Bipolar and in a relationship with someone whodoesnt believe in therapy

I need some advice!

To preface things I'm bipolar, deal with anxiety and depression and codependency. Also I'm in school and can't afford therapy or meds but usd to be on them and feel I need to be again.

I've been dating a boy for a little over a year now. Things moved pretty quickly. We got an apartment together after dating for several months, which I thought wouldn't be a big deal and was pretty excited for (he was the partying all the time type and I was the first girl he had ever felt he could live with, I guess I felt that I "tamed" him). Before he would go out and get drunk a lot with his friends and sleep with random girls. So i felt special.

A few months into living together I found he had been looking a **** on my computer and told him to do that on his own computer. Then decided I didn't like him doing it at all. So he stopped, but I snooped. He was very adament when he wod reassure me that he had stopped. So I thought I believed him but would compulsively check his computer anyway. Then I found out he had been lying to me, which led to a whole lot more mistrust (i was already bad at trusting people)

so now I doubt everything he says.

Since the "honeymoon phase" has ended he has started to want to go out more. We recently made a pretty big move together (several states over) so I could go to school, and I thought getting away from those friends would make things better - like he wouldn't want to go out and get drunk. I know he wouldn't have moved so far with me if he didn't love me, but my crazy brain tells me he just used me as a vessel to go someplace new and be the one person to get out of our old town.

I'm sort of rambling. We argue all the time and it's always me that starts it. I used to be the fun thing in his life, what was better than going out and getting drunk. Now going out seems like the highlight. And my mood swings make it so one day I trust him and feel confident then the next day I think he's lying about everything.

I brought up the idea of seeing a counselor because I don't think we're hearing each other...but he thinks if it's so bad we need a counselor, it's not worth the trouble. We're also in our early 20s and he thinks it's stupid to do something like that so young.

I just want him to understand...I tell him what's going on with me, how it feels like I'm out of control...that it's a part of me I can shut up that drives me to be so fearful and paranoid and happy with him one minute then pissed off the next. He just says he KNOWS all of that stuff already and it doesn't change anything.


I'm scared to be alone in this new city...but he doesn't respond when I feel I'm going crazy anymore. He shuts down, plays with his phone, starts drinking. And he's gotten so tangled up in the relationship he claims he can't think for himself, he's always acting in fear of what my response will be. And his solution is to just start doing what he wants all the time and I'm supposed to figure out how to deal with it.

I don't know if any of this made sense. Sorry and thank you!

He's telling you in SO MANY WAYS that he's just using you for sex and has no interest in a real relationship with you. Get you life organized and get yourself out of there.

Get the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." It will help you understand his pulling away and how you add to it.

But really... if he is not willing to try, WHY?! You can't hold a relationship together by yourself. It takes 2 people.

Someone told me when I was in my 20's and in a relationship that I wasn't happy in "Your too young to be in a bad relationship" Where do you think u'll be in 10 years if you stay with him?? I would think that you would be on either the same path or a worse one.

Just my opinion.
Good Luck and hope it all works out for the best.

-Jeny