Posted 11/5/2010 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
Just starting to get used to the hypomanic, get things done side but I can feel myself crashing and burning. I keep staring back and my past because something someone says, or does, or asks about jumps back to it. I wish I could put a "I've been separated over a year sign" on my back at work so people could stop asking "How's the married life?!" I mean really, it sucks! How many times do I have to tell people I'm separated. I know getting my divorce is not a mistake, but I keep wondering if I made a mistake in how it came about. I lost a best friend of many years for reasons I still don't know, I lost my husband, even if he caused a lot of the problems himself, I lost the dreams I'd had and plans I'd made with him, my house we had bought he let fall to shambles and get foreclosed on. I'm am struggling to keep my head above water with starting classes and trying to keep a smile on my face for everyone around me and it sucks. I want to sleep and can't make my mind shut up long enough to go to bed. I am at a point in my life I never thought I'd reach and I don't know how to deal with any of it, except put a smile on my face and pretend like it's not there, I have spent years of my life making people think I was okay and I don't know how to let them know I'm not okay, I'm not happy, how do you tell someone that who only seems a starting successful 20year old standing in front of them? I don't want to disappoint, but I don't know how much longer I can keep up this facade.