I have been free from the symptoms of manic depression for one year now but i still have emotional pain that needs to heal. [I believe] that bipolar is a kidney disease, i have been able to properly treat it. for anyone interested in what i have done.. here is the link:
http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums/ introductions-personal-stories/3171440-my-recovery-the- treatment-that-changed-my-life
the problem is that i want to believe that there was a meaning behind the severe bipolar i went through. that i suffered for a reason. that all the pain made me a stronger person than most. i cant help but think that i deserve more than the average person because they haven't went through anything like i did. i'm feeling a lot better than before. i am getting smarter and smarter the more i play the free working memory computer game dual n back. still i had to fight for everything good in my life and i am still fighting so i can maintain higher levels of thinking. it seems like the only way i can be happy is by becoming more intelligent. the only time i was really worry free in my life was when i felt the amazing effects of this game. my mind thought as fast as when i was manic but without the craziness. i have reached higher mental states that lasted for days by playing this game. they went away when i slipped up and ate too much sugar or too many carbs. i am obsessed with this game andi think this obsession with my mind comes at the expense of my emotional life. i am still paranoid about what others think of me and staying in my head keeps me detached from others. i feel like a new person mentally and physically but not emotionally. deep down i am still an angry guy. i can't relate to others and i don't respect most people. i only respect the ones that have suffered(mainly the ones that have mental problems). the ones that have fought for what they have. can anybody relate to this at all???
Post Edited By Moderator (tortoise11) : 1/2/2012 9:30:20 PM (GMT-7)