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and here comes... Depression

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Posted 4/24/2006 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
suddenly i go downhill. Just don't know what caused it. I didn't take my depakote for two days, which probably didn't help (though it doesn't help with depression, by most studies). I thought maybe it was my concerta wearing off initially, but then I realized... I only took it two hours ago (when i first noticed it).

I see the Pdoc on friday- thank god- and an AODA guy on thursday.. yeah, I'm definitely looking forward to him :frown: if only taking my word was a good way to assess a potential drug user (i wonder if they needed a study to find that it wasnt?), they'd probably conclude what i have. eh well. only another 200 dollars. i just hope that after that they'll feel the same way family and friends do.

i tried praying (the other day when Concerta was working its best aka the two hours after taking it, prayer seemed so deep). i tried it at the same time of post-concerta that I did last time to see if it was me or the medicine allowing me to get so "deep" (best I can explain without too much explanation).

all i could do was think of possible reasons why God would save everyone else, but not me. none of them were good. what could be wrong with me?

i don't know what i'm gonna do between now and then. are there any (effective) herbal or otherwise prescription-less anti-depressants? I really don't want to call the psychiatrist again, specially since i'm seeing him so soon. hes not gonna be happy that i lost my mood-chart either. :( mebbe i'll make one up. nothing usual happened with mah mood until today.

Hammilton
Posted 4/24/2006 9:17 AM (GMT 0)
wish you luck with your mood, i'm very moody as well. i am at work now and i just want to jump and run away to my bed i can't wait for the break
Posted 4/24/2006 2:57 PM (GMT 0)
hammilton, I take depakote too and if I miss a dose or two I get pretty wonky feeling. Even though its doesn't have a big effect on the depression, I think that the upset to the system in general is enough to feel crappy. Try to give yourself a break and take a step back. Give yourself a day or two to get back to a regular routine and take some of the pressure off yourself. good luck with the appoints.


Take Care,

Putter 

Posted 4/25/2006 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe the feeling you felt was because of the missed dose messing with your system like putter said. I hope that you begin to feel better and that your doc can help you. As far as God and feeling like he saves everyone else and not you, I know exactly how you feel! My husband and I are going through the hardest time in our lives right now. Two close family members are on the verge of dying anytime, my family is in conflict and fighting with eachother, our finances are down the drain; friends aren't there for us anymore, etc. I often have asked that very question to God, "WHY ME?" It was through 3 different sermons on the same Sunday and two different churches that I received my answer. Each sermon was about why God puts through hell and trials. If you have ever read about Job in the bible, God tested him. God allowed the Devil to take everything away from Job to prove that no matter what, Job would stay faithful. In the end Job was a better person who became closer to God by sticking through the hard times. My answer about why we go through what we do is because we are like lumps of coal to God. In the end, he sees us as a very beautiful diamond. What does a piece of coal have to go through to become a diamond? Lots of molding, pounding, mutilating, etc. Coal has to go through hell, fire, and back before it can become a precious diamond. God puts us through hard times to make us a better person and to teach us to cling to him. Although I have been really upset through all of this mess going on with my family, I have decided to try my best to have a good attitude. When someone asks how I am doing, I will say well this and this is going on, and this isn't doing good, but I am happy because God is making me a better person and he is with me through all of this. The poem footprints also shares similar truths. When the man is looking back over the hard times and discovers his hardest time in his life and only sees one set of footprints, he asked God where are were you when I needed you the most? God's reply was that he was carrying him through the hard times because he was too weak to walk himself. Often God puts us through these things to get us to totally lean on and trust him! I pray that everything turns around for you and I hope this may have given you some insight!
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