Posted 10/23/2013 6:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Annick
Sorry to hear you are still doing it tough. I've got some questions and I mean them in an enquiring way:
1. Why would you want to not treat bipolar?
2. What does the pdoc do for you in consults if you won't treat the illness? Psychotherapy?
You're a highly intelligent person so I know you know that bipolar is an organic physical illness in the brain.
Lifestyle factors like: balanced sleep, balanced nutrition, balanced exercise/rest, balanced work/play and no drugs/alcohol can help to NOT exacerbate the physical illness that exists within your brain cells.
As your pdoc would have explained to you, bipolar is a progressive illness - symptoms worsen over time. Medication actually greatly reduces the progression of the illness. The addition benefit is that medication helps manage the symptoms of the illness, so you can keep that even keel.
Many people are scared of medication thinking they don't want to take anything that targets the brain chemistry, even if it means treating the illness. Ironically, the same people don't have any fear of using alcohol or elicit drugs that actually speed up the progression of bipolar. As you can see, our perceptions aren't always aligned with the reality of situations - especially when our illness skews perception itself. How do we get out of the Catch 22?
From what you are saying your BP2 may have progressed into BP1. Medication is probably a little more urgent an issue now. There is no benefit to being "med free" with a major illness like bipolar.
I understand how you feel you have to hide your symptoms. You say you want to be yourself. Showing symptoms of a brain disease is merely showing symptoms of a brain disease. Bipolar is not you and you are not bipolar. Bipolar is an illness you have symptoms of. The only way I know that people who suffer from bipolar symptoms to claim back themselves from the grips of the symptoms is with therapy and medication.
I know it isn't what you want to hear (and I don't yet know why you value NOT treating the illness with all the most effective means available). It is a multipronged management and people who expect drugs to do it all for them are as disappointed as people that expect therapy to do it all for them, and the same for people who expect lifestyle factors to do it all for them. Together they are effective. Alone each are ineffective.
It's a opportunity to trial a drug you haven't tried before and see how it goes. If it doesn't work or you have side effects, stop and trial another drung. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
It would be a shame if you were to let this illness compromise your employment. You seem good at your job. Eventually you might want to move into a healthier work environment, but you can do that on your own terms stabilised, not forced into it due to treatable symptoms.
Happy to hear what your resistance is about... I know I haven't told you what you want to hear.
Hugs,
Me xo