PLEASE HELP!!! i feel so completely alone. Dealing with a bipolar partner & feeling worthless...

Please help me, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half (6 months of which he was on a deployment in Afghanistan)
when I met him he was the sweetest man in the world and didnt make it hard to fall in love with him. He fell in love with me very quickly as well.

however, 6 months into the relationship after telling me he wanted to marry me, he completely pulled back and told me he "just wasn't in the relationship anymore" you can imagine my shock and pain. I pleaded and begged him to rethink his decision and he told me it was his choice and there was nothing I could do about it. A few days after that initial break up he called me and wanted to go out to dinner. I accepted. He then held me close and reminded me of that super loving person I fell in love with but at the end of the day he reminded me that we were still broken up... Right before his deployment he came by to say good bye and told me that he loved me but was sorry things didnt work out. A month into his deployment he started contacting me ( i was contacting him frequently only to get no response from him) and decided he missed and loved me too much to leave things the way they are. He said he was confused but never stopped loving me so we decided to start again. I supported him 150% throughout his deployment.. stayed up late emailing, answered every phone call, wrote, sent him tons of care packages etc...

When he came home he was 100% in love again and even moved in with me. Things were great for about a month and then he started to pull away again. He would confess his undying love for me one day and then tell me to go out and ignore him because he just wanted to be alone the next. It got so bad that I didnt know what to expect when I woke up in the morning... should I walk over and kiss him good morning or will he go off on me about wanting to be left alone? He has become verbally abusive and disrespectful and OVERREACTS about THE SMALLEST OF THINGS!!!! ( an example of this: he got up to use the bathroom one night and saw that the cat had gone in her litter box and i didnt remove what she left... so he came to the room yelling at me to get up ... i was falling asleep and go clean it... he went on to call me dirt, disgusting and used to living in filth...so NOT TRUE!!! My place is ALWAYS clean!) He would even start to tell me that I didnt know how to be a real woman and began telling me to shut up while we were having a conversation on the phone and he was out with certain friends.
when we were out with his friends together he adored me... but then something would trigger off at home and he would find the smallest thing to argue with me about and then threaten to break up with me.

Before breaking up with me this last time, he became very withdrawn from me (although days in between this withdrawal he would talk about us getting married and the life we were going to have) he started focusing all his time and money into fixing his car up... rims and accessories, a paint job, etc... its almost like he became obsessed... ( he has done this in the past with other things too... guns and accessories... its like he becomes obsessed with things) we got into an argument over something petty that morning and he told me he was leaving me again and would come home to pack his stuff and leave after work. I begged him and pleaded with him not to but he said he had made up his mind and that he was no longer in the relationship anymore... those same words he said the first time.

I called him when he was on his way home and asked him if he still wanted to move out and he said yes so i packed everything for him. He told me was going to make several trips on different days to take his stuff but I couldn't deal with the torture so i told him to take everything in one trip... he did but looked at me like he hated me for it.

i tried calling the day after and was ignored.

I text him after that and told him i would still like to save the friendship and i didnt like being ignored and he responded with . i wont ignore you, if you call and I dont answer, i will call you back and told me that the friendship thing was fine with him. however, I attempted to contact him after only to continue getting ignored.

He finally decided to call me because a friend suggested we talk and his explanation to me was that he loves me but doesnt want the relationship anymore. He is tired of having to remind me to do little things around the house and is tired of me not seeing things his way.

I want him to want to come back home but I dont know what to do anymore. I just keep geting shut out. but I dont understand the random phone call with no message or response to my call back and I cant seem to understand why he would want this when I have been able to give him what other women in his past havent... stability, love, respect and he knew he could trust me.. I never cheated. I was the only girl to ever stick through his deployments and his family, coworkers and friends adored me.

What do I do now???

Please give me some opinions because I feel completely lost....

Post Edited (lexxy821) : 7/24/2011 12:24:50 PM (GMT-6)

Hello, Lexxy821, and welcome to the forum. How do you know that
he is bipolar? Were you given that information by a doctor or did he
tell you that? It's possible that you may be dealing with a man who
has some post traumatic stress syndrome left from the war in Afghanastan, or it may be, as you suggest, bipolar illness.

Frankly, as painful as it may be for you, it's probably in your best interests (and his) to pull back from an effort to re-establish a friendship or romantic attachment at this time. He has some issues that he needs to work out with a professional person, specifically, a psychiatrist, and it could make him quite angry if you tell him that you think he needs to see one to resolve the issues that plague him.

He needs to be on medication to calm his emotions, and only a psychiatrist will know what to prescribe after talking to him.

You need to know that you are a victim of his illness and that you need to recover, as well, from the trauma of being close to him while he is in an episode. I'd see a specialist if I were you and take a prescribed med to recover from the stress.

I know that it's painful and that you miss him; but without a relationship that is considerate, respectful, and loving, you are on the losing end of a situation that will never provide stability until he gets medical attention and learns what he must do to have remission from episodes of anger, confusion, and obsessions.

Give him time to realize that he must see a doctor. If he genuinely loves you, he will make the effort to improve his health and learn to show respect. If he doesn't call you and let you know that he is seeking help, you're better off to consider it a relationship that was a learning experience in your life and that you need to forgive him and move on to a healthy friendship elsewhere. There should be no blame and no judgments. It's an unfortunate affair that needs to end unless he sees the light--you understand him well, but need to protect yourself now from further injury.

Take care of yourself first.

Good wishes,

It's Genetic

I understand, Lexxy821.

It's the illness that causes him to behave in the way you describe, and you do so quite clearly. Try hard to distance yourself from him during
this episode; if he comes back, insist then that he get help because it's causing you to develop a traumatic stress syndrome.

You deserve to be happy and content in any relationship. Demand that
for yourself.

Again, take care of you now first.

It's Genetic

Thank you so much everyone for your support. I now believe that I should definitely distance myself from him. He blames me for absolutely everything, he says I cause his "moments" and that if I just "learned how to do things right" he would have to remind me all the time and I wouldn't piss him off. So like I said, Im just never good enough for him. I've never had this problem with anyone else. He says he doesnt overreact, i just dont take things as seriously as I should. There's no way Im going to believe that. He frustrates himself too easily and then attacks me about everything. I cant live a life with him knowing that nothing I do will ever be enough or "done right".

Im definitely going to seek out some therapy to recover from this. I want to feel like me again. I feel like he has robbed me of myself and my self esteem completely...
hopefully one day I will be able to get comfortable with myself again.

Is this common in men who have bipolar disorder? Do they leave their partners feeling this way ever?

They leave everyone around them feeling the way you do, Lexxy, when they are in an episode. It's so unnecessary for people to behave that way when just a teaspoon of medication and a few diet changes can make them content and even happy with their life.

It's Genetic

Run, run as fast as you can. I wish I could be more positive, but I can't. I am married to a man with bipolar disorder, and I have a child with the same disorder. I can only tell you that your boyfriend's behavior will go on like that for 26 years. It is a nightmare, and you will lose yourself to his illness. It is unfortunate that he has this disorder, but do yourself a favor and stay away.