New to forum

Hello everyone,

I have dealt with BP since childhood but diagnosed as Type 1 along with rapid cycling in 2001. Both of my parents were BP. The journey has been hard and at times overwhelming. Changes of meds and moods cost me my teaching job in 2007 after 26 years of service with the Dept of Defense. It brought my world to a halt and sometimes I think I don't really have it back. Medication changes have left me either extremely high or extremely low. The place where I can function is somewhere in the middle (can't we all) but that causes no feelings at all. Over the last year I have found that medicated middle ground where emotions are centered and sometimes no existent is an ok place to be. I have been hospitalized twice (once involuntary and once by choice). I have had the same psychiatrist from the start because it is too painful to retell the story to other doctors. He has been amazing but I do sometimes feel like a guinea pig. With all the new meds out there sometimes this is the route that must be taken. Since February there have been a lot of changes in my emotional health that have lead to some difficulties. I have an amazing and supportive husband who has read up on this disorder and been there for me. However, BP disorder is at times a lonely disease because those around you whether medical or personal don't understand the depths of the pain and despair of BP. They want to but unless you have this disorder it is too hard for them to comprehend. I am slowly learning that my progression in this journey through (not around) my BP is best handled when I take care of myself emotionally and physically first and then take care of those around me. I am also learning to accept my retirement as a time of rest instead of a time of loss. I going to make it through this. Just some days are better.