Feel like I'm losing it!

You will be getting some responses.
I do know what that is like. I get so hyper and anxious I can't settle down.. I was on risperadone for a while for cursing at my father for no other reason than irritability.
Right now I amd listening to music.

Music sooths the savage beast.

i just came on to write to tell you that i feel the same way. my world feels very small. i sometimes wonder if depression will ever end and the feeling of hopelessness is agonizing. i just wish that i felt good and emotional and physical pain would go away..

i hope you feel better.

Lazy,
(((hug))) (if you don't like hugs then theres a smile too)
Just wanted to say I'm sorry your going through a hard time. I wish I could invent a glue that kept everything together but that seems childish of me. If work gets to much maybe you could take a break from work....go to your favorite spot wherever it may be. Park, cafe, a room...mines my closet. I like the secure feeling of it, I end up reading a good book or just cry. I don't know if that would help....i'm not really great at giving advice. Life can be rough but it does get better. Keep positive and know a lot of people care.
~kimberly~
= ^ - ^ =

Thanks to you all for your kind and thoughtful responses.  I cried all night last night and my husband just held me and kept telling me I would be ok.  I planned to stay home from work today but when I got up I felt a little better so I went to work.  Looking back on my day, it was a pretty good day so I fared well.  If it had been a stressful day I would have fallen apart again, so I guess I was just lucky.  I like the idea of helping someone anonymously.  My job is helping others all the time but it certainly isn't anonymous and I get paid for it.  But it does give me satisfaction, even though it is a great burn out. (I am looking for another line of work). I am off this weekend and my daughter and daughter-in-law are taking me to a Toby Keith concert Saturday night.  That will be a great stress relievier I'm sure.  I just need to hang in until then.  I have given myself permissiion to not go to work any day this week that I wake up feeling like I can't handle it.  That is a big step for me since I am so hard on myself when I call in.  Again, thanks to all of you and by the way, I love hugs so give me plenty!!!   Luv....Lazy

This is great news Lazy -- all of it. Knew that hubby would get the support going once he twigged things were really bad. -- I think you probably needed that crying and to be held and reassured. I'm absolutely amazed that you were up to going to work -- but glad you did since it was a good day and that must have helped a bit. I'm also *very* glad that you've given yourself permission to be off if you're not up to it. I'm bad at taking days off myself, and always have to really remind myself that the world will keep spinning on its axis if I do! Sounds like your job must be very rewarding -- but also that it has the potential to take an awful lot out of you at times.

Great that you called your pdoc and that you've got those samples too. -- Yes, I always feel better when I get my meds and know that they'll start me back to better. What with this and your weekend extravaganza, you've got some goods going for you to counteract some of those bads. Here's to the triumph of those goods!!

Rosie x

Hi Kimberly.  Glad you are feeling better.  I'm feeling a little better but I'm so low on the self esteem side right now.  I know things happen to me because of my illness, not because of who I am as a person and I keep trying to reinforce that in my mind.  As for my line of work, I am a nurse with hospice.  I deal with dying people and their families every day.  It can be very rewarding to help someone through such a difficult time but I feel too needy myself right now to continue in this line of work.  Fortunately there are a lot of options in nursing, so I have some choices. I have applied for a job as a marketing manager for a home care company.  It involves some clinical knowledge but other than that is very far away from what I am doing now.  My daughter-in-law is in school to be a cardiovascular tech which she absolutely loves.  It involves skill,technology and knowledge as does nursing.  Just go for what you feel a passion for. 

lazy,

you and i haven't shared much on this site, but i have admired your coolness and spot-on responces.  you like hugs?  have a dozen (((((((((((())))))))))).  you have earned every one. 

i am dealing with multiple medical problems, from bp to chronic pain to copd (i've been smoking for more years than many of you are years old .  we all occationally hate our lives and curse the gods that put us here. this is called being NORMAL.  boring, being normal, isn't it?  look at the bright side:  at least you CAN work.  i haven't been able to work for over 16 years!  and, with a male ego and overachiever, my work was my life and my life was my work.  when suddenly, painfully, i was no longer able to work, i really had a hard time.  what i'm trying to say is that freedom is the ability to exercise options.  lazy, you are very free.  you have a caring husband and a very marketable skill.  you are truely blessed.

the depression isn't personal, you know that.  it's a symptom of the disease.  medication and determination will handle the symptoms.  i believe in you, lazy.  you are a truely remarkable woman.

warren