Bad, bad girl I am.

   Bad, bad girl am I. I didn't see my T. on a regular basis and my Pdoc pulled my meds of mine b/c of it. Pdoc says "you have to see your T. to see me". Ok. I make appt. I go today and T. says "maybe this program isn't working for you. You can't seem to keep an appt." HELLO????????????? Why do you think I am receiving disability? If I can't keep a job, what on EARTH makes her think I can keep consistent appts?

DUH

The reason I went is cuz all you guys kept saying "go,go,go". So I did. I asked her what the corrolation between meds and a T. was, b/c I really don't get it. I don't understand how a T can help with my chemically malfunctioning brain. She basically told me that I hadn't attended consistently enough for us to have a relationship that would allow me to see the benefits. (back on me- bad, bad girl ) so, maybe it would just be best for me to start getting my meds through a primary care dr. and not "worry" about having to keep appts with her. I've only missed about 4 in the last year. Hmmm. I don't think she likes me. I think she thinks I'm a pain in the arse.

So, I'm off my meds and have no T and no pdoc. Cuz I'm a bad, bad girl.

 

Thanks Rosie. I'll consider that. I can afford to do that but I am just being stubborn. (trying to be honest here) You know what it is like though starting all over again. I'm not convinced I'll ever feel GOOD again. Feel OK - maybe. Good? hmmmmmmmm

Thanks again. You got me thinking. I checked out that link about fatty people. I am also considering "turning over a new leaf". <maybe>

Ooh, I clicked your image too Numbly -- Warren's right, you're stunning! I know you probably won't be able to hear that right now -- hope you can, but, if not, save these words up for when you can!!!

Yes, Warren, it seems that the ex is happy (well, happy enough) with the pdoc he's been assigned. Though this may have something to do with the fact that ex has told me the pdoc is a PTSD specialist and ex is currently in an "I have PTSD" phase (whereas I tend to think the symptoms suggest bp, maybe with PTSD as well -- but I'm saying nowt!!!). I had a few strong words to say to him after he started moaning about the pdoc who did his recent assessment (who may or may not be the same pdoc he's seeing now -- only the odd email and text message in the last couple of weeks, which has been hard and at the same time good for my sanity...). Anyway, he's now claiming to be taking it very seriously, etc. I will wait and see -- strictly from a distance these days... . I shouldn't judge him really: his old pdoc did keep telling him off and was a bit useless all round (no diagnosis after 4 months, spending lots of time talking about sex -- did someone say Freud??!).

Rosie x

Oh, my measurements were better today. (going Down, Down, Down )

Laura,

I have found when chosing a Pdoc or a therapist that I have the right to interview them while they are getting their evaulation of me. My brother, a therapist in CO. says that we should be very choosy and shop for a doctor and therapist. I was with a wonderful doctor for many years that I trusted completly, but finances changed all that a few years back. Now I am on disability, at a mental health clinic, and do not have as much choice.

But, I did ask my therapist what her experience was, how she was equipped to help me, and what kind of therapy she/he is intending to use. I tell them what I want out of the therapy and ask them if they are going to be intimidated by someone that is very outspoken and an advocate for herself.  I want to know everything that is going on  with every aspect of my health, not only physically, but mentally. I also make sure that my doctor really HEARS me and appreciates my insight into my illness and does not treat me like a number.

I would not stay with a doctor or therapist that I feel did not have my best interest in mind, and that I could not sit down and talk with and ask them questions about themselves and their training. I guess I'm just picky about who I want poking around in my mind or prescribing meds to me.

I have been keeping up with your posts. It would be good if you could get in to see someone soon. I missed an appointment with my therapist last week. I also have to keep up those to stay in this assistance program. But I was too sick to go. I have some medical problems that he is aware of (the therapist). I've just been really honest about that with him, and my doc knows so they may give me a break because of it.

I have to go for a lithium level on Monday. I will have to do it, but not alone. A good friend and I are going together. I find it is good to have someone that understands us to be with us at times when we are going through relapses, illnesses, confusing times,ect. which I have gone through all withiin the lasat year.

I have to be honest. I would be scared to be off my medicine right now. It does keep me from having the mood swings and rapid cycling I have with bp2. and the dreaded depression. At least it keeps it at bay.  I talke lamictal, lexapro, lithium and klonopin.

I didn't mean to write so much, but have been reading and was a bit concerned about the hypomaniic state you are in, but you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and know what to do.  Following through is sometimes hard though.  At least for me.

Be Well,

Judy

 

hi sensitive numbly, i have been a very bad girl, too, when it comes to keeping appts and sticking with my meds. heck, i would go so far as to say i have had problems sticking period. if i could not get something back from it like being high or drunk or having money in my pocket, it was not much worth my while.

see i was so depressed that i opted to pull those covers over my head and miss appts. i did not care about meds until i became so manic and then suicidal that i landed in the emerg. it was at that point my psych doc that had closed my file reopned it taking pity on me. he explained i cant properly treat or assess you unless i see you over the long run and and until i get to know you much better. well i ended up losing this doc too because of having pulled thos covers over my head in denial and extreme (pain) or what i thot was pain. today i see i was just uncomfortable. Denise did not like to be bothered with the inconvenience of leaving that warm comfort for something i got little back from from.

warp speed ahead to about 2 yrs later and i have a new psych doc that assures me i am like night and day since he first took me on with the warning miss one appt and you are gone. that was my wake up call. i need this doc for the meds that i had come to rely on for my moods and i need him too to fill out my disability forms. ah ha therein lies the truth. i needed this doc. i need him for my security. i spent the last 2 years or so telling my doc all about me and he has helped me big time. today i have a meds mix that actually works for me and no more pulling those covers up over my head and denying and disappearing. today i also hold down the job of my dreams. i have worked very hard over the past 10 years to earn my place in the writing industry and today i am a published writer.

what do you want to be and do with your life? perhpas hang onto those that might be able to help make it all happen for you. if not T's and psych docs then who?

bipolar equals mental illness = therapist and psych docs. for me a match made in heaven! take care and be good. i gave up being too bad a long time ago and today i opt for being responsible.

Denise in Canada