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Posted 11/7/2010 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
Hey gang,

So I survived BOTH moves (at work and at home), barely. We just got moved into the new place (home) last weekend. The move at work finished two weeks before that. So, it's over. I still have unpacking to do at home, but I am not putting any pressure on myself about it.

We got a brand new bed and I can't expalin in words how comfy it is! So that is a PLUS! There is more space where we live now. We finally got our internet working (although it's been tempermental).

The change at work (now sharing an office) has been drastic and has definitely caused depression for me. The person I am sharing with is nice, but I just don't like the space and the change for the floor (it's in a hospital for those who don't know me :) I am away from most of the people I used to be around every day, so that has been tough.

My Mom (has stage IV lung cancer) has not been well. I've been so busy, I haven't had time with her. I have to change that NOW. This weekend was a time to rest for myself because the last several weeks have been so draining. But now, we are fairly settled, so I need to spend time with her.

Anyway, I've missed you all and think of you all every day. I hope everyone is doing well.

Many hugs,
Mogs
Posted 11/7/2010 4:45 AM (GMT 0)
Moving is a trigger for most people who are prone to depression or mood swings. And you survived a double move, good job. Its normal to miss the people you were used to being around. But time marches on, and we must adjust since we can't have it our way anymore.

Nice that your new home surroundings are improved, the bed, getting the computer going. Smart of you to relax this weekend, and re-charge the batteries. Next, catch up with Mom.

You've dealt with some very heavy things and can feel proud of yourself. The forum of course has missed your advice, and glad you're back.

Selfish question, how many Klonopin a day maximum have you taken? What's the need that its prescribed for?

Wishing you well, enjoy that extra hour of sleep tonight in your big comfy bed !
Posted 11/7/2010 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your comforting words.

I take the Clonazepam for panic attacks and anxiety. So, I take one when: I am feeling really on edge and anxious, like I'm gonna flip out and/or when I have a panic attack. So, I don't take them everyday. There have been days when I've take a maximum of 3 in one day. Pdoc always asks me how many I am taking a week. On average, 1-3 but it's hard to average, because some weeks I take 5 or more. Others, I take only 1...

Anyway, it HELPS! I was prescribed Lorazepam for a long time years ago, but it affected my memory, so we changed to Clonazepam.

Do you experience anixety or panic attacks? It's such a nasty part of what I deal with each day!
Posted 11/7/2010 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry that you are depressed... all the change must caused it.. sorry to hear about your Mother... My mother passed away in 2002.. from breast cancer.... she was 74 yrs of age.

hugs, Caren

Posted 11/7/2010 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Caren. I am so sorry about your mother. Cancer is just the most awful thing on this planet.

My depression is a thousand times worse right now than it was yesterday or even a few hours ago. I am starting to have a panic attack. I am just wanting to go to bed and never wake up :( I don't know what's going on....I'm not sure if not unpacking is stressing me out? I have no money until pay day (Thursday) so maybe that is a factor. I don't have any energy to do anything. Spouse was awful to me last night. My famiy is a total mess.

I wish spouse wasn't home today because I am trying so hard not to let the depression show and truly, I just want to crumble. But if I do then it's going to cause a huge fight. That's where the anxiety is coming from. I'm so worried we're going to have a huge fight. Because no matter how hard I try to fight it, this level of depression is so hard to hide. :(
Posted 11/8/2010 2:14 PM (GMT 0)

Hey guys,

Wow, this depression just keeps getting worse. I don't know how on earth I am at work today. I may have to take some time off. I have this Thursday off work, so hopefully my mood improves over the next couple of days so I can get by until then. I hate being at work when I am like this. It is so hard to hide the frown around here. And of course I am exhausted.

I've been walking all over campus and our floor today so I will be moving around.

I have to take minutes at a meeting this morning. I am freaking out about it. My concentration is absolutely nil. How am I going to keep up with what everyone is discussing?

I just don't know how I am going to get through today. It's so awful; when I was in the other location at work with my own office; on days like today, I would just shut my door and suffer in silence. I would post here on and off all day and journal. With this office being shared and physicians being in and out of this office all day, none of this will be possible. I may be able to check back on my lunch.

Thanks for reading.

Posted 11/8/2010 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
Woo, hurry Thursday !
Can you post, but then do a quick minimize on the screen when someone is approaching?
Can you move the desk so your screen isn't so visible?
Walking around campus, good idea. Can you get outside?
Suffering in silence with the door shut is still suffering.

You will do fine on the notes. Have noticed that some months the minutes of our HOA meetings are very light, know it isn't because no one showed up to b****, just the minute taker couldn't keep up, no matter ! Maybe don't get hung up on the detail, keep up with the topics introduced.

I think its the stress of the past couple weeks. Finally experiencing the emotion of it all. You done good, lady ! Reflect on the good things, the good way you handled it.

Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 11/8/2010 9:45:15 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/8/2010 9:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mogli,

I think you have done very well and in a way this is a letting down, plus worrying about money and going through everything with your mom.  Just remember to focus just on putting one foot in front of the other... just getting that next step in and not focusing on the other steps.  You will get through this.  Make sure you are getting enough sleep in that comfy bed.

Sun

Posted 11/9/2010 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
You guys have been so supportive. I hardly get any time at all with my girlfriends, and they (aside from all of you) are my only support.

I am so greatful for your comforting words. I feel safe here. I'm at home now, walking on egg shells around my bf to make sure he doesn't know what's going on.

Thanks so much Sandy for your helpful suggestions to get thru my work day. I managed, and I know I should reflect on things like that.

I came home and did get into that cumfy bed of mine :) I am taking my Seroquel now, in a few hours I'll be sleeping. Relief.

Thanks for reminding me to take things by baby steps right now. I am definitely overwhelming myself.

Thursday will be wonderful and it's only 2 days away.

Thanks so much all again.

Many greatful hugs,
Mogs
Posted 11/10/2010 1:29 PM (GMT 0)

Sigh...I was feeling better yesterday, then this morning I get to work (and I have so much work to do) and I have no concentration or motivation whatsoever.

It's going to be a long day; one where every minute is going to be pain, just wishing it was 4 o'clock so I can leave to go home. I am so glad I am off tomorrow. It's so hard working full time. Some days I wish I wasn't. But I know if I ever lost this job I would be devastated.

I just hate days like this, where I can barely function sad

Posted 11/10/2010 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Nice to see one of the 'oldies' back on the board. I don't visit too
often myself...hope you feel better Mogs...just try to take it one
hour at a time and do the best you can...we're pulling for you.
Posted 11/10/2010 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
Did you just call me old?? Haha :)

 

It's so nice to hear from another "oldie" :) I am hanging in...half way thru the day. Almost time to have a day off! Stupid depression mad It sucks every time. It's been really tough here at work since we moved to another location. There are more people than before which means two things: there are more nice people around and there are more mean people around. So much change happening it's normal I am sure that my mood has crashed.

 

Anyway, how have you been???? Thanks for your post!

 

Hugs,

Mogs

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