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Posted 7/23/2011 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
i'm 24 years old and i'm finding it harder to not take the entire bottle of lamictal on my counter. i have been in my depressed state for quite a wihle now. i feel like a little kid most of the time. when i say i feel like a little kid, i mean that i want to hide. i feel disgusting and fat, though people tell me i'm too thin, causing me to not want to eat. when i do eat i feel even more grotesque. i can't do this much longer. i need help
Posted 7/24/2011 8:21 AM (GMT 0)
Tristantzara,

Hello, welcome here to the Healingwell Site. It is nice to meet you, I'm Serenitee. I am sorry that you are having a difftcult time. I empathize with how your feeling. I have a terrible problem with self-image along with many other things. For me it gets difficult to deal with as well, and even when my family says they love me how I am and it doesn't matter that I'm having weight-gain problems, it just doesn't help or change my mind about how I personally feel about myself. I am a female (bald) & people say some of the most cruel things. I'm sorry I didn't mean to ramble on about myself.

I just want you to know that we care. I was wondering, you mentioned Lamictal...Are you seeing a Therapist of Psych Dr.? If so, have they tried any other meds or combinations of meds? I truly am sorry you are having difficult thoughts & please keep reaching out and talking with others that understand. If you feel like you are in danger of hurting yourself pleez go to the ER or call a crisis line, or Doctor.

I'm not sure if you have already tried any of those avenues of help before, however, I know that when the police took me at gunpoint to the ER, they put me on a lockdown for a couple weeks on the psych ward (last September, & first experience with therapists, psych dr.'s & mental health meds & treatment). But with their help, 5-months Outpatient Treatment, and still see my psych Dr. weekly since then...there is some relief with having someone to talk to & the right combination of meds.

 

All my best to you. I look forward to seeing you posting.

Your Healingwell Friend,

Serenitee

 

Bipolar 2 (manic-depressive), Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Ptsd

 

Posted 7/24/2011 8:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hello:

Thank you so much for your response. It's okay to talk about yourself. It helps to hear that other people share the same issues, only if that person feels comfortable doing so. Thank you. I have calmed down a bit since this post, and I'm fairly sure I broke a rule by writing it, so I apologize to anyone who reads it for breaking that rule. Feel free to edit it or do what you need. I'm sorry.

I take lamictal with another med for mood stabilization, but mainly for seizures recently I have been really depressed and the prior issue is what I have been dealing with. I have been to the psych hospital quite a few times and I don't want to go back, but I I mention that problem that is where I will land, which causes me to be stuck. I just don't know what to do anymore.

The weight thing is what really gets me. I am a 24 year old girl, 5 ft. 8 in., and I tend to weigh around 123lbs, but my boyfriend has been bugging me to eat, which brings me to 125 lbs. Gainging a couple of lbs terrifies me. If anything I would line to lose more! I can't talk to my doc about that because his solutions is to put me in the hospital and they will force me to eat. My solutions is how I am going to lose that weight, which I am currently working on.

Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble. I am 24, I work at the deaf school in my state, and I feel like I should be much more grown up than I am. I hate this feeling. :(
Posted 7/24/2011 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
If you are 5'8" tall you should weigh about 140 pounds to be in normal weight limit. You aren't over weight, so do yourself a favor and eat something. You don't have to eat a lot, but if you don't eat, you are going to be way too thin. That is unhealthy.

I think it is cool that you work helping the deaf. You are doing good for yourself. You sound like a very compassionate person. Take care of yourself.

I talked to you on depression I believe.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/24/2011 3:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hello again...

I did talk to you on the depression forum. I wrote on this one as well in hopes that someone can help me figure out what is wrong with me, so that I can possibly pull out of this. I work at the deaf school because I am deaf...which is one of the other things that I struggle with I guess. I never really fit in. I don't know. I am just having a hard time in general and it doesn't seem to be getting any better... I do appreciate your responses though. They really do help. You and everyone else who has responded. I really need help right now. I just hope my doc can help me tomorrow. I need to get rid of the racing thoughts in my head.
Posted 7/24/2011 3:44 PM (GMT 0)
Again, I don't want this to sound like I am just pitying myself... I'm afraid that I am beginning to sound like that.
Posted 7/24/2011 7:28 PM (GMT 0)
Don't worry about that. Nobody thinks you are pitying yourself. Everybody who comes here has some sort of issues going on. I do hope that you stop seeing yourself as fat. Because you are underweight. And that isn't healthy. I am (was) 5'8" too. One time I was under so much stress that my weight dropped under 100 lbs. I was not attractive at all. I got up to 128 and was still too skinny. I liked my weight at 136. I am over weight now but losing it. I just lost 20 pounds, but could stand to lose another 20. People dont see me as fat, but I know I am. I am just able to carry extra weight because of my height. But I want to see you gain another 10-20 pounds. Just take you calorie uptake up a little. Do exercise so that it goes to all the right places. I walk a lot and that helps. Keep your muscles toned, and I bet you will look and feel great.

Best wishes to you.

Hugss, Karen
Posted 7/25/2011 2:05 AM (GMT 0)
Tris,

Just want you to know that you are not alone! I am almost 49 and this depression I have been trying to overcome (going on 6 months now) has had me on my knees praying for relief from my desires to end it all. I have worked through many difficult days and have two beautiful 7 1/2 year old twin girls, but it is so very hard when we are depressed. I too have body issues and am finally dealing with them. We are all beautiful beings no matter what our size is. Just know that once you get your meds right you are going to be feeling better about yourself and the world. I made the mistake of feeling so good and going off my meds. That is why it is taking so long to get stable. Anyway, we are here for you and you really aren't alone at all. This is a great site to find others who know what your are going through. I hope you continue to feel better.
Posted 7/25/2011 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
I hear you Linda. Big hugs hun xxxx
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