So I cut my ten day trip short for my son's graduation because my addict husband fell down the steps and injured his neck and needed me. He has no lisence as to a DUI over marijuana. But he managed to drive to the dope dealer and buy weed the afternoon I left. This has been going on a year. He is also addicted to bath salts, ( legal meth) and alcohol. He has been going to NA but has had a few 'slips.' but I am done. He lied to me again. I am so psychic I knew to look in a particular drawer.. I don't know why I did it but I did and there lay the bag of mj. We have been paying thousands of dollars towards his DUI, hospital bills, medication. Funny how he was so helpless but managed to drive to the pain medication appt. to get his pain meds and the weed dealer.
He says I am trying! Well i don'tnsee it. Trying and wanting to get clean don't cut it...you gotta DO it. I am bone tired. I am so skinny. I can not live with active addiction because I might relapse on beer. I know my limitations and my sobriety comes,first. I have told him this for a solid year. I hate living with addicts, all the lies, the blaming everything that is wrong with them on everyone else, the unfaithfulness, self-centeredness. I am going to visit my mother to morrow, whether I drive across the country and leave my car or fly, I don't know yet. Husbands surgery is the 14 th of June and I need to be back here to help him recover. He has been a burden that I can not carry anymore. I am not his mother. I have tried to be there for him but his going out and buying weed and lying about
it is the last straw. I have had these lies going on for over a year.
I deserve peace and happiness. I so wanted the marriage to work. We went to counselling and she said if we did not get sober, not to come back to her, because it would be a waste of money. I am completely burned out. I do not trust him. I am ready to move into a new life.
He works me by defending himself, threatening suicide, lying, crying, it is all bs that I have continually bought into. I am going to start being nice to me. I am nice to almost everyone. Now it is my turn. I am done, finito, ready to stuff up the mini cooper and head across the country. Then I can come back and help him after surgery, get a tiny uhaul and be done with it.
I am tired of the drama,trauma, self-centered chaos. I know I'll be kicking myself in ten years if I don't get out now. And the money he has gone,through on bath salts. Two tubes a day at 40 bucks a clip and he has the nerve to,tell me how much to spend at the grocery store.
Post Edited (red lightening) : 5/30/2012 11:50:32 PM (GMT-6)