New and in desperate need of support

SpolarMommy

New Member

Joined : Feb 2011

Posts : 1

Posted 2/16/2011 5:08 AM (GMT 0)

Hello I'm new here. I'm stuggling so bad with this disorder. I try to hard to be normal but I'm just tired of having to try so hard. I feel so great and then sooooo bad. I feel so bad and I can't remember a time when it was ever good. I'm feeling bad right now..and I should. I'm a MEAN wife, I yell at my husband all the time. I say horrible things to him. Things so horrible that If I repeated them here in this forum I get banned. Why?? That's horrible. Now we have this beautiful baby girl and we are fighting right in front of her... I'm screaming and yelling at him about how mad I am and what a horrible husband he is, all while she is in his arms.
*** is up with that.. WHO DOES THAT?!?

That has GOT to be emotionally scarring for my daughter. I spend hours and days reading these books on how to communicate with a toddler in a loving respectful way, yet I scream at her dad in a hateful, disrespectful way. In front of her.

I need help... I don't know what to do. I'm not working. I had a meltdown and was IP for several days and then on sick leave for longer and they didn't rehire me. That really bothered me. That's a long story too. The pdocs in the hospital put me on 10MG of wellbutriun and 100mg of serequol. Then the pdoc after I got out put me on .5 if risperdol. .5mg Ativan as needed. Took me off Serequol Now I don't have a pdoc because I have no insurance but my spouse thinks that he could probably put me on his insurance if needed.

I don't know where to begin. I don't think the meds work. I end up giving up every time they start me on meds. I don't want to take the night meds cus they make me so fat.. I'm so fat I never want to leave the house... I'm so ashamed of the way I look.. that's a long story to..sometimes I look in the mirror and say things like "all fat people should be lined up and shot" or "fat people should go to concentration camps" My daughter is to young to know what I am saying now, but I dont want her growing up to think those things.. but I do think them of myself.. I hate myself

I'm just in desperate need of help and I don't know where to begin... I'm so tired of trying to fit into this role of suburb mom when I feel so out of control. help ((

sick4way2long

New Member

Joined : Feb 2011

Posts : 2

Posted 2/16/2011 11:19 AM (GMT 0)

Well im new here as well been sick 4 plus years I am sorry to hear how hard things have been for you. First let me start by saying you are not a horrible person or a bad wife etc. These illineses can bring out the worse in us and when we act this way its because all of the pain we feel comes out at one time. It is hard we watch other people going to work or hanging out with friends and doing the things we wish we could do. The fact that you have a young child is hard enough for people who are not sick let alone some one who is disabled. I do use the word disabled as it took me years to accept that I am indeed disabled. I am not and can not be the person I was. Please do not be so hard on yourself I know I have those days where I feel its me against the world. I feel no one understands the hell I am going through and really they dont. They can empathize but no one but you truly knows how you feel. You deserve just as we all do a better life may I suggest this feel free to be selfish when it comes to working on getting your health back if you take the time now to fully address your health only then one day will you be happy and your family will be happy. You must make this your priority it does not mean you neglecting your family but how can you be expected to be a good wife a good mother when your not even feeling good about yourself. You must pour most of what energy you do have into your treatment. If your family truly understands they will support this and finally never feel guilty you did not ask for this but you do have to try to fix it. I could go on and on but I hope this helps feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. Tomorrow is another day and were all fighting together. Take care and dont hesitate to message me if you need to talk we all need support from each other

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