because it can be so depressing for some people.

 

    What I'm thinking of doing Christmas Day is volunteer at a shelter that provides a meal for

     the homeless on Christmas Day. I think it is more of what the holiday is about.

 

      I may spend New Year's Eve or New Year's Day with my daughter and her family,

      it's less stressful for everyone.

     

Posted 10/1/2010 11:33 PM (GMT 0)
Lady N-
A disappointing Christmas it was last year. You are wise not to go into debt again. Gifts are overrated. You could say, what are you getting this Christmas? Not getting yourself on the hook. I did this once and was surprised to hear, well I want to get xxx, and it was something small. Or go in on a gift with someone else, not too expensive tho. Let them buy it so you don't get stuck and in an awkward if the forget to pay you back. Your name will be on the tag. Or,your idea of no gifts may set a precedent with everyone. We all get strapped for cash, and stymied over what to buy.

Good decision, light on the decorations and go somewhere else. Volunteering is excellent. I heard that everybody and their brother show up for Thanksgiving, and the rest of the year they are still in need for volunteers since that is almost a 2 day deal, with Christmas eve, then day. People are busier. What a wonderful idea.

And wonderful that you came to this conclusion well in advance.
Posted 10/2/2010 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hmmm... I've been procrastinating. I should go to a nursing home on Christmas. I'll be home anyway. I can put some reindeer antlers on the dog and bring my son. Better yet - teach him to sing a Christmas carol. :)
Posted 10/2/2010 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, Tortoise that will be so cute. A singing dog, ah ha ha ha hah.
Seriously, it will be adorable, maybe you could all get antlers. And bells.
Don't know what has gotten into me, I have been laughing out loud all day at my husband, then he says something else and I crack up all over again. Its been a long time, feels good. He loves it.
Sandy

Such a great idea Lady N. And its catching on !
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