Hello, Married to a Bipolar,
Have you been told that your wife is bipolar? Her reactions sound somewhat unusual to me since she's unwilling to talk about
her behavior after it happens. (Many bipolar patients, when properly medicated and out of an episode, will laugh at some of the ridiculous things they may have said or done when in a manic or severely depressed state.)
Investigate what medications she is taking and make sure her psychiatrist knows the symptoms you are experiencing. You need a specialist's assistance to understand what's happening in her psyche.
Needless to say, I'm very sorry you are having to go through this. It's important for you to maintain a loving environment in your home, both for yourself and for the emotional health of your children. They cannot avoid being affected by the lady's moods if she shows this at home.
One often wonders what a spouse would do if he just up and told a manic or depressed bipolar that she could have a divorce. It might be the shock that awakens her to the psychic damage she is doing to her family.
Frankly, she has never come to terms with the fact that, in bipolar illness or depression, the patient must be pro-active in his or her care to go into remission and remain in remission. Somehow, someone needs to reach her to help her understand that her emotional status is extremely unbalanced and detrimental to the people with whom she is in contact.
I would suggest that you get a little paperback called "Keep It Simple" which is the Hazeldon Foundation's dissertation on the 12- step program of alcohol remission. Ask her to read it and to see herself in it. (Not that she may be alcoholic, but that the work is designed to lead people into a spiritual life that transcends all the problems of living without spiritual guidance--that is, to get a functionally ineffective ego straightened out.)
Make sure she has the proper medication and see that she doesn't use either alcohol or caffeine in her diet. Both of those make the illness much worse. And it takes time to get the effects out of the system-- as much as a year for long-term caffeine addicts. And
caffeine is often used to medicate depression, but it's a mistake, because the after effects just drive the depression deeper.
If she is unable to recognize the dangers for her family, you may have to take steps to remove her from your home and permit the divorce in time. I know that it would virtually break your heart, but you have a right to a healthy life just as your children do.
Properly medicated, many bipolar patients are able to live productive, creative lives. Without medication or refusal to take it , and without concern for her diet and her inner well-being, she will continue to relapse. Have you any idea what is causing her to relapse so frequently that she must be hospitalized approximately every 1.7 years? Something is going on with her inability to have the brain chemistry stabilized. (Diet can play a huge role in the chemical imbalance.)
Psychiatrists know now that bipolar illness is an irritation of the brain, but they don't know yet what causes it. They'll get to it soon with research, but you need to be secure until then. Lay down some laws about what you will and won't have in your home for the children's sake and yours.
Take care of yourself first, now, so that you may be able to take care of the children and your home life. Continue to post as you
have questions that we might be able to assist in helping you to
tolerate your situation until things improve.
Good wishes,
It's Genetic
Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 1/4/2012 1:58:26 AM (GMT-7)