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Exhausted-going to Pdoc today

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 3/15/2011 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
I have had to work 7 days straight and I am exhausted. What was supposed to be a part-time job has turned into 35-40 hours a week. I am struggling. I am very grateful to have this job and I really love it but the extra hours are too much and I don't know how to tell my boss because I want to be a team player and we have had a lot of people quit. But then more people are taking vacations so that will mean more work.

I've been at the job 6 months. I decided to get a job after I was denied disability last year. I have been so happy to be able to contribute. Plus my teen son is now living with me and my current husband so I feel like I need to help out more than ever. Whenever I complain about worsening bipolar symptoms and have mini-breakdowns due to work overload my husband says things like, " well, I guess you just can't work a job." it's never oh honey I hope you feel better. But he is bipolar too and can work circles around me and he grocery shops and cleans. He's got bp1 and I have bp2.

I'm wondering if I should tell my boss due to health reasons I can only work 25 hours a week. But I would be a copout to my hubby. However I'm rather awful to live with. Or am I. My hubby is overwhelmed with work too and it's not fair for me to cave. It's just that I' so tired all the time-too tired to eat right or go
to the gym. I get better when I have a couple of days off or when they only work me 5hours a day. I get super screwed up when I have to work several 8 and a half hour days in a row.

I'm having surges of energy for a few hours then exhaustion. I am overwhelmed when shopping and hate people. I think people in stores act gross and they get in my space. I am irritated a lot.

My teen does drugs. I feel like I'm overly sensitive to the energies of others. I am an empath and I can't seem to keep others out of my auric field. I can only go to work and then come home and sit in bed with a book or the Internet.

Sorry to go on like this. I want to come off my meds or half them. They are bad for the liver. I'm on 20mg. Of celexa and 150mg. Lamictal. Sometimes. I wonder if I'm rally bipolar or just a fragile person living in a complicated world that has been through a heck of a lot of rough life situations.

Help.
Posted 3/15/2011 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
I took all of your advice to heart and did not go off my meds. Just went to Pdoc. He upped my lamictal to 200mf. And added tegretol to the mix. He said I was a classic bipolar. I do extremely well for 3-4 months and then I turn into a completely different person. I am cyclic and in a mixed state. Now I am struggling with life. He has written me a note to only work part time which is what I am hired for however part time at my job can mean 33-40hours a week. I can do about 25-28. Dr. Dr. Did not specify hours in note. What amount of hours should I tell them without aggravating them? What if they say I am already working part-time and that's too bad. What if they ask me what my medical condition is and fire me?
Posted 3/15/2011 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
They can't ask you that. They can only ask about symptoms as they pertain to the job. With Dr. note, you can choose not to answer.

I believe you'll find a solution. Expect to need a change in medication every month or 2. Eventually your Dr. will find the right medication for you. :)
Posted 3/15/2011 11:00 PM (GMT 0)

 You have to trust your gut, and it seems that your gut is telling you that 40 hours a week is to much. You have to get back down to 25 a week and then see how it goes from there.

  im also very empathic. Thats why i had to get out of my relationship with my wife which had turned toxic. Getting out of that house with all its issues was a godsend. Thats why my dog has become so important, his moods are allways the same. Happy to see me, no trust issues, no guilt, just a great friend.

   Stop beating yoruself up over not being to do more. You can only do what you can do. Accept what you cannot change, change what you cannot accept, and god grant you the wisdom to know the difference.

   You need to get yourself straight. You cannot fix the problems in your family and friends until you are rock solid. And if it takes time, then so be it. Until you are good with you, nothing can really be accomplished. And accepting that it will take time to heal is just life. I tried to jump the gun, and go forward with out healing right, and it came back and bit me in the butt.

   Good luck Bill

Posted 3/19/2011 12:04 PM (GMT 0)
YEP TO THE ABOVE POST. TAKE CARE OF YOU. WITH HEAL;ING COMPASSION. JAMIE. MIXED MOOD STATE AND RAPID CYCLER.
Posted 3/19/2011 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
Oh well-am on the new meds. They make me so sick all day long until about 5 or 6 pm. I am like a zombie. I can barely walk and forget about driving! However I only called in sick one day and even took an extra shift on. I am awful at saying "no."

I decided not to give my boss the note because I didn't want to jeopardize my job. I'm really lucky to have one and the economy here is real bad. So next week I have to deal with 38 hours. I'm gambling on my meds kicking in and undoing the mixed state scramble as I work along. So far I've only had to work half days as per my schedule but today is 8 and 1/2. I'm worried I might get sick and throw up or not be able to stand up so I'm taking 1/2of the med at breakfast and 1/2 at lunch.

Anyways trying to be a stand up person and not let this illness govern my life. But it is hard. Though sometimes I think it is harder for me to give up and sit at home. My head's a weird place to visit and I go there a lot when i don't have anything else to do so working keeps out of my head.

Just trying to cheer myself on. I'm a little afraid how the heck I'm going to get through. If happy bill can do it-maybe I can too!
Posted 3/19/2011 9:39 PM (GMT 0)
i wish you well red. one day at a time my friend. jamie
Posted 3/21/2011 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi red,

(((HUGS))) It really does sound like you're in a mixed state. Really thinking you should focus on reducing your hours at work.....I know it's hard but the bottom line is that it's hurting your well-being. We gotta do what we gotta do, right?

Stable sleep is so important. Are you sleeping at night? Are you seeing anyone for talk therapy? Don't be too hard on yourself...this is really hard to manage, but you can do it. Do you also suffer from anxiety or panic attacks?

Keep us posted...

Hugs,
Mogs
Posted 3/21/2011 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone...my little voice said to come here and see how everyone was doing. I am still feeling real sick to my stomach and drowsy with the new meds. Today is day 6 at work and I get 1 day off tomorrow then back at it. There is a new lead sales person transferring from Cal. And she will be here in April. Then I will get less hours, hopefully.

My boss is controlling, micro-managing, and what's that word that rhymes with ' itchy?' I am intimidated by her. Especially when I get tired there's not a lot of fight in me. So I'm chicken to mention the hours are too much. However the other part-time girl I work with said she'd just flat out refuse to work like me and that this job wasn't going to control her life. I liked her fire. Maybe she's been put in my life to show me how to deal with the boss.

Yes, I have anxiety...and when I was mixed up in the last week or so I had a very bad anxiety/panic attack. You all may think I'm nuts but I am connecting with angels to see me through this and they are helping me. I am not religious, however.

I may give that note to my boss this week but I'm afraid she'll cut my hours back to nothing just to spite me. Also, if I can hold out until the new girl gets here in April, my problems will be automatically solved as she will consume my hours.

I am feeling much more stable today due to the tegretol but I am so tired. I may be feeling better only because I know this is my last day to work and I have the day off tomorrow. My husband and son cleaned the house and bought groceries yesterday. That helped a lot.
Posted 3/21/2011 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
O.k. I am going to listen to you guys and my very good friend who all say my health is no.1. I am going to give that note to my boss this week.

I started crying in the shower due to exhaustion but had to make myself stop because I'm so sick I was afraid I would throw up.

I can not take it anymore. I am crying all the time, never smile, force myself to be nice 247, hate people, and last night at work I felt like throwing the stupid peg holes across the store. I hate the job I used to love. What is wrong with me? Did my job really suck and I never noticed it until now. Everybody at work is exhausted to and has a negative attitude towards the boss. We all hate her. She doesn't even know it or
doesn't care.

I am listening to you and my friend instead of doing things the same way I've always done them which is my way. Getting so sick-want to throw up everything.
Posted 3/21/2011 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
P.S. What I'm talking about here is taking my Own advice...and that is Letting Go of the fear of what might happen with the job and letting life roll bc I can't do it anymore...acceptance of who I am.
Posted 3/22/2011 6:10 AM (GMT 0)
yes red. you are a precious human being with gifts and talents unique to only you. beleive in you, love you and be true. keep strong, here for ya, jamie.
Posted 3/22/2011 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
I know you guys are probably sick of this thread. Yes, it should be over with. And yet I can't make a decision about that stupid Drs. Note. Here's why:

Went to work yesterday and there is a woman I work with who fell down on the concrete floor in the frame room 3 days ago and has a bruised and swollen knee. She can hardly walk...and yet she's made it to work everyday when she can hardly stand because she doesn't want to make it harder on the rest of us. We are short- handed. She has worked at the store for 30 years. I have a lot of respect for her. She just never gives up.

I don't want to make it harder on my fellow employees for cutting back my hours before the new girl starts. It's the manager's fault for not getting enough coverage but we suffer for it.

My husband thinks I should not give the note. He doesn't want me to get on the manager's bad side.

I guess part of bipolar is difficulty with decisions. I fear the outcome if I tell. I fear the outcome if I don't tell.

Sorry to keep bothering everyone with this. It's just that my attitude at work as slid like everyone elses. I mean I busted my a&s for the first 6months and still my review which should have been sparkling...had a few smudges. I talked to the wast Knut about this and she said that there was no way to ever please the manager no matter how hard you worked. I tell you I have never tried so hard before and after a few things have happened, including getting sick...I wonder if this is a lesson in saying no and standing up to my truth in front of a difficult person.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick and confused. Sorry to go on. I know this is getting old.
Posted 3/22/2011 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
 

  Hey Red, im glad you are here trying to figure out what to do, you could be out drinking or doing drugs, this is a much more healthy way to express yoruself.

  I was in your place a few months ago. I was working 80 hours one week and 88 the next, rotating sceadual. I finally just had to look at things and admit i couldnt keep it up. I had to cut it back. Even though in my mind i was losing 200-300 a month by cutting back, i had to just accept that i had hit the end of that particular road. Acceptance. Thats what i had to embrace, accept that i couldnt keep up that work sceadual, money or not, something had to give. 

   So i relented, i now work 75 hours a week. And it has made all the difference. I am so much happier. I got a roommate, i kept my bills trimmed back (i still have no internet or tv at home) shocked shocked shocked    But i am so much happier. It was so bad at one point i was thinking of death as a friend to relieve me of my work load. Danger will robinson, danger. smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin   Now this new sceadual i feel i can keep up for quite awhile.

   In the end, you have to be true to you. It cant be about everyone else, or your hubby, it has to be about you. Think of it this way, you work 40 hours a week for the next 10 weeks and earn 400 hours of pay. But then you have a break down, go into the hospital, (or worse) and now you are earning no money. Instead you work 25 hours to 30 hours a week for the next10 weeks, earn 300 hours of pay, and are fine to keep it up for the forseeable future. THink long run here.

   And most bosses allways screw up appraisals. So i never sweat them. I know in my heart if i did as well as i could. And in the end thats the only personn i ever have to live up to.

   BIll

Posted 3/22/2011 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
I did it! This morning on my day off I went to the manager at work and told her that due to illness I would not be able to work over 25 hours a week with 2 days off. I told her that I worked another week after getting the Drs. Note because I didn't want to let anyone down. She kept asking me what my illness was. I told her it was personal. She asked again and I told her I didn't want to say because their was a stigma attached. She asked again and I told her I had bipolar disorder. She said I never had to worry about that with her and I started crying...then she started crying. She told me she had a sister with it. She gave me tomorrow off and would work out the schedule for the week so I would have less hours. She was so kind and understanding. I even told her I loved her as I left and she said same with her.

I prayed to the 4 angels and divinity to do this. It was not like me to accept my illness and take care of my health no matter how scared I was of the outcome. I feel that you all and my friend and the source of all that is helped me through this. When I can't hear the small voice within due to fear and agitation I find the message in other people. If many people all say the same thing I follow it no matter that it is hard for me not to do my own will. I let go and excepted me for who I was.

Thank you to all who posted here. I feel I have bridged a milestone here in both physical and spiritual and mental health.

My throat has been sore 4 two days because I did not tell my truth but now the pain is lessening.

I feel such relief and no guilt or shame.

Thank you for your loving guidance, my friends.
Posted 3/22/2011 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
 

  Yay, congrats Red, thats great news. Im so proud of you.

  I hope your manager continues to support you, it sounds like she realizes how good it is to have you, even if it is just for 25 hours a week.

  Bill 

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