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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 11/21/2011 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hello All,

I am new to HW. I am also a newly wed to a BP man.  When we started dating I knew that his son (he is 13) was BP and the way that he worked with his son, the patience he had with him attracted me to him.  I met his mother and she seemed nice and very supportive.  BOY HAVE I BEEN TRICKED!!!  His mom is not nice, or supportive.  What i have learned since getting married is that my mother in law also has BP.  In this house i am the only stable person.  I have tried several things.  I have gotten my husband and step son seeing a great psychiatrist and a great therapist. My step son does not take his meds unless he is made to.  My husband does not take his meds at all and he drinks.  I am so tried of taking care of everyone and when I seem to get them somewhat on track here comes mom-in law and upsets everything!!!!! it takes her seconds to undo weeks of work.

I feel like I should end this 4 month marriage.  Here is the problem.  I am head over heels in love with my husband.  I remeber the man I feel in love with.  When he is on track he is the greatest man I have ever met.  He is sweet, considerate, compassionate.  He is a joy to be around.  I have not seen that man in awhile.  I feel like I have to walk on eggshells all the time, I can't address issues.  When I address an issue he turns it around and bury's it under something else.  He makes it about me.  Everything becomes my fault.  He says some very hurtful things and then apologizes.  He is aware of the hurtful things he says, he is aware of how he turns things around and make's everything my fault, he is aware of what his mom does.  We have had a few come to Jesus meetings and few things have changed, but too many things are building up inside me and I need some relief. 

Anyone that has suggestions on how I can better handle this please help.  I can't go to my family because they are quick to say leave him.   I understand why they say it.  I am the only one working. I totally support my family.  He is the one that likes to  go out, but I am stuck at home.  I constantly have to make sacrifices but yet he wants to go out bi-weekly.  It is very frustrating. 

Posted 11/22/2011 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
The only one who can come to a decision that's best for you is you.

I am in a similar situation. No kids, but in a relationship for 11 years and married for four. I don't feel like a husband, i feel like I am raising a teenager. Drinks, has no concept of the value of a dollar anymore and has no hesitation to act on her compulsions anymore. She hurt her back so she lives off of workers comp and spends all the money as soon as she gets it. She was always broke and I had to stop giving her money to "get her through" until her next paycheck.

Everyone told me to leave her and let it go. Her family doesn't even know she is sick. I finally had all I could take and asked her to leave. She is finally out with her pets and I am calm now. This has happened twice before, but I can tell this time is different for me. Whenever something stressful and painful is going on in my life, I tend to wake up at 3 am. It has gotten so predictable, that when ever I do, I have to take an inventory of what is screwing with me in my life. It is just that reliable an indication that something is really bothering me.

After she left, i was dreading this part because it interferes with my job. Since she left, I have slept through the night, without interruption. I think even my subconscious is telling me I did the right thing. Although I can't tell you what to do, since I don't know all your circumstances, I can tell you that handling one person with untreated BP is a nightmare. I can't imagine the hell you must be in with a household full of untreated BPs.

It's only been four months, and you have no children (correct?). Don't waste years of your life trying to get someone to do something they either don't want to do or are incapable of doing. I have learned this life lesson the hard way. I have gone prematurely gray trying to "take care" of my wife and have missed out on a lot of my life in doing so. Now I have to establish my ties with what friends I have left and make new ones. Start getting back into hobbies that I had to abandon and start actually living life again, instead of caring for my wife. Thank God I didn't give into her insistence that we have a child. I would be tied to her for a long time and not able to get away from the stress.

I think the thing that really bothered me the most were the lies. I am an honest person and it would annoy me to no end when she would take advantage of that, even to the point where when I started treating her like she treated me, she would get livid. When I point out how she has been treating me, she would say that I was not like her and I tell the truth and would get mad.

If you have a lot of stories like this and first and foremost, if you guys don't share values anymore (financial discipline, work ethic, etc), I think you know what to do.
Posted 11/22/2011 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
IF you can back out, do.
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