Meh

The nurse from NHS Direct was great. Asked me a ton of questions and was really nice to me when they were hard to answer.
She said I need to see a doctor today.

So she sent the details to the out of hours surgery here and then a doctor called me.

He wasn't great.
He said I didn't sound manic, demanded to know why I thought I was manic (I'm not stupid... I thought I was bip when I was about 12, and my Mum is.. I know manic), and said I wasn't really suicidal because I'd rung in the first place.
He said I needed to see my GP tomorrow.
I explained that they wouldn't refer me, he said they would, and they'd refer me to the local services and then my care could be transferred when I move.

I move in 3 weeks!
Like I'm going to see a psychiatrist before that? In the NHS?

I've already had one doctor at that surgery tell me they wouldn't do anything for my suicidal feelings, and his reasoning seemed to be entirely because I self harm. He said I would never take any medication, I'd put barriers up to my health care and I wouldn't do anything I was told.
God knows where he got that from; I'd never seen him before, he doesn't have my medical records, he had absolutely nothign but the fact that I self harm to go from.
I was asking him for counselling to deal with the abuse I suffered in the past.
He made me feel like it was all my fault.
I got home from that appointment wanting to kill myself.

How am I going to cope if yet another doctor tells me they won't do anything about my mental health problems?

My boyfriend can't be off work tomorrow, he's in charge of his department at the moment and mondays and fridays are always terrible.

I feel like giving up.

Hi hun,

I'm so glad that the NHS Direct nurse was so good -- that's been my experience with them too -- and first thing is to know that you can, and *should*, call them at any time if things are feeling grim.

I'm sorry doc who called was a bit rubbish, but I do think it's good that you're going to see someone at your GP's surgery -- and remember to avoid the guy you saw before! -- Really hun, the difference between one doc and another even within the same practice, can be tremendous (there's one at mu current surgery that I wouldn't go to again for anything, whereas my doc there is great).

Tell whoever you see that you've spoken to NHS Direct, and repeat what was told to you by the nurse there. Then tell them about the doc who called, and about his comments (querying bipolar as well as what he said about being referred). Explain that you have a bipolar parent, and if that gets questioned have on hand some info from the following sources (or just take in copies of anything you find has useful info):

http://www.mhsanctuary.com/bipolar/criteria.htm

http://www.mental-health-today.com/bp/bi1.htm

http://www.allaboutdepression.com/dia_05.html

Make note in particular of the DSM-IV criteria for diagnosis, and remember that if they do not take this seriously when you have spelled it out they are liable for anything that happens to you!! -- If you get a stupid response, ask them to check these criteria there and then. If they do not have this to hand, then you should make sure you do (and this info can be got from the pages I've listed -- last one of them looks best on this) and pass this to them. Chances are, you will know more about bipolar than they do (as regular GPs are unlikely to have a specialism in this): you've lived with it and seen your mum with it. So use the knowledge you have and make sure that they are alert to the risks of you *not* being treated. You can also find the recognised treatment guidelines via this link:

http://www.wfsbp.org/guides.html

Be strong, be forceful (something that bipolar people can be *very* effectively if they channel it properly).

And do this tomorrow -- even if it means getting a lift from someone else, or getting a taxi.

You are in my thoughts and I have my fingers crossed for you. -- I know you can do it!!!!

Rosie x