Trying to understand

  A few thigs to understand that might help you.

First, in no particular order, is medications. Unfortunetly there is no test that says we need .5 of drug A, 1.0 of drug B, and some fish oil and everything will be well. I myself had to try three meds, and then work with the most effective one over the course of 2 years to get the best results. It takes awhile.

 Two: Our brains are messed up, we don't understand what "normal" is. Its not like we went to sleep normal and woke up BP. We change over the course of  years, and it takes years to find our way back.

 three: she has to own this desease, or it will own her. By that i mean you have to treat this bad boy with alot of respect, and understand that when you start feeling that you have complete control is when its going to bite you in the butt. I wake up every day with a huge healthy respect of what this deasease can do. That way i can stay on top of it. Most days i do, some i dont. Thats life.

Failure is an option: Let me just tell you right now, she is going to have bad days and fail. Everyone here has, myself included. The thing is to take steps to limit the amount of damage that failure can cause. Think coping mechanisms, you dont want it to happen, you dont wish  it would happen, but you are prepared for it to happen.

  For her there will be a period of extreme change in her life. Think getting a nice pair of new shoes, they may fit really well, but they arnt the same as pair of well worn in old shoes that fit like a glove. Thats how it feels. THe meds introduce us to a new "us" that is very hard for  people to get used to. And some never do. And many give up and go back to old behaviours, cause they cant handle the new "me".

  In the end this is not your fault. You couldnt have loved her better, or made things easier. She didnt do risky behaviours and get BP, or do drugs and get BP, she was born this way.  Now whether or not she can find her way out of the "woods" is anybodys guess. Meds help alot, but come with plenty of undesireable side effects that make people quit.  There are plenty of good books out there. "Loving somone with BiPolar" is one of them.

  The next year, you should try to be as even and level as you can be. Understand its her brain that has turned against her. And even with meds it takes time to find her way back. Now you can only do so much, and if she gets violent, or starts hurting you emotionally and mentally then you have to leave. Only you will know when enough is enough. Trust me, you will know. Hopefully  you can help her find her way back.

  Good luck  Bill  

Since I am currently spinning I suppose what I say will be very truthful. There isnt anything that you can do that is going to be right at the moment. Just know that her heart and her brain are two separate entities. Its her brain that is hurting you both. In her heart she is still the women you love and loves you. Sometimes your brain is just to strong to fight. You lash out at the people you love because the heartache is so strong that nothing can stop it not even some out of control brain. I don't know if this is going to make any sense to you but sometimes the only thing that pulls you outta the mania is heartache and I believe that we all subconsciously know that and that is why we lash out at the people we love. But all to often the ones we love are so hurt they aren't there to catch you when you fall. If you love her you'll be there to catch her and if she loves you she'll always come back to you. Good luck

Everyone has offered wonderful insight. My husband has never ending patience and as long as he knows I am doing all I can to be well, we get through whatever comes our way. Sometimes I think, in my case anyway, that I try too hard to correct myself when out of balance. Sometimes I think you need to just go with what is happening instead of fighting it so hard and by that I mean, if I have a manic, grumpy day, instead of lashing out at those around me, I try to throw myself into something constructive and "burn" off that excessive energy - alone -with my own thoughts. If i am really down, I just try to accomplish what I can that day and don't beat myself up about it because I know that when I wake up the next day there is a good chance I well feel totally different. I know that my biggest trigger to these episodes is stress. I do not handle stress well and when I feel overwhelmed I get into trouble with my mood swings.

Make sure she is eating a good diet (cut out the junk and the fat and as much caffeine as possible), exercising especially when depressed (you would be surprised what a nice long walk can do for your moods) and has something fun in her life to distract her when her thoughts are messed up.

I can only image what my spouse has gone through, but we are both realistic enough to know that life holds no guarantees. If there is love there, you two can work together to make your life a good one and your own despite what fate has thrown your way.

Gem