I just got out of the hospital last month for the second time this year due to another mixed episode and now, hardly a month later I can feel another one coming on.
Because of everything thats happened with my bipolar disorder this year I had to medically drop two of my classes and take an incomplete in another. This just really stresses me out because I feel like I wasted my entire semester and now Im behind on my graduation plan. Plus before this semester I was an all A's student and this semester I was failing all my classes but one before I pulled out. I just feel like Im not going to be able to get back on track again.
Plus my mom is an alcoholic. She got treatment ealrier this year but the past month shes been drinking again almost every night. She always gets mad and yells at me and then tries to tell me how much she loves me when shes drunk. She wont leave me alone for five minutes and all the while I just get more and more stressed out.
Finally, my best friend told me that I could talk to her about WHATEVER was bothering me. So I told her that her that her ignoring me the last time I had a mixed episode really hurt my feelings and Im afraid to get close to her again and then get hurt. She thought I was attacking her so she basically told me to f#%& off. She never apologizes when she hurts my feelings so i decided to be the bigger person and send her a text saying I was sorry that I made her upset. She hasnt called or talked to me since which just reinforces my belielfs that she doesnt like me.
Im just really scared beacuse I can feel the same warm tingly feeling and the pit in my stomach that happened during my last mixed episode. Last time I tried to kill myslef twice and I dont want to feel like that again and actually succeed. If someone could just tell me some way that I could make these feelings lessen a little bit I would be really grateful. Thank you