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Fear, Friendships and Isolation

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 6/17/2011 7:31 AM (GMT 0)
Okay, I've accepted that human relationships are not going to be my strong point in life and to improve in this area I'm going to have to work hard and smart. And someone here may have some valuable knowledge and experience.

When I was in hospital, the pdoc had me talking for 2 hours! During that time I explained how that when I was little I withdrew from my friends to protect them, because if they got too close to me, my stepdad would molest them too. I didn't see my own molestation as something horrific, but my sense of compassion for what my friends endured was overwhelming and I felt so devastated that they ended up being damaged and hurt via being my friend. To see their pain was much worse than my own. I pushed the people I liked away, to keep them safe.

I also have such a deep fear of people due to my own abuse psychologically, physically and sexually... it doesn't take much to set off mega PTSD reactions for me just in the course of daily life. I try not to withdrawal but I also need to try to keep my mental health in a relatively stable zone. I get triggered by almost everything that moves!!! and the intensity of those reactions are overwhelming.

I really enjoyed spending time with a couple of people in hospital. One lady said "make sure you ring me and stay in touch". I would be too scared to stay in touch and try and be her friend. She is a lovely lady and has a lot of qualities I appreciate in someone. Can anyone shine any light on what is a dark complex area for me. I'd really welcome any help anyone can give to strengthen my weaknesses in this area. How do I let people a little closer without completely freaking out?

Thanks!
Posted 6/17/2011 7:42 AM (GMT 0)
you are already doing it here on hw!!!! smallls steps, create a small action plan for yourself. are you seeing a therapist? if so this is something that you can work on. if not then work on it yourself. set some realistic goals and give them a go. also you can write down your strengths and weaknessess. and maybe you can plan some steps to strengthen some areas. i am not saying face your fears stuff.........i think you know what i mean. you can use some of your strengths to aide in the strenghening of some weaknessess as well. as they say, there are plenty of ways to skin a cat!!! sorry for the term, but it highlights it best. hoping this helps. with healing compassion, jamie
Posted 6/17/2011 6:18 PM (GMT 0)
living well:

  thanks for sharing your feelings with us.  I have similar problems with friendships, but I didn't suffer the abuse you did.

I had some very close frienships growing up all the way until my early 20's.  I'm now 38 & unfortunately don't have one  true good friend I spend time with.  Part of that is b/c I spend SO much time at work, and I'm married with 3 small kids.  I really don't have much time for friends, but I need to do better.

  Here's my advice:  sometimes you have to take the risk of calling up someone you think you'll connect with.  If they don't call back, there's always others to meet :)

   Go ahead and call the lady you met in the hospital.  the fact she invited you to call her is great sign.  She may feel the same way you do about friends.  maybe she doesn't have many and is reaching out.  She wants to develop a friendship with you from what I can tell.  Sometimes those of us with our mental stuggles only need 1 true friend in the world.  That's sorta why I don't do facebook.  The people I see on it have the most superficial "friends" that they could never count on in real need.

   I think if we all had only about 3 close friends along with a larger support system (like this one), that's all we need.

Maybe we can make an agreement to start reaching out to others and develop some friends.  That's important for our well being. Sorry for writing so much, I really hope this helps!

   keep posting.  your online friend Tommy :)

Posted 6/17/2011 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
LW,

I like Tommy's ideas in that you just try to reach out if you can. Try to remember that this woman is reaching out to you and is interested in further contact with YOU. She would understand if there are periods where you don't reach out or could help you more since she probably would understand your illness more. I think it will be easier once you are feeling better though. I still have a hard time reaching out to my 2 best friends. Luckily, they know it isn't personal and check in with me every week or so. I know it would be great for you to have a person in the flesh to talk to, but I also am finding a LOT of comfort here with people that know what I am going through!
Posted 6/20/2011 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
My me
I'm on Seroquel. It makes so tired .No matter what time of day I take. I want to stop taking it .Does any who has taken this drug just stopped taking It.
I'v only been on it two months. I'm pn300 mg. I hate feeling li feel like
Just sitting in my chair all day .I just have no engery . I can take it .
Posted 6/20/2011 1:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi My Me,
Serequel is sedating apparently. I've just started on the standard non-slow-release Serequel today. I have a lot of problem with fatigue so I'm just starting on a 1/4 of the minimum strength tablet 25mg - total dose 6.25mg and will have some idea how it affects me when I wake up in 8 hours from now. Talk to the prescribing doctor about the side effects you are experiencing. You may want to discuss decreasing your dose in increments first and seeing what happens; you might find the sweet spot in your dosing requirements without having to change meds. You may still find after all that tweaking that you still need to change meds but it is not without first working out what a lighter Serequel dose does. It does have an anti-anxiety effect, so if you lighten your Serequel dose you may need another medication to help with anxiety, if that is a symptom you battle with. We are all so different. We just gotta find what works for us and to be prepared to have a bit of trialling and juggling to get us to the best we can be. I had a better day today... I was able to function... I could so easily fall apart again or I could become elevated. I just have to watch my moods closely and get to know the early warning signs and how to best respond to them. I know only too well how dreadful fatigue.... sleepiness and cognitive confusion is. I wish you all the best in getting your meds right, and leading a happy and fulfilling life.. Warm Wishes, LW
Posted 6/21/2011 7:47 AM (GMT 0)
I USE IT FOR SLEEP. (SEROQUEL) 900-1200MG. JAMIE
Posted 6/30/2011 3:40 AM (GMT 0)
Living well

I am completely in the same boat of not having friends. Well, I have one very very good friend, but he can't fulfill all my social needs. I don't, however have the same push people away problem. I went to a bipolar support group a couple of times and didn't get much out of it and I am now attending a hobbies group. I also volunteer. Thinking about my experiences... I find that minimal contact or impersonal contact is better than no contact. I feel much better the days I volunteer or meet with the hobby group. Your case is different though because of the constant triggers, and the pattern from your childhood. (Geeze, childhood, I wish I could flush mine down the toilet.) Maybe more impersonal would be better at first for you. There are support groups both for bipolar and abuse. Support groups are nice because you can just go and instantly belong to a group, you can choose to remain silent, and there is always the possibility that you might have a nice chat with someone at some point. But no pressure. The other advantage of support groups is that these people have the same problems you do, and are more likely to understand and feel compassion. The bipolar group, people saw I felt uncomfortable and tried to help me feel at ease. And jaimee is right, coming here is good!

((( hugs )))
Posted 7/6/2011 6:09 AM (GMT 0)
Hi hopeful one, I hope you have enjoyed making friends here - I know I have. I like the positively focussed groups myself too. I'm not bagging support groups, they have their place; I just enjoy "getting out of my crap", rather than "getting into my crap" with other people. (I whinge enough here, to feel fully purged! lol). I am enjoying my weekly walking group and I went back to aqua aerobics yesty and went out for social coffee after (standard practice :) ). I haven't got involved in a hobby group yet, but my community worker is trying to get me tapped into a local art group, so I have a bit of creativity in my life. Last Friday night I watched Jim Carey's "Yes Man" and it actually made an impact on me. Yesterday a woman I didn't really know, invited me into her home, sat me down, gave me a mandarin and glass of water, stuck a karaoke mic in front of my face and instructed me to sing. We belted out a few good tunes and I really enjoyed myself :). I told someone in the walking group about my bipolar dx today. It was only my third week, so I don't have an emotional investment in these people yet, so I figured it was a safe place to try out some disclosure. I was still welcomed. (It turns out the lady only had extreme, unmedicated bipolars in her family and I did feel the need to point out, that no, I don't stab people in the eye with car keys - not usually anyway turn). Have I mentioned I love Seroquel? I've never felt this stable in my life. I know there will be fluctuations - but even with fluctuations, I still feel I can get a hang of this being medicated stuff! I liiiiiiike it... yeah I'm really enjoying the people in this community here too. Thanks guys.
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