Insensitive Spouse!

My husband has been out of town since Sunday for business. I spoke with him yesterday at 7pm he said he was going to go to dinner and he would call me when he was done. Well 5 hours later at midnight still no call. This is very unlike him so I started to get very worried/agitated/anxious. I finally called him & no answer. I waited a few minutes and now answer again. Finally he calls me and acts like it's no big deal & I totally lost it for about an hour.

He was not sensitive about what I'm going through, I just started meds 3 weeks ago and am under alot of stress. He said he's used to me ranting that it's just a part of life now with me and that he thinks I will be like this forever and he just has to get use to it. He even had the nerve to say that I need to get help and maybe a new medicine. I just started this one 3 weeks ago. I am doing everything I can to not go through this, going to my doctor, taking medicine, doing research. I don't know what else to do. I feel hopeless.

He makes it sound like I like feeling this way. He even told me that he never met anyone who acts like this, like Im the only bipolar person in the world and that it's refreshing to be away from me. Not once acknowledging the added stress he putting me through. I feel like he does whatever he wants and when I respond or show any feelings I need help, or I need medicine. He uses my mental problem as a cop out. Anything I feel Im wrong because Im basically crazy to him.

Does anyone else go through this? I feel very alone, and ashamed like I'm not suppose to feel anything. Sorry for such a long post. I'm starting to think he's making me worse, is this possible?

I feel bad enough. I don't need the one person I should be able to depend on to remind me so often that I'm cleary flawed. I'm so confused, I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

Does anyones else's significant other make things harder? Am I being unreasonable? I'm told so much that it is me that causing this I'm starting to second guess my self.

Thanks for your response. I've been married to my husband for 4 years. I was diagnosed w/ Bipolar shortly after the first year we were married. But I remember being a teenager and going through what I go through now so I'm sure I had it even then.

We've talked about going together and he is definately willing. He actually came with me once a few years back when I was first diagnosed. This is just such a terrible thing to live with because it so difficult and draining for both of us. I know the way he responds to me is because he's confused and doesn't understand. One week I'm fine & the next I'm a mess.

Last week was a particularly hard week, since he was out of town. It was the first time we were away from each other in the 4 years we were married. I just started a new medicine and think it was all too much for me at once. I just lost it, and he loses his patience.

He's home now and we had a really good talk over the weekend, so all is well. I was really a wreck last week. I'm glad it's over.

I really appreciate this website because it's good to talk w/ people who can understand.

You have an interesting take on marriage. Mine is quite different. But whatever works for you. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with "tending" to your husband or wife. I think it's mutual and it's done out of love.

One thing I do agree with is that each individual is responsible for their self, not just in marriage but in life as well. I certainly don't think anyone can take the blame for your personal actions. Along with that statement, I would have to say that anything an individula does in a marriage does effect the other individual directly or indirectly. Purposeful or not. That what happens when two lives are intertwined.

I don't just leave it up to chance that we end up on the "Same Path". We got married because we choose to be on the same path.

Also, I'm not married because I don't want to be alone, I'm married because I love my husband and I want to be married to him.

I think you misunderstood my post. I'm not looking for someone to "fill the gaps in my life", I'm just looking for a way to make a hard situation easier. I thought hearing what everyone else does would be beneficial, and could possible give me ideas of how to make this less stressfull for the both of us.

Thanks for your response. I can appreciate the "though love" approach. Sometimes it's just what people need to hear. Congrats on 30 years!

I'm so sorry for you wife. Cancer is a horrible thing. My father was diagnosed with testicle cancer at age 24, unfortunately it wasn't found soon enough and it spread to his lungs. He was given only 2 weeks to live. Well they were wrong.

6 Months ago at 49 my father was diagnosed again with cancer (for the 3rd time). This time it's Cancer of the throat. He has radiation Monday-Friday for six weeks along w/ Chemotherapy every Friday for 6 weeks. He can't eat. And he doesn't want us to put the liquid in his feeding tube. He is down to 104 lbs. at 5 ft 11 inchs tall. It got all but 2% of the cancer which he may have to have part of his throat removed to get rid of the rest. We have to wait and see. He has spent more than half his of life sick.

I know firsthand what such a horrible disease can do to a family, I've been living it since I was 5. And just like you and your wife my mom has been by his side the entire time.

I wish there was something I could say, but I know nothing anyone says can make it better.

If you want to vent feel free to send me a message. I hope everything turns out ok.