Introduction

I can really sympathize with you. I am in a similar situation except that I am the husband and my wife is BP. You can read my latest post below and my Feeling low posts from July. I really believed I could make it work. Believed to the point of my own detriment. I don't know whether you can salvage yours, but I thought, hoped and prayed I could salvage mine and tried for years. I can't. Our spouses have a sickness, one where denial and refusal to seek help are common. This is the worst part because if they don't want help, no matter how hard, or understanding or kind you are, it doesn't help. I've tried.

Our only hope is that they seek treatment on their own. Mine won't, so our relationship is over. I was upset a little last night. Now I just don't feel much anymore. She has come by to try to leave the pets and I have refused. She is cleaning the house to leave it nice for me, and I just want her gone. I have (to my own detriment) given her a chance to reconcile, but she won't. I was supposed to go to a family dinner tonight to celebrate her sister's birthday. She wants me to go?!?!? I told her there is no point if we are not going to be together. Later she then said, that her brother made a reservation for me. I said, if you don't want to be with me, then there is no point. I hear her wanting me to let her ease her way back in, like I have in the past (which sounds similar to your situation), but wants no conditions to be placed. I feel bad, but she is only looking out for herself and my having been understanding and capitulating in the past hasn't helped. The only thing left (for me, at least) is to get her out of my life and try to rebuild mine. As It's Genetics said to me today, she is a trouble and damaged soul, who I can do nothing more for. I have to take care of myself. All this time I was able to detach myself and keep it at hands length, but now my work, finances and health are being affected. I have to decide which is more important to me. Me or her. I have made my choice. I just hope I can stick with it. I know that with counseling (which I have been attending) I can get past this. I am even changing from a health provider I like to one which my counselor accepts so that I can get more frequent treatment.

You have to decide how much you can tolerate and set a boundary for yourself of what is just too much, and stick with it. When she crossed that unwritten line the first time, I told her in no uncertain terms it was unacceptable and that if she crossed it again, we were through. She crossed that line yesterday. If I don't maintain my position, then I have not only lost myself, she will then never fall low enough to realize she needs help.

I wish you luck and hope.

Yeah, stupid and generous (((hug)))