Looking for Answers

I found this site while looking at bipolar and I am looking for some practical advice.  My daughter who is 20 just got married to her high school sweetheart, who is also 20, who she had dated for 4 years and there were NO signs of mental illness in all that time.  Six months into the marriage he had a complete break with reality, hallucinations and obsession with stars and aliens. 

In two weeks they have tried two different medications but he isn't serious about taking them.  What is the reality of living with someone who is bipolar and doesn't take their meds?  Is it because he is young that he is fighting being medicated or is this a lifelong issue?

As her parent, I am frightened that he will hurt her but I love my son-in-law too.  How often does a bipolar person turn on their spouse?

Thank you in advance for your answers. 

This is harsh, but she young and new to this whole thing, I would have to say get out of it. At least LEGALLY and FINANCIALLY, get out ASAP.

I am bipolar, I'm actively in treatment and stable. My ex-husband of 5 years shows all diagnostic criteria, no treatment, not stable. My fiance and I are 2 years going strong, stable, we don't fight, no drama.

The deciding factor, IMO, is the bipolar person's commitment to treatment. I endured rages, animal abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, rape, infidelity, being controlled, demeaned, humiliated. He would go from wanting/needing/demanding sex 6+ times a day and then months were he would not touch me. He drowned us financially. Repeatedly. He dropped out of high school. Still no GED 8? years later. He forged, stole money out of my accounts, shoplifted, even stole from friends! He dug us into about $12K debt, not including mortgage. All of which I had to pay off. When he wasn't doing any of those things, he was tearing the house apart - knocking down walls, tearing out ceiling, for "projects" that we didn't have money for and he didn't know how to do. 2 of his electrical projects started on fire! Getting the point? That's a short version of a relationship with a bipolar that is NOT active in treatment.

Relationship with a person active in treatment is my fiance and I. It's mostly normal. If I'm having an issue I tell him. He is my employer so I have freedom to mark myself off for a few days or half-days when stress is causing symptoms (I can only work a couple hours a week). I take my meds. I use a service dog. I stay in close contact with my Dr. if I am having symptoms. Sometimes my fiance will notice a change like sleeping less or talking fast and ask if I'm OK. Other than that, we're very ordinary.

The decision is completely hers but she MUST understand that his actions can ruin her financially. So badly that it could be difficult or impossible to leave when the worst happens. Protecting her legally and financially is the thing to do. This is harsh, but even an anullment. Leave the relationship intact, but take out her legal/financial obligation if/when things go very wrong.

I encourage them to "go Dutch" on expenses. Split joint expenses 50/50, separate accounts for each, and the rest of the money they are individually accountable for. So any impulsive/irrational/psychotic spending on his part can't hurt her. I have yet to meet a bipolar that hasn't drained EVERY PENNY out of bank accounts on a hypomanic or manic spending spree. Some will even get into 10's of K's of debt on credit cards. The money thing is a BIG deal. Legally, yes, many bipolars do get into legal trouble. Like I said my ex had the thefts and then a list of traffic violations as long as your arm.

DocWatch said...
I found this site while looking at bipolar and I am looking for some practical advice. My daughter who is 20 just got married to her high school sweetheart, who is also 20, who she had dated for 4 years and there were NO signs of mental illness in all that time. Six months into the marriage he had a complete break with reality, hallucinations and obsession with stars and aliens.
In two weeks they have tried two different medications but he isn't serious about taking them. What is the reality of living with someone who is bipolar and doesn't take their meds? Is it because he is young that he is fighting being medicated or is this a lifelong issue?

As her parent, I am frightened that he will hurt her but I love my son-in-law too. How often does a bipolar person turn on their spouse?

Thank you in advance for your answers.

I REALLY hate to say this, but IMHO she should bail now and save some heartache. Read the stories here of people beyond age 30 who have BP and how it affects their families. Being so young the odds of the marriage lasting are not good under optimal conditions. At that age, we still aren't fully cooked yet and may do things that we wouldn't dream of doing 10 years later. What i mean is he may ask her for money to build a satellite dish to contact the aliens. You may think that she wouldn't be stupid enough to do it, but at that age, we do ANYTHING for love. I am sure if you think hard, you would remember how it was. I certainly do.

Also, I found out that BP gets worse with age. If as a young 20 something he is having these bad symptoms, odds are they are going to get worse and being so young, he is not likely to take meds.

Now granted, I could be completely wrong and off base, but this is my opinion, so take it with a shaker of salt.