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IS there something really wrong with me? Happy bill is a bit confused.

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 5/21/2012 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
 

  Here is my question, and in this i am just wondering.

   Why is it i dont hate my ex? I experience emotions, i feel them, but i honestly have no hate for her. I wish her on ly well and want her to be happy.

   But people i talk to all say i am nuts, they are all hateful and angry about their ex's. My ex has been really hurtfull this weekend also, she seems to need to viliify me.  I just dont get it.  Of course she is mixing prescriptions and alchol so thats allways a stable mix. LOL LOL

   But i have to explain to people i date that i cant or wont allow myself to have hate in my heart. Yes she stabbed me, but i honestly dont feel hate for her. I dont get upset when she goes out on dates, i just want her to find the happiness she never could have with me.

   Sometimes i just feel so out of place, everyone is allways talking about being angry and upset about this thing or another. Im not sure if its the BP or the Buddism that allows me this peace. But wasnt it Jesus who said to meet anger with love, hate with forgivness?

   Maybe i just need to go to bed and reset.

  SOrry to ramble, i hope everyone had a great weekend.

  Bill  

Posted 5/21/2012 7:55 AM (GMT 0)
Could it be a little hypomania? Depression sees us bent out of shape if someone looks at us wrong. Mania and hypomania can have us be a little too generous with people and not protect ourselves enough. We can also sustain damage in hypomania and not realise it until our mood subsides. I live mostly in depression, so I might not be the best one to respond, even though I care about your thoughts and find your question interesting.
Posted 5/21/2012 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
WEll i live a hypomanic life style.

  Yay i got sleep. Feel much better. And guess what. No hate>!!!!

  I Saw my dad hold hate in his heart for years. He was allways so upset with family, car dealers, everyone. I said i would never be like him and i guess i made that happen. INstead of holding onto things that hurt me i let them go, i collect good memories and hold onto them.

  But then again, im crazy. lOL LOL LOL LOL  tongue tongue tongue tongue tongue    WHo says i have to follow the rules.

  BIll

Posted 5/21/2012 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
No, Bill, you're not crazy, and you're not filled with hate. I admire the ability that you are able to let anger go.

You do need, in my view, to take care of yourself and your home. The home is one of the largest investments one has, and you see the consequences of having to give it up following your separation. That's one frustration you have the ability to end.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 5/21/2012 8:07:26 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/21/2012 2:30 PM (GMT 0)
Forgiveness is rare in this world.  You are a lesson to many.  (((hugs))))
Posted 5/21/2012 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
 

  My home will be mine in five more months. Its hard to believe that this journey is almost at an end. Yay.  I have been working on the outside of the house bit by bit, but im not doing anything inside until she moves out. She is a rage-aholic and would destroy anything i worked on just to destroy things.

   Then she askes me to help her out. Im not sure how the transition will go in 5 months, but my money says ugly.  That said i have made all the plans i can to set myself up for success. I have made the sacrifices that needed to be made to allow me the freedom now of waiting this out.  As of now i am just staying away from her at all times. I will see thor when she is at work, and thats fine by me. I may only have another 4-5 months with the big puppy, if thats so then i will continue to fill them with happy memories and lots of pictures.

  You know i do feel anger and rage. But at the first sign of them i relax, temper my thoughts, and release as much of the stress that i feel. Then i just sort of flush it.  SOmetiems it takes a day or to to get all of it out of my system, but it really does leave and i feel better becaise of it.

   Bill

Posted 5/22/2012 2:47 PM (GMT 0)
Bill, you are a goalpost for me. You demonstrate compassion for all people whether foe or friend. This must be due to your Buddhist mind and meditation. Anger in the heart only burns ourselves. If you are able to sit with yourself and mellow down the raging fire to a cool flame...and not act on your emotions...what a gift you are to the world.


I think you have been able to detach and let go which are easy to say but very hard to do. Keep on with your spiritual practices and keep posting your Buddhist stories here. They are so very helpful to all of us no matter what our spiritual path be.
Posted 5/22/2012 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
While I am almost in tears with envy, I am so thankful for you and happy for you.

Bill, it truly is a gift that you are able to work through your initial feelings of anger and resentment. My only caution to you is to keep your boundaries. You need to protect yourself at all times. You do need to come first!

Hugs,
Mogs
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