At Crossroads with BiPolar Girlfriend

Hi I am new to this forum but have been reading the posts. My girlfriend has not told me she is BiPolar but I have found out from someone that she is. I'm sorry if I speak UN-sympathetically, I promise that is not my intention. I have spent the last 2 weeks reading forums and every website I can find about bipolar and their impact on relationships. My major problem is I love her to death, she is my dream girl and she treats me like nobody has ever treated me before but every few weeks she pushes me a way and I have caught her going out with another man. She swears nothing ever happens but it is heart wrenching for me but I love her so much and care about her more than she knows. I know she loves me, she goes out of her way to do very sweet things for me but I can't handle her going out with another man who clearly wants a relationship with her. She has repeatedly told me that things with man have been over only for me to find out she went out with him and she lies right to my face when I find out. She constantly tells me she loves me, she wants to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me, she also tells me often how she wants to have children with me. We have been together for less than a year. I know nobody can tell me what to do but any advice would be much appreciated. I also have this overwhelming feeling of guilt, while I don't understand what someone with bipolar feels or they way they think, I do know it is a struggle for them, I feel so helpless at times and I don't want to abandon her. I know she loves me, no question about that but she is not very honest with me. I can imagine she doesn't want to tell me herself because she would be afraid to scare me away. I've read the statistics, I've read how spouses struggle when one has bipolar. I would just like to hear more success stories and people that have lived like this and can claim their relationship/ marriage is successful. I don't know how to bring it up to her either. I want to be there and help all I can but she has to meet me part of the way. She has told me she was tested for it but doesn't have it....I think she was testing the waters with me. Apologies, I don't want to jump to conclusions but I just want a Step 1 for me to do. Thanks in advance for any advice! I want this to work so bad and I know she does, its just her intentions don't always match her actions. She also turns to alcohol quite frequently and she is a completely different person. She likes to be the center of attention when she drinks and have all the guys notice her. At first I told myself, "well she is a flirty girl" if I love her and am willing to accept it, then that's up to me and I've accepted it. I use to get concerned she could not control drinking but there have been several occasions where she just has one or two drinks and this did make me feel better. Please, any advice...thank you.

Thank you, the one problem I face is she goes into a shell and gets very quiet and distant when I bring up the topic. She wants to move past it and for me to just take her word for it but it has happened several times.

I also don't think talking to the guy involved is a viable option.

Thanks for the well wishes, I do know that loved ones on these boards are always searching for answers. I can't imagine having bipolar but being a loved one is a lonely place as well. All you want to do is help, and I do want to help. I pray and research, perhaps I have too much information at this point with no clear starting point. Loneliness and helplessness is not where I thought I would be but if there is just a small percentage of having a happy life with her, I'll put in whatever effort in as necessary. I've been in relationships in the past, I've never felt this connected to someone and I'm in my later 30s. I know she loves me, there are plenty of her actions to prove it but it is just some of her other actions contradict what she constantly tells me. She knows she pushes me away at times and constantly says she needs to show me more love, she shows it though. From what I read on bipolar, I feel like cycles last for months. Is it possible for them to last only hours or days?

concernedbf2014,

Cycles can last years, months, days, hours. It all depends on the person. One thing I notice about me is that I am really moody all the time and am prone to mood swings. I also get annoyed easily. I have a friend who says her manic-depressive cycle is around 2 days. There's a condition called rapid-cycling bipolar. From WebMD: "In rapid cycling, a person with bipolar disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depression in one year." My cycles last 3-4 months.

From my experience as well, there is usually a trigger to my depression that drops me down WAY low and then I slowly lift out of it. Other times it just sinks in slowly. My hypomania is less noticeable, but I get VERY moody. But again, it's different for everyone.

Know that she's trying. Mood disorders can be hard to understand if you're mentally stable. You can't tell someone what depression is like and then they understand. Just take what she does in stride, I know you can work it out.

If you're afraid you're going to lose her and don't know what to do at all, I recommend counseling for you.

I'd also get a second opinion before you do anything drastic. I know what it's like to lose a partner very close to you, it really hurts.

Good luck my friend!

I should mention that my girlfriend was diagnosed with PTSD and this she has openly told me about. I can find conclusive evidence that this has any link to bipolar. Also when talking about the subject of her going out with this other man she does not want to talk about it. She assures me it was nothing, she assures me it won't happen again but she has assured me of that in the past. She does see a therapist but I don't know what they discuss but do know she always feels better after going. Thanks in advance to any additional advice.

Thanks again Chythe, and no, I would not even consider an attempt of going to her therapist without her. I do wholeheartedly agree that trust is very important. I so badly want that back, she says all the right things to me but she won't discuss going out with this other man. It is heart breaking! She says it was nothing but to me its something. Every relationship needs trust, I'm just so confused because the way she talks to me about our future and having children, I don't understand why she has jeopardized that on a couple of occasions that I know about, I'm thinking there are incidents I'm not aware of too. People tell me to follow my heart, which I'm doing. I just so badly want it to work out, she said some things last night that re-assured me of how she feels towards me but trust will take time, I just don't know how long. I really do appreciate your advice and thanks for the wishes.

Chythe - you sound like a great person too and I wish you the very best, I really do!!! Thank you so much!!