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Posted 8/26/2006 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
i'm 32 and was diagnosed when i was 23.  i've had 9 hospitalisations for manic episodes.  between 23-30 i was on lithium with sodium valporate but i kicked it, ended up in hospital & they put me on seroquel.  i was doing well on that for a while and they added lustral, all was pretty cool for a while but i started feeling really physically ill so i came off the lustral.  i was starting to go a bit manic.  my legs started kicking like crazy so i came off the seroquel.  lasted about 6 months and ended up in hospital again. 

they put me on risperidone which brought me down a bit i guess but made me feel totally zombified.  they tried me on depakote & i couldn't sit still for a moment and couldn't sleep.  then my GP put me on olanzapine which i'm on now, with zopiclone and PRN diazepam for panic attacks.  i'm in an incredible depression, sleeping about 12 hours and not being able to be fully alert during the day until late at night, eg about 9pm afterwards.

it feels like the options are running out.  i did try seroquel again lately but my legs kicked at night atrociously & i couldn't sleep because of it.  they've offered me abilify but i'm reluctant to take that because of what people have said about the panic attacks.  they also said an option might be to take me off everything as i seem to be so sensitive to medication.

feel totally lethargic, not looking after the house properly, relationship with my gf suffering, not getting any work done, really pessimistic about the future, maybe getting about 2 decent hours per day before i'm due another dose.  by the way, just taking 2.5 olanzapine.  and being honest, considering kicking that and saying to hell with the shrinks again. 

apparently i've been on just about everything there is... i've been on drugs that i haven't mentioned here.  i don't know what to do.  everything makes me feel horrible & makes me feel like life isn't worth living and i suppose the only joy i do get is the hypomanic or manic episodes before i get locked up

 

Posted 8/26/2006 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sadboy.
I took abilify for a couple of months. I did end up agitated from it and had some panic attacks. My pdoc assured me this was not a typical reaction. I'd give it a shot. For the first two months I was on it it was like a miracle for me. I wish there had been some way to combat the side effect and stay on it.
I know of several people who have taken abilify and had no problems with it whatsoever. I am just extremely med sensitive. I sure wouldn't rule it out until I tried it. It has less side effects that seroquel and many of the others and no weight gain either.
Don't give up yet. You haven't tried everything.
Take Care
Ellie
Posted 8/27/2006 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sadboy,

Welcome to HW!

Ellie's so right on this. I have sensitivities to a lot of meds too, and I know the feeling of "I give up -- maybe I'll just stop trying them" -- but I'm glad I didn't, as eventually I did find the right meds for me.

I'm not bipolar myself (depression is my gig!), but my ex is, and I know that it takes a good while to work out the right meds and dosages for this condition -- because there's no one-pill-fits-all solution, and many people struggle for ages before the right ones are found. Remember though that meds can be taken in combination, and even if ablify causes anxiety, there are meds you could take with it to reduce or counteract this side-effect. Ultimately, if it helps with most of your symptoms and you have to find something else to help with the anxiety this is a *whole* lot better than having to fight bipolar on your own: bipolar is an illness that *needs* medicating. So please please try the ablify and work with your pdoc to find the right dosage and combination of meds to help you.

All best,
Rosie x
Posted 8/27/2006 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
sad,

been there.  done that.  they don't even give a tee-shirt.  my pdoc says that they don't know is depression caused bp of if bp caused depression.  in my case constant debilitating back pain probably caused all of it.  fact is, who cares?  kicking yourself with one foot makes it hard to make progress with the other foot.  i was told that i lucked out with my pdoc.  he is supposed to be the best pharmocoligist in my area.  even with that it tool several months to find the right mix of meds.  after a few years, i feel as though i need a reevaluation.  my body had changed.  my chemistry has changed.  so has yours. 

going to a pdoc voluntarily is better than going into the hospital.

think about it.  i'm with you all the way.

warren

Posted 8/28/2006 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
thanks, i'm seeing a pdoc quite regularly - see her again wednesday though she seems at a loss to be honest

horrible depression on a morning at the moment and terrible akasthisia
Posted 8/28/2006 10:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sadboy,

You should ask your pdoc directly if she *is* at a loss. If this is the case, ask who she would recommend you go and see who might have more ideas. You don't need to be insulting when you do this, and a pdoc should be professional enough to know where they reach the limits of their own ability to help and where you might be able to go for a fresh perspective. Alternatively, this may not be the case, but rather just what you feel: if so, it should help you to discuss this with your pdoc.

Good luck with your next appointment!

Rosie x
Posted 8/30/2006 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for all these replies; they're very much appreciated.

i went to see my doctor this morning, having phoned the clinic about the akasthisia, and she suggested just coming off everything for a while to see how i am, and so they can know what things are side effects and what things are manifestations of my illness, because i've had so many meds changes over the last couple of months.

i feel quite relieved to be honest, ; hopefully i can get my life back after all the sedation.  she said if i start to get high then she'll try Abilify or back on Seroquel with something to counteract the problem with restless legs.  But she said that i have had periods where i've been well on no meds and i may be again, because my mood is more stable than it was when i was in hospital.  i don't know if i'd agree with that.  well i'm not manic by a long shot but i'm very depressed.  it's not so much that i feel sorry for myself and my circumstances - though i do - it's just that all the old things that brought me comfort and distraction just don't any more.  just like a complete lack of enthusiasm for anything, like the spark of the person has gone out.  i can't seem to focus very well, i'm kind of botching things up a bit making bad decisions just living day to day and not really considering anything longer-term.

so at the moment i just got my diazepam and my zopiclone.  she said if i have problems sleeping then i have to phone up and she'll prescribe Temazepam (sp?)  can't see my mood really brightening up without antidepressants - though it might i suppose, there's going to be a seratonin and dopamine boost obviously which might do the trick - but obviously they wouldn't give me antidepressants without having me on a mood stabiliser or antipsychotic.  it's my own dumb fault for undermining a period of stability when i was on lustral, seroquel and diazepam, by just kicking it all.  but there's no point i suppose regretting, it doesn't change anything.

 

Posted 8/31/2006 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hm, that's a fair bit to come off -- make sure you do it real slow, ok -- don't want you suffering from pesky withdrawal symptoms as well!!! You sound like you're not at all sure about this step. Could you get a second opinion? I can see the logic, but I'm worried about that depression. Hope your doc keeps a good monitoring eye on you. Post often as you like and keep us updated!!

Rosie x
Posted 8/31/2006 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
thanks :) no i'm really not sure about this step at all to be honest and my next Pdoc appointment is for a month though i guess i could get a quicker one if i needed one. i won't be kicking zopiclone & diazepam any time soon, just the olanzapine which i did last night.

i could be alright really if i could just settle down at night and play videogames like i used to; used to give me the escapism i needed, got me through any amount of stress. but nothing seems fun any more and the motivation's not there
Posted 8/31/2006 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
What games did you play? Online or systems? My husband is the same way. Plays all the time. Loves EQ but also PS2, X360 all of them. Needless to say all my kids are game junkies. Even the 3 yr old has to sleep with her GBA in her hand.
Hope coming off the olanzapine helps. Maybe thats just what you need. Praying it will solve all this for you.
Take Care
Ellie
Posted 8/31/2006 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
Sadboy, a number of months ago, I was online and found a monthly mood chart for people with Bipolar Disorder. I have been keeping it up on a daily basis, recording mood swings, medications, irritability, anxiety, hours slept, and so forth. It is something I can just hand to my doctor when I go in for my appointment. He can look at it and see what has been going on since my last appointment. This has been a good tool for me, and it might be for you. If you wish, search “monthly mood chart,” and have a look. The Best to You,
Posted 8/31/2006 11:19 PM (GMT 0)

Hi there all,

Nitescribe, this is a *really* good thing to do -- great that you brought it up. I found an online chart via http://www.manicdepressive.org/moodchart.html, but as you say, a quick google will turn up lots of results.

Sadboy, I hope that you will consider using this -- can be *so* helpful -- for oyu and your prescribing doc -- much rounder picture than what you get from just talking at appointments.

I love it when we're all working together like this. -- Great stuff guys!!! :)

Rosie x

Posted 8/31/2006 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
thank you i'll look for it now
Posted 9/4/2006 6:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,

I am a new here, have bi-polar 2 with rapid cycling and mood swings. I have a friend that has bp1. She has done well on the med. you mentioned being hesitant to go on. I cannot remember if you said abilify or another that starts with an a. Sorry, my brain sometimes is foggy. yeah I take a combo of medication and seem to be doing ok. It's an ongoing thing for me, monitering my meds. doing research on new ones. Lamictal has been a Godsend to me. I cannot take some of the other meds because I a problem with my liver, .  But we're hoping to get the autoimmune disease under control and stop the attack on my liver.  I was treated for depression for many years until being dx with bp. I have more depression than anthing else, but have mixed moods with loss of concentration, anxiety, which I take an anti-anxiety med for. I also take a low dose of an anti-depressant, but if I start to get hypomanic I stop it. BUt it sees that I need the boost of the added antidepressant. Who knows? It's such a complicated disease.

INHO.. I/we worry much too much about our condtion and focus much too much on it.

Fear gets a hold of me when I am having a lot of symptoms and I let my imagination run away.

I was in a great support group for years. One of the things that stuck with me is this.

Thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to actions, and on and on. If  I can get support at the thought stage with a buddy or sponsor it helps me.  I also think that bp 2 is harder to manage, or at least from what I know about it and I have several friends with it.

Another cliche I kept with me was this.. move your muscles, it will teach your brain.

It does not help me on some days when I refuse to get out of the bed except to eat and potty, but other days when I can forget about my symptoms long enough to get a shower, dressed, and call someone or take a walk or just do something objective, it helps.

Thanks,

Judy

Oh.. a great link for all medical issues and a very good one for BP.. is remedyfind.com

Posted 9/4/2006 6:45 AM (GMT 0)

Correction.. I meant to say that bp 1 is harder to manage than bp2, or so it seems to me. More hospitalizations, having to take anti-psychotic drugs, and the big highs and lows.

 For anyone that does not know the difference, bp2 usually do not have to take anti-phychotic meds, and can manage on bipolar meds, specifically like depacoate, lamictal, lithium, ect. and bp2 usually has more depression, rapid cycles of dep and hypo mania ( agitated moods) anger, crying spells, rages, ect. in a matter of days and then back to depression, ect. esp when meds are beign altered. At least for me, this has been the case. I have had at least 2 manic episodes of mania and it was during med. adjustments. It was horrible, so I can relate to bp1. I am grateful that my illness has become managable (whatever that mean) I guess it means I am functioning ok right now, today, thank GOD. I am very, very careful about taking my meds as directed.

I'm glad to be here.  I have been looking for a good BP message board. tongue

Judy

Posted 9/4/2006 6:54 AM (GMT 0)
Sad,

I'm so sorry I did not comment directly to you. It sounds to me like you are very depressed. My firend that has bp1 started lamictal, on  a low dose for depression and it did very well for her along with another bp med. I believe they use it as an anti-depressant in a lower dose for bp1. I take 300mg for bp2. and seem to be stablized. I do believe that lamictal is given for bp 1 also.

Hang in there. My house it a mess too. I just avoid things it seems. I feel so lazy. I am 54, sick with other medical  conditions and find myself doing what makes me smile as often as possible. I do what I have to do around the house, have a wonderful man in my life that understands me, accepts me and supports me. That makes a huge difference. All my kids are out on their own and I am trying desperatly to detach from them to a degree and am working hard on trying not to try to control their lives, but find one of my own.

Bye for now, and you have my prayer and support.. God Grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  not sure if I quoted that right or not, but I'm hope you get the meaning.

Bye again,

Judy

Posted 9/4/2006 9:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Judy --

Welcome to HW!

You have some great words to live by -- and seem to be doing well with your proactive approach -- good for you!!! I'm pretty lazy on housework myself right now (glances around room ... looks sheepish!). I reckon we're just lazy in *some* things -- which is pretty normal, I'd say!

I'm so glad you have loving support around you. -- You're right, it makes a huge difference. And being so good with your meds. Sounds like you really understand the importance of them to managing your bp.

If you want to start your own post, just click on "New Topic" in the band under the Log in/off and Healingwell.com Forum>... banners. I hope you'll do this, and find the extra support you want here. -- It's a great group, and growing all the time.

Rosie x
Posted 9/5/2006 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
thank you so much.  i am back on olanzapine because i couldn't sleep at all.  i only regret i came off the lustral & quetiapine i was on last year otherwise i'd probably still be well now.
Posted 9/5/2006 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sadboy,

Didn't the lustral make you feel ill? Or was that a different med you were taking at the same time? Well, you know that coming off all this stuff will be a bit of a long schlep. -- At least you've started the process though. That said, are you still having dounts? Might it be worth getting a second opinion? You don't have to bin your current psychiatrist, just maybe get a consultation with another one and see if what they say makes any more sense to you, and if so then maybe consider your options on the pdoc front.

All best,
Rosie x
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