What do I do?

I'm in need of advice, from someone who is the spouse of a person with bipolar.  My husband has been diagnosed since 1998, went on meds, first Lithium which didn't work, then Lamictal, which helped fairly well.  But now he's off meds completely, due to cost since we don't have insurance, and we earn too much money to qualify for state help or any help from the drug company.

In the last month since he's been off his meds, things have been pretty rough, lots of anger.  He even got into a physical confrontation with another truck driver, which he did tell me about, but not all the details, just that it was self-defense and he knocked the other guy out cold.  Yesterday in the mail we get a summons saying he's being charged with two felony counts, assault and injury causing great bodily harm, each of which has a maximum $10,000 fine and could result in 10 years prison time.  I am in complete and utter shock and am so lost...  What does this mean?  Could he have seriously hurt someone like that?  What do I do now?  Do I stay with him, which I've always done, thru good and bad times?  How will this affect our family?  We have two kids, 12 and 8, what do I tell them, if anything?  How would we ever pay that kind of fine?  How do I support us if he goes to prison?  I haven't heard from him at all since we got the letter, he's out on the road, but he usually checks in by now.  What if this sets him off, makes him do something drastic?  I just don't know what to do.  I don't have any close family, and none of my friends would understand this, so I have no one to talk to...  Anyone have any words of wisdom?  Thanks so much...

Lori

Lori, I am so sorry you are going through this.  I agree with Its Genetic about finding a way to get him back on meds.  I would think doing that would be a number one priority, since he is so unpredictable off of them.  It is more expensive for him to be off of them and it is not safe for anyone. 

I would think it would be best to tell him in person if he is home anytime soon, but not around the children.  I would NOT tell the children.  Just give them information on an absolute need to know basis.  In terms of staying with him, I would think now would be a dangerous time to leave him if that is your inclination (unless you feel like it is more dangerous to stay). There is no telling how he would react.  However, putting a back-up plan together might not be a bad idea.  Just don't overwhelm yourself with having to decide too much at once, unless again you are in a dangerous situation.

I think Its Genetic is right, that you need to get a lawyer as soon as possible, so that you personally can get an idea on next steps.  You can start looking for one right away.  That might help with the anxiety.  Try to keep your mind from playing out all the "what-if's".  It's too much.  Just stay with the next step (easier said than done, I know).

I hope you will keep posting, especially since you don't have others to talk to. 

Sun

Seems you will need to get ahold of that lawyer.
But you said that witnesses confirmed that it WAS self-defense, that the other guy came at him with a baseball bat. In that situation I think most guys would have given the biggest punch they could muster.
Yes, the meds. Have I told you to check for discount rx cards. Someone else on the forum did this, printed up a slew, and took them all to the pharmacy and let the pharmacist run them all and saved a lot of money.

Lori, I just had a thought... Are you in a two-income household? If you are then filing papers for a legal separation *might* separate your incomes so that you can each individually apply for drug assistance and other programs. If you represent yourselves as single with a roommate (and actually live that way), you might be able to find some creative solutions to this problem.

How do you support your family? I don't know what the rules for Huber are. The simple answer of course is to get your expenses lower than your income. But that could take major sacrifices and lifestyle changes. If you're already min'd out then your in for a big challenge!

TTU - I was thinking not, but it if a legal document is all that is standing in the way of treatment for both of them?? Why not?

Hi again all, I wish I had more to share, but the lawyer does think we have a good case... It's gonna cost an arm and a leg, and I'll have to take some retirement money out, but hopefully it'll be worth it in the long run. He doesn't have any criminal history, just a few speeding tickets, being in the line of work he's in. But I still worry...

We have never actually talked about the seperating / divorce thing, altho it has been suggested to us before. It's not something we would do, I don't think. Our values / convictions are too strong for that, we don't want to cheat the system, our faith is too important to us, all that stuff. A while back his Pdoc suggested disability, since he's had a very hard time keeping jobs; he has no problem telling people exactly what he's thinking, not bosses or supervisors or anyone in authority, especially if it's something he doesn't like, and he doesn't do well working with others, hence the truck driving jobs... But he doesn't want to go that route either, absolutely no way he'd do that. He hasn't been off the meds for that long, but maybe this will be a wake up call, make him realize he needs to get back on them, no matter the cost. We'll just have to figure out a way to make it work.

I'll try to keep up to date as things progress. Thanks again to everyone for the suggestions and support!

Lori

Google "discount Rx cards"
Think you only get to use one, and its difficult to tell how much $ they save, thus giving to pharmacist and saying I can't get this unless you find me a great deal among these. Take them all
Hope this works for you
He will be only too happy to SAVE the sale.

Regarding disability: it doesn't pay alot. But who knows what will turn up down the road, and something is better than nothing, unless he can get unemployment. It takes forever to get it, but the good news is that it is retroactive from the date you first apply. (by the time I got mine, I had to go to the SS office and they issued a check for $4000.00 woo !) In 2 yrs you are automatically eligible for Medicare, not the greatest rx coverage, if you've ever heard everyone gripe about the donut hole, but then again who knows what meds he will be on, hopefully not the exorbitant ones.

Glad you updated us.

Thinking of "you's"