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WANTING TO RUN?? MANIC? CRAZY? HELP!!!!

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Posted 10/31/2006 10:55 PM (GMT 0)
  I haven't been on in a while but need some advice, assurance, help....something..

I am married, trying to have a baby,,,,,and have come off my Lamictal in order to do so.  I have been off my Lamictal since July but am still on Lexapro....I am not struggling with deep depression, which is more normal for me,,,,,,,

I am struggling with being bored with my life and changing my mind every few minutes, thinkingone minute I want to have a baby and then the next I don't BECAUSE  I think I need to get a divorce and am afraid of getting trapped in my marriage...this is crazy, b/c I don't want to go out and meet someone else or think I am missing something,,,,,,,,, I miss the CRAZINESS I used to have.....the meaningless sex, drinking and partying equal freedom and independence to me----which I know logically is not what I need.....I am about to turn 30---have been on both sides of the fence---I have sown my oats....but I am CRAVING excitement and passion  and craziness----  I want to have a secret life--an affair---something to spice things up--that is what goes through my head constantly--I have even dreamt about it......(and in my dream the after math  guilt was there as well)))

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND HOW DO I DEAL WITH IT???

Is this normal?  Does it mean I have a boring life and there is something better out there OR is this a symptom of some hypo mania and if so how do I deal with it without going back on a mood stabilizer---so I can get pregnant/// Should I get pregnant or is this a red flag that I should take off?   My husband is supportive and sweet and tries his best, but it is like there is nothing he can do to please me---I just get irritated--- 

That's why I think it is me!!

PLEASE--ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

Posted 10/31/2006 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sassie,

This definitely fits in with what I've seen and read about (hypo)mania. Very often, though it is best to avoid some meds while you try to conceive and during in the early months of pregnancy, they can be taken safely again a few months in. My concern is that, even if you got pregnant today, that would still leave a long time of feeling this unsettled before you could return to the med.

How long have you been off Lamictal? Have you been having therapy to help you with things while you are off -- and while you are trying to deal with what can be one of life's biggest stressors (even without bp), getting pregnant?

If I were you, I'd definitely go back to your pdoc and be honest with him/her about everything you're feeling. There may be a safe alternative for helping oyu with this time, or it may be wise to go back on the Lamictal and restabilise before trying again. Either way, you owe it to yourself and your future children to take as much care of *yourself* as possible, and to play it safe even if it means a bit of a delay in getting pregnant.

(((Sassie)))

Rosie x
Posted 11/1/2006 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for responding.....I have been off my Lamictal since July...and yes I am seeing a therapist as well....I actually have an appointment with both drs. in the next few weeks so I will be expressing all of this.

I guess my fear is that my pdoc. will put me back on my meds. if I tell him all of this and part of me wants to just fight through it BUT I know too that I don't want to continue to feel like this.  I mean, I want to feel love and happiness--not irritability, anger, and all this other craziness all the time...

And then, everyone thinks I am doing so well b/c I haven't had any major breakdowns and have been able to control all my other things...and I have everything that is except my head...

It is going crazy with all this mess and I don't want to do anything to mess up my life, marriage--the healthy things I have established based on these crazy thoughts--I am a recovering bulemic and while I am not acting out,,,,I am exercising and watching my food again like crazy--it is just like, if it is not one thing , it is another......it is just so frustrating!

Posted 11/1/2006 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sassie --

Can you get an appointment earlier? It seems to me that you need help with managing this *now*. If you've been off your mood stabiliser since July, it doesn't surprise me at all that you are feeling so horrible: it's well-documented that stopping meds is likely to trigger bad mood swings within 6 months -- and 3 or 4 months is right on the money. For me, the choice is simple: you and your well-being come first here -- but I know that you want to conceive and that makes things so difficult for you. But going back on meds now doesn't mean you have to give up, just that you need to think about setting parameters for conception and if you don't manage it in the first 3 months, go back on the meds, stabilise again, and then try again in another 6-12 months (always closely monitored by your pdoc).

Well hun, I'm an ex-anorexic/bulimic (have done both) and I know that beginning to play with my food, or rather abstaining from it, is one of my clearest signs that depression is bearing down and I need to go back on my meds. It can also be a strong sign of mania -- and it does sound to me like you are entering a hypomania or something. You have to treat that first: get back to a state in which you are comfortable again and able to conceive. In fact, if you are underdoing food and overdoing exercise, there's a strong chance you won't be able to conceive -- and your obvious distress will only be adding to that inability right now: stress tends to knock that one on the head pretty quickly. As I say, if I were you I'd get yourself back to a more stable, calm place, and try again. -- Sorry, though, I know that's not exactly music to your ears.

(((Sassie)))

Rosie x
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