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My turn around, 14 months later.

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 10/30/2011 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
 

    Well its been over 14 months since i moved out of the house and got my divorce in gear. Funny it seems both a long time ago and just yeaterday. Weird huh. LOL LOL LOL Here ae a few things that i have found. I hope this helps you.

    A bad relationship makes this disease worse, ok, WAY WORSE. LOl lol My belief is that a relationship is the most important things in this world, and if you have a good one, then life is easier, if yours is bad (or getting worse) then life becomes even more unbearable. In the last 14 months of dating and also dealing with my ex, i have found that honestly, i may not be ever able to have another real relationship. Thats not feeling sorry for myself, its just looking at the facts. And since i have been out of the stress of a real relationship, i have seen a lessening and lessening of symptons as time has gone by.

    Now i still have urges. Stealing, sex, spending. All those things are still in my mind. Except now that i have the ability to resist the urge.  That is huge for me, because before i had absolutly no control over the compultions. If i needed sex, i went and found it, it was an absolute driving force that drove all other thoughts out of my mind. Now, not so much. Thoughts still bounce thru my mind, but i can mostly dismiss them with a little work

    My ex deals with her own issues in this life (dont we all) But i feel the difference i see between the two of us is how we view medications in our deseases. She wants a pill that completely takes away all problems with what she feels, she doesnt want to have to work on anything. She wants the medication to take it all away. My view is that i simply wanted the medicaitons to take away the worst of the symptons. So that i could have control again in my life. I accept that i will have to work harder in my life to make things good, but that there are certain good things about this desease.  So she takes multipal meds that have different side effects, where i have gotten farther and farther away from meds as my symptons have subsided.

    Pets. Dogs in particular. I feel that dogs are a true gift from god for those of us with these problems. Dogs just accept, they dont judge, they are a real form of stability in an unstable world. A person said to me that a dog doesnt challange me. Well that is true, but maybe i need something in my life that isnt a huge amount of emotional work. Just lots of love and laughter.

   Finally forgivness. I try and practice forgivness in all facets of my life. I have forgiven myself my mistakes, and i have tried hard to forgive those who have hurt me. Now forgivness doesnt mean forgetting. If you burned me once, then i will protect myself to keep you from burning me again. But that doesnt mean that i will hold onto that hurt day after day, year after year. Its just not healthy.

     Just some random thoughts on a beautiful fall day.

     I hope all you are doing well today.

    Bill

 

Posted 10/30/2011 10:40 PM (GMT 0)
You are a gift! Always pleased to hear good news and inspiration from you.
Posted 10/31/2011 12:12 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, you are a real help to those who come to the forum and have no idea what bipolar illness really is or how good people try to counteract the effects of thoughts that rise from nowhere and have to be dissipated.

Very glad to see you posting again, Bill.

Keep up the strong effort to remain devoted to living well.

Take care.

I.G.
Posted 10/31/2011 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
I have been divorced for 3 years now. Not that they have been great stable years, in fact just the opposite. But I don't have to fight all the other battles that were in my marriage. ( a spouse who didn't believe in a diagnosis of Bipolar for starters) I just have my battles, not his too.

I have been dipping my toe into the dating pool. UGH I know what you are saying about never being in another real relationship again. But I guess that I am fighting that. There are lots of parts of being in a relationship that I miss. Sex is at the top of the list, but I miss taking care of someone, cooking for them, snuggling on the couch, just doing everyday life with someone. Guess that leads me to........ getting a dog. I have been thinking hard about getting one. I am going to start going to the pound on a regular basis looking for a match.

Still working on forgiveness..........
Posted 10/31/2011 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
Camano - I found my way on a dating website. --- actually I was hypomanic or manic, believing God waas speaking to me and telling me to date 50 men. The long version story is hysterical, any how ---- He wrote that he was looking for a woman who could dress up for a dance on Saturday night and do yard work in sweats on Sunday morning. Sounded like someone who could deal with my "variety", lol.

I liked being single, unattached, uninhibited in my hypomanic whims, but I've also found I much safer and more stable in a healthy relationship.

How to find one? I have no idea. I got lucky.

I think you can show honesty about your bipolarness without saying anything, by sharing what you are interested in. I was into so many odd hobbies and always coming up with something unexpected. I was clearly not normal, but oh, so fascinating. :)
Posted 10/31/2011 4:48 AM (GMT 0)
thx for sharing that happy bill. really good stuff. jamie
Posted 11/1/2011 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
tortoise 11: thanks for your comments! I don't know your age group, but I am in the 50 ish group. I think all those guy's have harleys, and like doing EVERY thing outside, hiking, biking, snorkeling etc.

Just want an average guy. Maybe like you I will get lucky. (pun intended lol)

What is PCOS?

I am also Bipolar 1, Borderline Personality disorder and panic disorder. How fun.

Keep belly dancing!
Posted 11/5/2011 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
CamanoGirl
   Dont give up. It takes time. Thats the same mental fight i have with myself also. I want a relationship, i miss all the "good" things about a relationship. And yes, there are great things. And finding that connection is so hard to do. Lord knows i have dated a lot. It is just such a crapshoot.

    Dogs are my saving grace. My big puppy comes and finds me, curls up next to me on the couch, and falls asleep on my lap. (BTW thats 115lbs of cuddly puppy) LOL LOL LOL I think they are a true gift, they provide for us what most of society cant. THey are love pure and simple. They are there for you day in and day out, they are said to be the only animial that will love you more they love themselves.

   Thanks everyone else.

  Bill  

Posted 11/5/2011 11:41 PM (GMT 0)
Camano - I'm 27. A lot of my past un-well-ness was chalked up to youthful exuberance. :/

My guy is very much an outdoorsman. He loves deer hunting, fishing. We take vacations to Canada - as remote as you can get and still sleep in a permanent shelter at night.

I love that he has his own interests - gives him a break from me. I have some interest in them too, but I don't want to participate that much. Common interest, but he still gets his man-space.
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