Posted 4/12/2012 7:29 PM (GMT 0)
This is going to be a rather long one I think, I used to be like this guy (MechanicalHouse) about 4 years ago https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=2325825 . At about 4 years ago I went from a mostly hypomania/mania mindset to constant anger and anxiety (mostly down). At about 2 years ago I started morphine for a motorcycle wreck I was in (let's not go into the symptoms of hypomania, I fit every one of them including thinking I was next to god) since then my bipolar symptoms seem to be limited to depression, fogginess, and random angry outbursts (but has gotten much better). Honestly, I've put it akin to when I took lamictal several years ago. However, not quite completely destroying my personality like lamictal did.
I know most of you would consider this to be a god send, I want to go back to my hypomania state and darn the consequences. I'm so sick of being depressed, irritable, anxious all the time and not able to think clearly. I have a natural high IQ, and my brain seems to be firing blanks.
My doctor won't let me switch from morphine right now (Oxycodone irritates my bipolar so much that I was hospitalized by my wife for hallucinations) except to other drugs that combat bipolar (such as Oxymorphone, Hydromorphone) and Hydrocodone isn't made in high enough doses (200mg/day).
I think a good example is the movie limitless, my life is like before he takes the magic drug and it used to be like after he takes the magic drug. I want to combat my morphine without going off it, I want to aggravate my bipolar so that it puts me in a hypomania state. You guys no how to stop it, someone has got to know how to aggravate it.