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doing best ever since being diagnosed bipolar 1

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Posted 9/19/2006 5:35 AM (GMT 0)
hi guys, shout out from Ontario, Canada here:)

Denise, 49, single with 17yo son. bipolar 1 since 18 medicated about 10 yrs or so now.

had terrible depression and mania all my life, recovering addict.

now on Lithium 120 mgs daily, respiradol (sp) and wellbutrin

best i have ever been.

can hold down a full time job now even

all my friends and family see a huge change in me

my psych tells me i am doing awesome/like night and day from when he first took me on

looking forward to reading all the posts.

take care, Denise
Posted 9/19/2006 6:21 AM (GMT 0)
denise,

welcome to our "family"!  what a success story!  WOW! 

i was diagnosed with bp about a yr ago.  i resented the diagnosis and didn't really see how it fit.  i, too, was put on lithium and resented that. 

after eading your post i now believe that there may be hope for me.  thank you from the bottom of my heart.

warren

Posted 9/19/2006 7:09 AM (GMT 0)
warren there is big time hope. for sure. watch my posts. you will see how very transparent i am. you will see me share all my story and experience. i put some off because of being so self-effacing and candid but i am who i am.

if i can help in any way i am here. thanks for the welcome and thanks for the welcome to the family. i sure need one.

Denise
Posted 9/19/2006 9:19 AM (GMT 0)
Denise,

Welcome to Healing Well. I'm glad you have found a combination of medications that works for you. That's really hard to do sometimes.  As I have already seen by reading Warren't post, you will be an encouragement to others. 

Welcome,

Judy

Posted 9/19/2006 11:45 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Denise,

Welcome to HW!

It's so nice to meet you and to see what success can really be achieved with the right meds! We all need a success story -- and yours is great! I'm so pleased that you've got your life back and can really feel the good. And you're overcoming addiction too -- wonderful. This pesky bp often leads people into addiction and that's as tough as anything to pull out of. Kudos to you!

Great to have you aboard and looking forward to more of your posts.

Rosie x
Posted 9/19/2006 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
thank you so much guys for your welcome. i really look forward to this board. i dont usually stick too well with bp boards but i want to. having a bp family would be awesome!

thanks Judy

and

thanks co-moderator, love your tag line. just adore it.

bye for now all. will be back later today.

Denise :)
Posted 9/19/2006 9:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Denise,

We'd love to be your bp family! -- Big, friendly and as disfunctional as we choose!

Thanks for your lovely comment about my tag line -- really pleased it brought a smile! If you want to create your own, just go to "Control Panel" (by "Log in/off") and then select "Edit Profile". There's a box for you to add your signature at the bottome of the page. -- You can add info on your condition or have a silly line or two like me! :) Have fun with it!!

Rosie x
Posted 9/20/2006 8:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Denise, Rosie,
Well, here I am up in the middle of the night again. I literally slept most of the day. I've been fatigued and have a cold too. Lucky for me that I didn't have any to go out today. The sinus/cold seems to be improving some, but because of the meds I am on my resisitance is nill. I've been on an antibiotic, but may have to go a second round with it.

Denise, Ihope you stick with us. I know it's hard for bp's to stick to anything, at least for me it is. It seems like I'm gung ho to do something for awhile, and then I get in a depression and things so by the wayside. When we are in a depression is probably the most important time to post. We are in much need of support.

I hope you guys have a good Wednesday. I am going out for the first time since the weekend. It's getting chilly here and I'm looking forward to covering up this "to chubby" body.lol.. This is my favorite time of year, but I just have not felt like getting out. I like wearing jeans, sweatshirts, sweaters, and the like . I hope you all live where the seasons change.
It's so beautiful here in KY in the fall. Our leaves should start falling soon.

Bless you all today, & Be Well,

Judy
Posted 9/20/2006 11:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi guys,

Oh Judy, you've got me quite envious with that talk about how beautiful KY is. -- I'm in a part of the UK that doesn't do "beauty" much any time of the year! -- Well, I suppose I should just get on a train and *find* the beauty! Wrap up tight hun and *enjoy*.

Really sucks when your resistance is low, Judy. I had this a lot a year or so ago (and for a year backwards from that!). Turned out it was the Venlafaxine behind it all. Grr...!!! (That said, I've read posts where that has done wonders for other people, so don't take my yucky experience as indicative!) I really hope the second lot of antibiotics is the trick and that then you can start getting your immune system back to good levels.

Denise and Judy -- I know that bp can mean hikes and troughs in enthusiasm for projects. I really hope that this place will always feel like home, but I also think it's important for everyone to know that it'll be here for you just the same if you drop it along the wayside but later want to come back. The key thing is that everyone here knows that feeling and knows bp, and no-one's going to judge anyone the worse for it. Just wanted to say that, because I don't think you guys are the only ones who think about this.

Rosie x
Posted 9/20/2006 3:02 PM (GMT 0)
Judy and Rosie,

ya i think about it. hate restarts but i have decided that as much as it takes to reinvent this lady that is what i shall do. i deserve the best and only the very best as we all do.

being bipolar is a roller coaster ride. the highs are too high and the lows can be devestating. i just now focus on walking every day, eating better nutrition (just diagnosed diabetic) and not working too much. i am self-employed and a published writer. i take my meds everyday as scripted without missing a beat! that is very important for me.

i also have my 17 yo, Daniel to care for and he is a joy to be sure. he is also experimenting with booze and drugs so i have my hands full.

Judy do you want a natural remedy for your cold and immune function? if yes, i will post a good one to the board. i just have to hunt a bit for it.

Judy, wish i could walk with you there! sounds so beautiful. same here too. Rosie wish you could join us too and everyone reading this. wish we could all hold hands in loving support and walk,,, chubby as we are.

i must get back to work for now. will be back later. very nice board. Denise:)
Posted 9/20/2006 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
ky is one of the greenist states in the us (outside vermont, of course).  my wife and i truely love it.  and rosie, i never found a part of the uk that wasn't beautiful in its own way, from wales to scotland, from the midlands and lake district  to birminham and manchester (worked with a jordi for several ys - it waws a riot!), to brighton and eastbourne.  problem is when we live somewhere we tend not to appreciate the beauty around us.

and bp-ers CAN stick with things.  i managed to stay with my first wife for 5 yrs.  i deserve a metal for that.  tongue

warren

Posted 9/20/2006 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Denise and welcome.  I have certainly found friends and support here.  I'm glad you have a success story.  I do to even though I still have some depressed times, I get through them.  But I am so thankful that I don't have the mania anymore.  Luv..Lazy
Posted 9/20/2006 8:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone,

It was so nice to get home and see the posts. I enjoyed reading every one of them. I look forward to coming to this board very much. My day was good. A  friend and I went to lunch and did some shopping. It was just right outside, and I enjoyed the outing.

about my immune system, actually it is supressed with medication because I have an autoimmune disease similar to lupus.  My immune system literally turned on me and did the opposite of what it is supposed to do. Insead of protecting me, it attacked my liver.  So, I don't need to build it up. It was destroying my liver until I got on prednisone to shut it down. OF course without it, I'm suseptible to infection so I have to be careful. So far, so good though, I haven't had any serious infections.

Train rides and walks sound so nice. Woudn't it be nice to just take off and go anytime, anywhere. tongue   I would pick the rest of you all up and we could meet Rosie and go for a long train ride! Denise, I sure wish we lived closeby. I'de love to walk with you!  All this running around has made me tired lol.

I love the humor in the posts.  I am  feeling pretty flat, not really depressed although I do cry easily, but that's ok.  I've learned that i'ts ok to feel all my emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly.  I think part of it is the medication though. Prednisone can really mess with your mind and body. I have weaned down to 20mg from 40 over the last few months. I am in hopes of getting off of it if my liver enzymes stay in the normal range and I go into remission.

Well, so much for the doom and gloom... tongue I'm happy to have a bp family to laugh and cry and share with.

Until next time..

Be Well,

Judy

Posted 9/20/2006 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
hugs for not feeling up to par.  i've been on and off prednizone for copd.  i don't like it much:  makes my face look like a basketball!  don't try to imagine it - it's too horrible to contimplate.  hope your experience with it has been less eventful than mine.

warren

Posted 9/21/2006 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
hi guys, good morning! really nice group here. just getting off a board where everyone wanted to one up each other. bunch of jealousy and envy. how i hated that. i just stuck my head up high and posted to all my success anyway! some are forever looking for something to belittle or break down. i just dont get it! how can we all be friends and supportive like that? yuck...so glad to be done with all that!

prednisone i researched for my work once upon a time and i have written lots of medically related copy. it is found to be a very effective drug altho with some side effects found to be troublesome for some.

all my drugs i am on have nasty side effects but like my Psych doc said, "Denise it is a trade off." i agree. i take drugs that raise my blood sugar level and i am diabetic. oh well, will deal with that in other ways. without my mental health i dont even take care of my physical self. that has all changed now. i had to get very very sick to learn how to care properly for myself. nearly lost my mind many times over so now i do different lifestyle changes like diet and exercise and this works well for me. on top of that i HAVE to eliminate as much stress as i can swing. that is KEY to my overall well being.

well guys i am nursing a broken heart today. a guy i am in love with told me he only feels friendly love towards me so i best get very busy with my work and try to figure this kinda hurt out. at near 50 i feel like a teenager emotionally.

look forward to coming back here later, have a good day all. Denise in Canada

"The miracle is not to fly in the air,
or to walk on the water,
but to walk on the earth." <::><

-- Chinese Proverb

Posted 9/21/2006 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi counterclockwise,

how did you decide upon your username?

i hope i have my tagline right. let's see:

 

Posted 9/21/2006 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
hi guys, my boss is brainbench certified in Internet research and she is teaching me how to be more effective when researching.

if anybody here ever needs something to be found by search engine, drop me a note and i will do my best to find it for you. just be patient with me because it might take me a bit to find what you need.

i will gladly find whatever it is for you. Denise:)

Posted 9/21/2006 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
Oh bless you Denise -- I'll certainly let you know if I'm struggling to find something!

I too came here from a board where there was a lot of one-upmanship (and cattiness -- oh the cattiness!). I was a wreck after a few of weeks posting and trying to integrate. Well, I was already a bit of a wreck when I joined it ... hence the low self-esteem that kept me trying to work out why it wasn't working for me (with all the "what's wrong with me?" questions!) When I first came to HW I brought all that anxiety with me and was *sooo* paranoid for a couple of weeks -- sure everyone hated me ... only this time with no justification for thinking so! Ok, so my depression had something to do with it too -- that's when the low self-esteem and paranoia kick in -- but the old forum really exaccerbated it!!

You sound like you have a really good handle on your ideas regarding the meds -- and a good relationship with your pdoc (so important -- and I wish more people had good ones!!). You've done marvels to turn yourself around so well. I'm v v v v impressed!!!

I really feel for you with the guy situation -- in fact I feel *with* you, as I'm nursing a broken heart in a similar situation ... though it's so confusing because he's bp and I don't know if it's coming from him or the illness (he's shutting many people out). For now, I'm just having to accept it ... hm, that doesn't sound like me... well, maybe I've reached the control point (been enough tears and grimness up till now though -- I don't know, some days are better than other days -- an email from him will still unsettle me badly...). Really I just wanted to send you hugs (((Denise))) and say I know the feeling -- and that includes feeling like a teenager emotionally (nicely put!). I'm so sorry.

Your tagline's come out just great too -- and a really nice proverb to choose. Beautiful. I chose my username on the basis that I don't necessarily do things in the conventional order, but I do seem to cover all the points one way or another! Came to me in a moment of clarity (and I don't get that many!) and it just summed it all up!

Rosie x
Posted 9/21/2006 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Denise

I am late in welcoming you, but welcome! I have been on this board and I love it. People here are very kind and compassionate. We truly care about each other. I love to see the posts, especially from new members. Well, okay, I like Warren's posts and always look for them first.

But in reading this I got a new thread idea.

Anyway, glad to have you on board!

Cap, member of the male minority.
Posted 9/22/2006 12:01 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Capn!

Thanks for the groovy welcome! Look forward to your posts. Denise
Posted 9/22/2006 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
i guess i'm the second 1/3 of the male minority!   :-)   

getting a handle on meds and their side effects seems to be most of the battle.  my new pdoc and i started working on that today.  you give me hope.

cap, thanks for the kind words.  like rosie says, i just tell it like it is (the Gospel according to warren)

sorry about the b/f situation.   confused    i am a bit older, but can't imagine being without my wife or hitting the dating sceen.  i shudder at the thought.  you have a lot of courage.  i just have bp.  see, you win this round.  tongue

sorry about the rambling.  didn't sleep last night and have been hyper all day.  but that's my problem, not yours.  accept the positive in this post and ignore any of my negativity.

warren

Post Edited (wmnak) : 9/21/2006 8:34:33 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/22/2006 8:53 AM (GMT 0)
warren, i dont find you negative in the least. to me you are real plain and simple and i crave to hook up with real people just like you.

doing this for more than 10 years now (likely more like 15 but not sure) i used to fabricate who i was. especially on boards. i would say that i was a writer when i was a wannabe writer. what could it harm, right? just talkin to a bunch of strangers. but little did i know that i would develop a trusting relationship with these people and when i did i felt i had to come clean. i learned in AA to be honest at all cost especially with myself. i would have a manic episode online for weeks, months and when i was done my tirade i would confess. i did this on professional writing boards. and i wondered why i was not embraced? i was labelled loony tunes by many of the boards i have been on. nobody could embrace this chick until i did. lesson one learned.

i started fabricating at around age 4 i think. i was severly abused and i lived in a fantasy world. i learned to get by fabricating and that developed into lies that i slung around at the least provocation. i used to say i lied because my security was threatened. well now i know i lied because it was more comfortable for me. by the time i understood my truth i was not believed. thank goodness for counseling warren because if not for that and meds i would be dead, a dead liar.

i dont lie today so dont worry. i really am a published writer. by the time i had achieved my goal in that way others rejected me too for other reasons so i cant win.

today i just live my reality plain and simple just like i see you do. if i am not embraced i tell myself you cant be all things to all people. so long as i embrace Denise warts and all i am ok. the rest is gravy.

thanks a lot for posting warren. you and i have so much in common as we do with all people with bipolar.

by the way i dont feel my hurt and pain is any more severe than yours or anothers. i feel pain is relative to the person so if it is way painful for you it is to me too. enuf philosophy for today. i am full of that kinda talk. when i grow up i might be a philosopher. haha.

see you later warren and all. Denise:)
Posted 9/22/2006 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
(((((denise))))))

we have more in common than you realized.  i grew up in a totally dysfunctional home and was severely abused.  like you, i lived i a fantasy land to escape.  one difference - i started trying to live the fantasys confused .  i did myself tremendous harm. 

i found lieing always easier, "safer," and less taxing than telling the truth.

then i crashed after i graduated from college. i don't remember 1970 because i was in a drug and alcohol-induced haze.  i pulled myself up by my bootstraps, dusted myself off, and got on with my life.

it's all over now.  i won't be able to ever work again due to chronic, almost constant, debilitating back pain.  but during my working life i did more in reality than i ever lied about or fabricated.  because of naational security i cannot mention any of the things that i did, but i am very proud of what i accomplished and now, with the realization that i've probably had bp all my life, i am  doubly proud of what i managed to do.

funny, one of my fantacies was always to be a writer.  i've written more words than most writers, but they were in tecnical and user's manuals.  doesn't count.  you are living one of my dreams.  i hope it feels goog to you.  it feels wonderful to me.

warren

Posted 9/22/2006 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
warren, writing feels good, yes, but it is also a means to an end so can get repetitive like everything else.

ah, yes, the fantasy land. let me at it! haha. i have learned to substitue meds and reality thank heavens!

there are all kinds of good paying tech writing jobs online. want me to show you?

Denise
Posted 9/23/2006 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
why not?  disability income is the pits.

never thought of being a technical writer.  i was always the one developing the system or data base.  we had them on our staff, of course, but i always wrote my own stuff.  they "cleaned it up a little" from time to time.  :-)    would you believe my first degree is in creative writing?  i was at that time trying to make my fantacy into reality.   it just didn't work.

thanks for your kind offer.  how does it work?

warren

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