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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 12/16/2007 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
hi guys,

im not doin so good. i was taking this med for my tremors which stopped my head meds from working. i went off the tremor med but am still battling a horrible depression. the kind where i cant make myself do anything, i have total apathy and disintrest in everything and am so sad all the time. the only time i can manage to do anything is when i am committed to someone or something, if its for myself it doesnt get done. im also haveing major anxiety and a few of my manic symptoms are back. my pdoc put me on welbutrin temporarily to try to even me out and she says its just gonna take time until the other meds start working again. im just so despondant and i guess i need some love and understanding. my family is driving me crazy becasue they think i am just "a little sad" or "everyone gets depressed once in a while". and i have such guilt because i feel like i did this to myself becasie i knew it was a small possiblilty that this would happen when i started the tremor med.

oh well, thanks for letting me vent. as always i just need someone to understand.

bunny

Posted 12/17/2007 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hi bunnypucker,

Boy will we understand. Here's an e-hug, you need it. ((((((hug)))))). The irony of having the meds counteract each other is just brutal. I'm sorry.

Try and at least get yourself out of bed and showered every day. Are you managing that? If so, what's the next level? Are you managing to get 3 meals a day? As long as the basics are taken care of, the rest is gravy -- truly. The rest can slide. Let people help you. That one's tough for me, but ask for help for things like managing household tasks you can't face. You're gonna be okay. Give it a week or two -- you can do that.

And keep us up to date. We're here for you.

serafena
Posted 12/17/2007 2:06 AM (GMT 0)

Bunny,

I understand what you are going through with your family driving you crazy because they don't acknowledge your fight with depression.  My family and friends are the same way.  Alot of it is due to ignorance or not willing to accept depression as a problem.  I hear the same thing and also "you have always been this way" or "I don't know why you have to take those meds, its not that bad". They don't understand or are just in denial.

The best thing I did was find this site.  I have made a new family that really seem to care, and you will too.  It gives you something to get up in the morning for.  I always get happy when I recieve a message and know someone cared enough to write.  It is strange how quickly you make friends here.

Right now my life is a bit mixed up as well, but right now I am here for you.  Sometimes you think you are over exagerating or you just don't know where to start.  It is like a rollercoaster many times.  Hang in there we will be here for you.

Posted 12/17/2007 10:02 PM (GMT 0)

thank you guys very much,

i do have to admit that i am spending most of my time in my pajamas, im just more comfortable. i sit on the couch a lot and i knit or watch tv. its kind of like the couch is my safe place, i cant really describe it. its really hard for me to be like this. between my bp, my crohns disease and my neurological issues i feel pretty broken. its so frustrating becasue im 26 years old can only work 2 days a week and have to live and mooch off my parents. which i count myself lucky for and i know they dont mind, id have nowhere else to go and they like having me home. just makes me feel helpless and non functional, especially when i see my same age and younger siblings out on their own and doing so well. i do puzh myself to try to go out of the house and i do substitute teach 2ce a week but that is a huge accomplishment when i do.

i think right now i am just taking this all much harder than usual bacasue of the depression.

you guys make me feel so good becasue you accpet this as REALITY. and now just a case of the blues. that it can be debilitating. i lurk every day on this forum but i dont always say much, i dont feel lik ei have much to add usually. so i do know a lot about all of you and i appreciate you taking time out to help me. its hard for me to admit it but i do need the help very much.

thanks again

bunny

Posted 12/17/2007 10:12 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry you are feeling this way bunny.  I know how hard it can be to go through that forever wait until meds kick in.  Doing that right now myself.  I understand exactly what you are going through.

Posted 12/18/2007 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
Ooooh Whatcha knitting?

I haven't been able to concentrate much on patterns, so I haven't been knitting as much as I once did.
Posted 12/19/2007 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
right now i am knitting scarfs. millions and millions of scarfs. i dont have much money so thats what im doin for christmas presents. come to think of it thats all i really make. i do hats too. i usually use a knitting loom, needle knitting is new to me, i jsut started doing it.

it helps me use up the nervous energy and it helps to do something even when i feel like i cant lift a finger.

bunny 

Posted 12/19/2007 1:48 AM (GMT 0)
I really think you should start a website with all of your scarfs.  I have no idea how to make one and I am sure there are many others as well that don't.  They would make great presents this time of year for any occassion.  If I were in the US I would buy them for my family to keep warm.  You have a talent that should not be wasted.  I hope you give it a thought.  You just never know.  Home made items like thses touch the heart much more than store bought items.  Good luck.

Posted 12/19/2007 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
i knit scarfs , lots and lots of scarfs. its really the only thing i make. i usually use a loom but im just getting into needle knitting. i make hats too. doing all my christmas presents that way casue i dont have a lot of money. usually i like it, now its kind of a chore, i still have 3 more to go:)

bunny

Posted 12/20/2007 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
I like making scarves for presents, even though it does get to be a chore towards the end. It's good for the pocketbook and it's warm-feeling when you give something you made.

I'm glad you're doing something positive with your time. Even when you're feeling very low, you're doing something very sweet, and making presents, even while you're watching television. Sure you can find ways to discount this, but why bother? It's a skill you have, something that makes you unique and lovely, and you can make clothes and give them away! How cool is that?!

I'm sorry you've been feeling low. I hope the past couple days have found you lighter. How's the weather where you are? (You're in Britain, right?)
Posted 12/22/2007 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
serefena,
i never thought about making scarfs that way, i just kinda DO it but youre right it does feel good to make things people will use and enjoy.
actually i live in buffalo, ny. its been a bit cold here, last week we had a couple feet of snow and tomorrow its supposed to start back up again. doesnt bothere me so much, only when im trying to drive somewhere.
i THINK im feeling better but im not sure. so i guess that means i am :). im having breakthrough moments when i feel good, even though they only last like 5 minutes, its progress. the last 4 days i have had what the doc called an intractable migraine which landed me in the hospital for some meds. i feel a bit better with that but things like feeling sick with that or say, my crohns messes up my head some more. overall id say im doing 20% better which is definitely some improvement. im hoping that the next few days will boost me up more and ill be happy for christmas, its my favorite.
so, still down and out but getting there i think. just gotta wait some more.
thanks guys


bunny
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