Exhausted and have no Answers

Hi Everyone from Australia,

I have been with my Bi-Polar female spouse since 2011 and we have been living together now for just on 2 years.

We have a blended family with four children here full time and two others that stay on school holidays. We have no shared children.
Children range from 6 to 16.

Both of us have been married before and the reasons for our marriage failures will be mentioned further later in this post.

Like every other post I have read, when we first met, I fell very quickly for this woman. Beautiful, great body and smile. She had me at "Hello".

She advised at that first meeting that she was an alcoholic and was on medication to assist in resisting the urge to drink. Further she advised that she suffered from Depression and had been medicated for some time to assist with this. She stated that she needed to stay off the alcohol for the anti depressants to work.

To be honest, I was so captivated that she could have told me a lot worse and I still would have stayed. I am not stupid, not ugly nor naive but this woman was the best thing since sliced bread.

about 7 months later, after courting, we moved in together.

She continued seeing her psych and things were stable.

For whatever reason, I noticed two triggers that would throw her into a depressive spiral, her sister and her ex-husband. Both I believed were understandable. I also noticed some aspects that were so far outside of the "Norm" that they caused concern for me. One suggestion was to sail a boat around the world. Not at a time in the future but next week!!!!

I attended an appointment with her Psych and I stated that I believed that there was something more than just depression. He verbally abused me and nothing was done. I shut up as was ridiculed.

All her anti depressants was doing was raising the baseline to a point where the highs became dangerous.

A short time after this she started doing Body sculpting and taking legal supplements to reduce weight and increase body tone. I asked her to check these supplements with the Psych and whilst she claimed she had, it turned out that not only did she not check but she was taking twice the usual dose to increase the growth.

Then she had an episode where she took herself off the alcohol prohibitor and drunk three bottles of white wine in two hours and when I returned home from dropping her boys to their dad I was greeted with bottles and plated being thrown because she had received a message from her sister.

I called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital for an assessment and blew 0.275% on a breathalyser. Legal driving limit in Australia is 0.05%. She ended up staying in the Public Hospital for 8 weeks and was heavily medicated. A number of psychotic incidents occurred in hospital.

Whilst in hospital I discovered that she had a fling with another female whilst I was looking after the children. Planned and organized in advance.

One of the nurses stated that the Private health system would be best for her so I took out private insurance in case there was a next time.

Towards the end of the Public Hospital stay I was contacted by Customs regarding the import of a Steroid via the mail. A fine of $70k was applied as the quantity indicated selling rather than use. It turned out it was PrimoBolan and she had been using it at the rate of 2ml per week instead of .2ml per week. She was using the same dose that Schwarzenegger admits to using when competing. Voice got deeper, hairs on chin developed and Acne.

What I was seeing was a combination of Roid Rage and Mental Health Episode.

Anyway the Resident Doctors agreed that there was something more than just Depression and started her on a mood stabiliser. Whilst this was starting to work, the abuse and guilt trips were relentless.

Many weeks later she was released and there was some degree of stability.

One episode occurred after some time, again triggered by contact with her sister and ex-husband where she disappeared and was finally talked back home by police after going to a well known cliff suicide spot. No hospitalization occurred.

Then a short time after she again had a night on the booze and drove the children to school and was pulled up by the police and blew 0.147. I was required to pick her up from the police station and I was very strong in my statements about responsibility. Definitely no violence but very strong.

Whilst she was drinking I was performing on stage with a band. I had no Idea she was drinking.

When I returned from picking the kids up from school, she had disappeared. I contacted the police, the found her through parralexxing her mobile phone about 250km away two days later. They took her to a public hospital and the held her over night.

She was released subject to her being admitted to a Private Hospital which occurred two days later.

She was diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD and Body Morphic Disorder and medicated accordingly. Further they started on courses to give her skills such as ACT, DBT, Mindfulness and a few others.

During this time, previous times and also subsequent times, I looked after all children without help. I was exhausted.

On discharge there was some degree of stability but the criticism of everything I say and do is relentless. Further there is one drama after another.

Whilst the individual issues are small, even minute, the hounding that goes with them turns them int a mountain.

Even when I agree, which is most times, the criticism and perusing continues. There is no rest. No time to recharge before the next one.

I feel that whilst i advised her I would be her rock very early in the piece, that she has dumped everything on my shoulders and takes no responsibility for anything at all, including her actions and behaviors. Further then criticizes any and all actions to resolve issues.

I have told her I am drained, am exhausted and I need to rebuild but all I get in return is comments like' "Now you want to make this about you!!!!!"

Family, friends and even the local pastor have said to walk or run away. I find it very hard to do as my ex wife dumped on me when I told her of Catholic Church Abuse when I was 12 so I know what its like.

I would guess that her same behaviors caused the breakdown of her marriage together with the alcohol issues.

I know I love her and have told her that but love is not the issue.

How do I get her to change her behaviors to allow for a future.

I can not keep playing this game. It is the Karpman Drama Triangle. I need her to come over to the other triangle showing Love, Honour and Cherish rather than Victim, Rescuer and Bully.

I am at my wits end and can only think to run away. What else can be done.