Hello there. I recently came upon this site and found it to be very interesting and helpful. I felt in many ways that I was reading about my own life.
I think that my husband may be bi-polar. He worked in NYC up until the 9/11 attacks. He was right there. He found himself unable to return to work. He saw a doctor and was given medication for depression. He saw a mental health professional for a short time and he took a short leave of absence from work. He went back to work but found himself unable to do his job (high stress stock broker) and was also physically ill. In a hasty and stupid decision we deciced to quit our jobs and pack up and move. We had a vacation home in upstate NY and decided to sell our present home and move north (far from the city). Biggest mistake we ever made. Huge! That decision should never have been made in his current state of mind and I should never have gone along with it. Too bad we weren't told that at the time by a professional. But, hindsight. This is a very long story so i will try to skip a lot of the details. Things were horrible after we moved. Three house sales fell through and we had no jobs and 2 mortgages. We fell into serious financial difficulties and still have not recovered. He hasn't been able to make a decent living up here and he payscale is low for my job(s). At one point I had 3 jobs. My husband was pretty much out of his mind and drinking a lot. I was so depressed that I finally just broke down at my obgyn appointment and she started me on effexor. It helped some. Eventually things were so out of control I insisted that he call a mental health professional and schedule appointments for us. Together or separately. We went to a few sessions with a CSW (separately). It was good to talk things out but I could have done that much with a good friend. After a few sessions we were both required to see the doctor (a psychiatrist I think). Again, we met separately. I walked away with a diagnosis of clinical depression with higher doses of effexor, and he walked away with nothing. I was furious. He walked in there and said nothing was wrong. He wasn't at all truthful. After time I was grateful at least for working on getting myself well enough to focus and think clearly. You can't fix others but you must first fix yourself. Anyway, between 2002 and now things have been wildly up and down with us. He drank a lot, self medicating with beer and hard liquor, had an affair, was so verbally abusive to me and our daughter, controlling, a perfectionist, forgetful, completely unfocused, spent some days in bed. On days that he was "up" he would babble on and on talking over me. Like he was over caffienated. I couldn't get a word in. He has constantly complained to me about lack of sex. He has a terrible mean streak. He smashed one of our dining room chairs in anger. He is easily set off by little things. My life with him has been a rollercoaster. Even before the 9/11 attacks. It's all so clear now but I never put it together. I started doing some research on bipolar disorder and found so many similarities to our situation. It has been so very difficult staying together. A few weeks ago I had a major meltdown and started seriously thinking of my escape. I've had a lot of meltdowns but this one was was the mother of them all. I was ready to go and planning in my mind. Do I desert my husband and daughter? Is divorce imminent? We are in such financial ruin right now it makes no sense. Together we have nothing. Apart we have nothing. Our credit will be ruined and our home foreclosed. We are very close to this. He just accepted a job making $16.50 an hour and I make $14.50 an hour. Our mortgage is over $1,000 a month, we have $50,000 in credit card debt, he has a car payment, food, insurance, etc. He did NOT want to have to take this job. Everyone told him that he should take it and be happy to have a job in today's economy. He's looking at it all very negatively. Here's a guy who used to make a six figure salary and now he has to take a job making $16.50 an hour. He is a failure who cannot support his family. He is riddled with guilt and can't get past things that have happend in the past, poor decisions made, mistakes along the way. Now that I know what I know, i am somewhat relieved at the fact that ALL of this stuff that has happend in our lives is probably due to an illness. It helps me somewhat but now, how do I get him to understand this and to see a doctor? I believe this is more than depression or PTSD but we need a diagnosis. Things are only going to get worse for us financially and that stress sends him over the edge. He has said in the past that the only reason he hasn't killed himself yet is cause the insurance won't pay out for suicide. I have been to the point where I didn't really care if I were dead or alive either. Oh yeah,and our daughter was just prescribed prozac by the family physician. Says she's depressed. BIG SURPRISE!