Back to post after a VERY long time away. SSDI hearing tomorrow, PSY appt this am...

 HI,

 My name is Christina, and I posted here for a while, but it has been a long time.  I was Dx bipolar and have been unable to work or go to school since summer 2008.  I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis, apnia, and other health issues.  I'm 31 years old and have 3 girls between 12 and 6 years old.  My husband is bipolar, but much more controlled than I am.  He works and goes to nursing school, so I take care of the kids and house.

I have my disability hearing tomorrow.  It has been 18 months since I first filed, per my PSY instructions.  She doesn't think I could handle any type of regular employment now, or in the forseeable future. (Hard to hear when it is the "official" opinion of your Dr)  Tomorrow I go to see a judge to try to explain this to him in person.  My files will get looked through, and they will ask questions about why I can't contribute to society.  I will have to defend myself from the claim that I am just being lazy and trying to have the goverment pay for me to not work. I will have to try to make the judge understand that the only reason that I am "OK" (not really- but I'm better than I could be)  is that I have followed the PSY's suggestions of cutting myself off from stresses and distractions.

Whenever I go to see my PSY I come home a raw, weepy, mess.  I am exauseted emotionally and I allways need a nap.  I think tomorrow will leave me even more of a mess.  I was hoping to get this out to someonone I knew would have an idea what it was like to bear your emotions and "disfunction" to somone on the "outside".   I hope to get something before I go tomorrow morning, and I promise to give an update when I get back.

I haven't been thru a disability hearing either. I applied, months later received a letter saying that I was having an appointment with a disability psychiatrist, he more or less interviewed me, I was a mess and didn't he didn't get to complete the hour long question paper. Said he was surprised that it was the first time I had applied. It was a bad day for me emotionally. Saw some woman smack her kid real hard in the lobby, and freaked.

Guess it must vary state to state, I was in Illinois then, about 5 years ago. Didn't hear back for months, then Bingo. They sent a letter in c/o my sister-in-law that said go to the nearest SS office. By then I was in California.

And they not only gave it to me, they paid in arrears from the date of my written application. Nice little chunk of change.

I think you are contributing to society by being a responsible wife and mother, not lying in a gutter giving up on life. You aren't able to be employed, and don't know how long it will take for your treatment to get you to that point, if ever. I think you want to think, and say that this may be permanent for all you know. But you are in no means capable of working now.

Continue to believe in yourself that you will one day be strong enough to go back to work. I've been on disability for a few years, and since I am 60 know my chances of employment are nil. Jobs in CA are scarce, and no references for 10 years.

It is in your best interest to keep in contact with ex co-workers on occasion if possible, and keep some records of your skills, an informal account of skills you use on the day to day that are "transferrable". It was suggested to me to maintain church or volunteer "contacts" for active personal references. It gets very boring being at home at times, wish I could work.

After 2 years, you qualify for Medicare, good and bad. I have a supplement, so I never see a doc bill or claim form, and lab is just the drawing fee $10 regardless of the number of tests. Have low co-pays. The pharmacy portion is a disappointment with the donut hole part D. That prevents you from getting assistance from the drug mfgs, and you reach the donut hole quickly if you are on expensive meds. There are discount rx cards available online that I have heard are helpful. Print them all and take the fistful to the pharmacy.

Think positive. Sounds scary, but it'll be over tomorrow. Good luck. Keep your chin up if you can.

Oh, so its your age. Didn't know that.
I understand your feeling, not wanting to be home now that the kids are in school. And being excited about school and your job. Its disappoiinting. It may not be forever.
Hard when others think you should be over it, and don't understand and there you have tried to explain it to them. Although you missed Bible study twice, and you look forward to going, its temporary. I started to tell people, well, things aren't really stable yet, but I'm hanging in there. They try to be understanding and concerned, don't want you to be "hurting", but can't understand the process of getting better. So you give them a little dog bone for asking, and try to be positive.
Regarding the allergy medicine, I read about that recently. Same is true of Benadryl. I usually go to the window and tell the pharmacist what I am taking and is it OK to take something for xxx. They've always been more than happy to tell me, and make suggestions.
Good luck tomorrow. Will be thinking about you and waiting for your next post.
Sandy

Know you've got lots of things on your mind right now. And that you are feeling bad about not working. I've been thinking about you and your struggle. I located this book for myself on Amazon. Its $3.99 with free 2 day shipping. Copied some info from it to show you. Have passed this on to someone else too. Its an easy read.

What to Say When you Talk To Yourself, Dr. Shad Helmstetter
Most information that our subconscious mind receives, from both external and internal sources, is negative. At any given time within our subconscious, as many as three negative thoughts are duking it out with one positive. Not knowing right from wrong, our subconscious chooses to believe the most dominant thought pattern. Unless we feed more positive messages to our subconscious, we become a prisoner to negative thought patterns.
Self talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions.
What to Say reveals a simple way to overcome the onslaught of negative thought by literally feeding positive thoughts into our subconscious through Self-Talk. More than just affirmation statements, Dr. Helmstetter shows how to get specific and attack problems at their source.

I'm familiar with this book and highly recommend this to you. Maybe they have it at the library.
Sandy
BP II
Severe depression

Hey Christina-Weclome back, good to hear from you.

I am thinking of you today! We all are I am sure! I hope it all goes well. Just like many of the others I have not gone through this, but I I did have to go through a process to get my going back to school funded by the government here and it was tough. I had to explain myself and what I go through daily as well. But it was all worth it. I got the funding, went back to school and got out of the call centers that were toxic to my mental health.

You are a good person, doing the right things, and therefore I believe you should be able to have the outcome you deserve in this situation. There are many ppl on this earth that apply and get disability that should not have it. I believe it should only be for ppl who need it, and in my opinton you need this for yourself.

Good luck hun! Pls let us know how it went!!

Hugs,

Mogs

I'm still a little overwhelmed, so I will keep this short.

He made a verbal ruling from the bench- in my favor.  He believes that I am qualified for SSDI- with the bipolar alone.  He said that adding everything else I qualify again.  He says there is no question in his eyes.  He says that the ruling backdates to the last time I worked- Aug 18th 2007. 

The lawyer says that it will take a couple of months to get all the paperwork in order, but we should get the back-pay check in a couple of months.  We pay him a portion of the back-pay, but nothing more.

It's done.

I was so stressed out this morning, I have a headache and my joints are sore because stress aggravates my RA.  That didn't even get bad till I was in the car on the way home from the hearing.

I'll get back and post when I am a bit more under control- I just wanted to let you all know.

Fantastic news, Bravo !

How about a hot bath?