The rages are unbearable....please help

Ever since I was diagnosed with BPD and BiPolar and anxiety I had tried several meds including Lamactal. I am now just on pristiq and xanax but I can't seem to be able to control the rages that I fly into. They come out of the blue and it's usually over something stupid but I make it about to the life or death. My latest episode I had been so frustrated with my 15 yr old son because his grades have been very poor over the last few years. I was about to just say forget about it when he said he wanted to go live with his father. Don't get me wrong, he is a good dad, but I can't stand him (I mean let's face it he is my ex for a reason), but I ended up kicking my 15yr old and my 19 yr old out of the house. I don't even remember why I was upset with my 19yr old daughter because she was just trying to help. I lash out at my loved one and sometimes friends and I don't mean half the stuff I say. Now my mom won't even talk to me because I told her I wish she never had me. I already cut my dad out of my life because I feel like he abandoned me for a new family. I think in time they will forgive me, but how do I forgive myself and how do I keep these rages in check. I can't seem to find a pill combo that works. I did also try abilify and it made my tongue swell up really bad. I don't know how much longer I can take dealing with this disease. I am lucky that I am on full disability but laying around all day just makes the bad thoughts stir and get worse, yet my other meds are making me fatigued so I don't want to move.
Help!!!!!

I fly into anger with anxiety. Perhaps your anxiety needs work - maybe a change in meds, but definitely some journaling and therapy.

Are you able to do something? I work VERY part time. I take a dance class. It's good because it is drop-in. It doesn't matter if I miss a week or two. I take piano lessons - also low stress, I can skip a week whenever I need to. Getting out helps. It will slowly improve your anxiety. It will add good things to your life which slowly take up the space of the negative.

If you can't think of anything, take an hour and visit a nursing home. Try to make 3 10-minute visits. I guarantee you will be entertained by the residents' stories and you will have a sense of thankfulness for the good moments that you do have.

It will be quiet here with the holidays, but keep posting. :)

Hi Lynn71,

Well done for your insight - something so very rare amongst us bipolar. I think if you get out of the house once a day and meet one goal each day, that will help you through. My pdoc says that bipolar merely amplifies the issues we already have. It makes sense that our mental health would fall through on the weakest links of our psychological health. Personally I find just 100mg Tegretol works brilliantly for anger for me, but we are all different. There are anger management classes available, so I can't see why you can't do that. Try to find a community group, exercise class and don't overdo it. Go for walks, volunteer. Not working is not a reason not to do things; it is an opportunity to do heaps more. Try to buy good food and cook good meals, avoid daytime tv, avoid drugs/alcohol, balance your sleeping, look after your health. Potter, look after your plants, chip away at your housework. This is overwhelming so pick out what is easiest and best for you. It will make a big difference.

Hugs,

LW

Well my other problem is that I suffer from chronic back, neck, hip and shoulder pain due to a couple of car accidents in the last 10 years. I have had a cervical fusion to replace a ruptured disc in my neck which I am still having nerve and muscular problems with. I have 2 or 3 bulging disc across my lower back and now some sort of severe nerve or muscular pain in my right hip which is limiting me from doing just about everything from sitting, standing for too long and even walking. So excersice is out of the question and if I can't sit for very long it makes it hard to go to a support group and sit for an hour. I also had surgery on my right shoulder to fix a torn labrum so I am still have pain there. So with all that and the BPD, depression and anxiety I am a mess!!!!! I feel beaten down and don't know if I have the strength to fight anymore. I know some of you are thinking, "aw poor pityful tracy...boo hoo" and believe me I have said it to myself too, but I just haven't found my will, faith whatever you call it. I am doing what I can just to get out of bed everyday and take care of the basic things and take care of my kid. I am miserable and wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

oh, also Lynn, just in case you didn't see my response on the other thread https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&p=3&m=2201452 I posted the link here.

My dx's are almost identical to yours... I'm on loads more meds than you thou (but not over medicated). How is your Lamictal and Buspar helping? Do you have kidney or liver issues that impact on you reaching therapeutic dose levels? That is why I take 6 different meds coz my system can't handle therapeutic doses in any one of them. It's complicated stuff this managing our health gig!

Jade

Hi, Lynn, you post so intelligently.

Do you believe that the rage is caused by your guilt? I've ALWAYS
found that rage in me is caused by someone's trying to break my
integrity. That infuriates me.

Is there anyone in your life who does that to you? If you live by
your deep inner principles, there's no way, in my view, that rage
can be justified unless someone is trying to put you down or question the validity of your life and standards. That's enough to cause rage.

Talk about that with us or with your psychiatrist so that you can get it out, Lynn. You should not, in my view, permit it to be suffocated within you where it just simmers and simmers until an explosion occurs. You need to get it OUT.

Hope you can do that, and have A Merry Christmas because of it.

Best wishes,

I.G.

Okay, Lynn, you've located the spots that cause the rage, and I think they're very logical ones that would cause rage. Get this out with your psychiatrist now and he will guide you on how to change your life so that you can restore your integrity which has been crushed by the behavior of your family and come back to live in a healthy and hate-free environment.

You need to get into a situation where healthy people surround you. Stay away from the haters.

(In actuality, one hates because his/her drive for love has been so frustrated. ) If you learn to like and respect yourself, others will love you and you, in turn, will learn to love the people who have stopped judging themselves and everyone else in the world. And, by the way, hate is not the opposite of love; as I just said, it's the frustration of the drive for love. The REAL opposite of hate is indifference, which is the withdrawal of emotion.  (And nothing violent ever endures.)

Assure your daughter that you love her and keep in touch. Your son will one day realize what you have been through. Honestly, he needs counselling to overcome his negative feelings.

There's one thing you've got to understand.  You NEVER, NEVER

take rage out on a child, and you NEVER get physically violent with another person.  Those are the real NO NOs in regard to rage.

You go into your bedroom and kick and scream if you wish until your meds kick in or unitl the rage issues have been resolved, but

you just don't live with people and show violence. 

Those things never leave people's memory and cause them to lash out at others unless they get help to overcome the assaults.  So it goes on and on until the most intelligent one sees that things are corrected and damaged emotions are healed through psychotherapy and medications during treatment.  You be the intelligent one and get the damage straightened out, and your life will turn around 100% for you.  Those are tough words, but they are the truth, and that's what you will ultimately learn to deal with in psychotherapy.

I think one of the goals of therapy is to raise the level of functioning to a strong intellectual level so that the emotions don't get in the way of your communication with the world.

Take care and keep us posted. 

 
It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 12/5/2011 4:58:47 PM (GMT-7)