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Posted 4/30/2011 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
my husband is bipolar, is taking some meds and seeing a doctor on a regular basis.  Last year I found out he was gambling our money away, going to strip clubs and staying out late drinking.  We went to marriage counseling for a few months and got rid of all his credit cards so we now have one shared one.

I was previously married to an alcoholic and my current husband said he felt that him going out drinking all the time triggered his manic episode where most of the drinking, gambling and strip club stuff occurred.

He has started doing social activites again at work where he is drinking again.  He is not staying out as late as before but is still coming in later then what we agreed to and says he just lost track of time and thinks I'm over reacting. 

I feel alone in the marriage and am constantly feeling like I'm just waiting for something bad to happen because of his bipolar and the fact that he is drinking socially again.  I have never felt like I could fully trust him since I found out about everything last year.

I'm not sure what to do,  I almost feel like we should just get a divorce so I wouldn't be such an emotional wreck all the time.

How can I trust him again and stop thinking the worse will happen.

Posted 4/30/2011 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi , I am to a wife to a BP husband. We are currently separated. Your husband SHOULD NOT be drinking with his meds. It is hard enough to deal with all the anxieties of dealng with a BP spouse , let alone him drinking as well. My heart breaks for you, because I know the rollercoaster of stress we deal with.

I say think about yourself first. He is obviously not putting your needs or wants first.
i lost myself caring for my husband. now that we are separated I realize the stress that I had not knowing how he would act each day. In fact he cleaned out our bank account walked out and left me with 4 kids 2 still in diapers. And i am stay at home mom. Even with all that he did I have so much peace now in my home.
We are now 3 weeks separated and I don't want to go back to the life i had with him. It was too drepressing.

As they get older the BP gets worst, I know it's a awful illness they deal with everyday. But my husband's behavior was very destructive. He became very selfish. I felt he emotionally abused me. And I can't live a life that way.

Put yourself FIRST!! do what's best for you!
Posted 5/6/2011 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
pixie1, mt4 is 100% correct. I am a bipolar male 66 yo. Once we start with behavior like strip clubs, and drinking it is time for you to leave. You say you can never be sure, but you CAN BE SURE OF ONE THING, within a short time if not already he will be with other women. It just seems to progress that way, then you will be leaving yourself open to any number of medical issues. It will not only end up a mental health issue for you but a physical issue.
If he was taking his meds, and working hard and staying home there may be a chance. I disagree with mt4 on one thing. bi polar disorder is not progressive, it is just that if patients do not take their meds they will certinly self medicate with alcohol or drugs, and it just seems worse. However in my case after many bad years I have settled back with my first wife and live a quiet life. However I work hard at it and have had to slow doen as I am now 66y.o., but everything else mt4 say's is 100% correct, unless he stops at once it is time to pack up
Posted 5/6/2011 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Also, Al-Anon is a great support group for me. I too have an alcoholic BP husband. Al-anon is for friends and family of alcoholics. Alcoholism is a family disease and everyone is affected by the alcoholic whether he/she is still drinking or not. It's a place where I learn to keep the focus on me and not the alcoholic. I can not change, I did not create and I can not cure alcoholism. Those are the three C's! Anyway, it has helped me to create a life for myself by detaching from the alcoholic and all the immense drama. It helps me keep the focus on me. It's something for You.
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