thinking i'm rapid cycling again….so frustrated!!

Hi All,

I don't post here much, my bipolar type 2 is usually pretty well under control. Lately, not so much. Just had 3 major surgeries the end of January, and 1 involves my guts and transit time, etc. so not sure meds are absorbed as they should be. Doc is doing lithium level, waiting for results. Also on Viibryd 40mg, and a few other meds, more as needed type stuff.

Thing is, i didn't realize til just now that I'm having hypomanic symptoms and am back to rapid cycling. Arguments w/ family to the point where I said I'm outta here, you guys are jerks (not in those terms, but that's the basic idea!) I hate rapid cycling. I feel so crazy. Don't know who I am or where i am or why i'm doing what i'm doing. Not good at catching things before they get bad. Always a surprise to me!! Told mom this morning i was pretty much wanting to end things and have been for a long time. She said she basically was too. ****!!!! What do i do when i need help and mom does too? She has been my caretaker (I have many health issues), and I never picked up that she was that unhappy. I know she's been sorta depressed, but nothing like this!

I got away from the toxic environment for the day, but feel so disappointed and hurt that it's back again. These surgeries were supposed to "free me" from mental and physical ailments, supposed to let me fly and start a new life, but instead i feel like i've been dragged back into the old one!!!

HELP ME PLEASE!!! I feel lost and stuck and hopeless….

I don't post here much, my bipolar type 2 is usually pretty well under control. Lately, not so much. Just had 3 major surgeries the end of January, and 1 involves my guts and transit time, etc. so not sure meds are absorbed as they should be. Doc is doing lithium level, waiting for results. Also on Viibryd 40mg, and a few other meds, more as needed type stuff.


Unlock the key of your success by ccna video and testking.By using our latest testking ielts exam and study material, you can easily pass fnu.edu Your Exams.

Post Edited (abeha) : 4/11/2015 4:22:26 AM (GMT-6)

Hi emma/abeha,

Welcome to the forum !

Sunny is right, you copied and paste her post. We don't usually do that here... Did you go through the same things/surgeries, etc.
Please feel free to start a new thread with your intro.

Thanks
UA

it does get better. mindfulness, therapy, coping skills, my psychiatrist, gp and my own determination are getting me on a manageable path. too me, and from a rapid cycler with a truck load of medical and 3 recent surgeries, being able to effectively manage my conditions is my reality. i hope to reach more higher ground, although i am a realist. my mindset is that basically i am at that high point because i am managing. i send many healing thoughts your way. hopefully your results are helpful. maybe you need to discuss other medication options.

Thanks Turtle.

things are ok sorta when i am home at my apt and not around people. problem comes when i need rides to appts and such. just seeing my family and/or talking to them makes my blood boil. and yes, they are the only ones who can give me rides at the moment. ended up telling mom yesterday in therapy that i wish i had never been born, and that my parents should have consulted a psychic or something prior to having children b/c they'd realize they should've adopted. i become the worst possible person around them. other people, i'm ok. guess i just need time away from them. see my psychiatrist again tomorrow. yesterday she added zyprexa, said it was her last choice but would likely work. finally slept last night and anxiety and anger went down some. wish i could take it 24/7, but for now just a tiny dose at night.

well, off to another appt. bunch of testing this time. thanks for letting me vent and responding to my posts. means the world to have people who care and understand.


Sunny.

saw psychiatrist today….increased one med…the zyprexa (the dreaded one b/c of weight gain).

wants me to go to intake tomorrow to get into the day hospital program (M-F, 9-3:30, like small group therapy stuff) I did actually make the appt for that for tomorrow afternoon.

feel horrible but trying to stay calm.

thanks for all the support.

The hospital program sounds nice. I hope you have a good session today.

UA

I hope they don't. But if they do, make the best of the treatment. Thinking of you...

UA

Thanks for the update Sunny. It sounds like this program is helping you. I am happy to read this.

UA

if those people are your friends etc, they will understand and be compassionate, otherwise they aren't your friends. don't fear, it is a medical condition that you are getting treatment for.

Thanks…and the words are so true. I wonder if _I_ am the one judging, not everyone else? If _I_ am the one not able to accept this whole thing.

I dealt w/ medical stuff my whole life, and as a child had docs tell me "it was all in my head" etc, lived a tortured life w/ bladder and bowel incontinence as well as inability to go to the bathroom…(crazy to have both problems at once when they are opposite things.) Shame and embarrassment have ruled my life. Every single day, all day. I am different. Even the docs now say that. "You are different than everyone else". I know they mean just medically my case is unique and complicated, but still, my head hears it differently.

I fear rejection. I want to be included/liked no matter what the situation. I feel good only with the approval with others. I often feel invisible, like the world will keep moving, and leave me behind, not knowing I am there. Without others, I do not exist.