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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 9/29/2006 7:07 AM (GMT 0)
I'm moving today, and thanks to my boyfriend's car still being at the garage, I can't move my computers.
So I'll be offline til he gets his car back or I get my uni username and password on Monday and can use a computer lab.

*sigh*

It's always the worst timing isn't it... this also means I won't get to see him til he gets the car back.
Meh.

Anyway; I wanted to ask about an odd thing I've done a couple of times.
This last time was mostly through choice, though irrational.

I just lock all my feelings and emotions down and don't care about anything anymore.
It stops the pain, though I'm not happy either. I'm not anything. I don't think of anything, I can just sit and stare at a wall for hours without thinking or caring about it.
I don't feel anything, even towards my boyfriend. I know that I love him, but only because I *know* it, intelectually. I don't feel anything whilst I'm like that.

Has anyone else had anything like this?
Is this normal in any kind of way?
I mean... I know it's not normal, normal, but you know what I mean.

Hopefully Rob will get his car back today and I'll be able to get my computer set up and get back on quickly!
In the meantime, take care of yourselves, and answer my question so I can come back to all of your wonderful wisdom :-)
Posted 9/29/2006 8:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Djonma!

Wow -- the big move!!!! Good luck with it all!!! If you're still online for a little bit this morning, send me a quick email and we'll see what we can do about a little support while you wait for your computer to be back online!!! (To email me just click on my user id in the column on the left of this post: that'll get you to my profile and my email addy's there.

I definitely know that the dissociative feeling you have is not uncommon -- not sure if it's a sign of mania or depression -- or just the body's way of saying enough is enough for a while and chanelling all that energy that would be spent on emotional ups and downs into just helping you get through things physically for a while. I don't think it's anything to worry about if it just happens for a short while (and with the big changes you've got at present it doesn't seem odd that this should hit you right now). As you get the bp swings under control and this takes less of a toll on you physically and emotionally, I am sure this will also improve.

Big hugs,

Rosie x
Posted 9/30/2006 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the concern guys; I'm ok.
I'm all settled in in my room, and Rob's dad was really nice and brought a car load of stuff for me this evening so I have my computer finally :-)

I think the stopping emotions thing is when I just can't take any more pain.
The last month and a bit have been awful, since last Weds when I went into hospital it's been worse.
I've had NO luck with the doctor - he was meant to be speaking to the consultant Wednesday, and I've still heard nothing. I called twice a day each day and was told he'd call me and he didn't. Which I find to be very odd as he's a very good doctor normally.

Rob talked me out of the lack of emotion thing the other night, that's why I posted. I wouldn't have cared enough to post if I'd still been in it.
It took some doing though. I just couldn't see why it was upsetting him so much - I thought it was good that he wouldn't have to worry about me hurting myself, as I didn't think anything bad could happen feeling like that, I thought he should be happier that way.
Looking back on it it's a bit odd, as I can completely understand why he was upset now, I just couldn't at the time.

I'm ok though, and I'm back, and *I* am back, not weird and emotionless.
It's me :-)
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