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Posted 10/26/2008 1:41 PM (GMT 0)

confused   Hi. My mum died of cancer just under 6 years ago now (I was 12ish at the time) & I have found it really hard to cope, a main problem being that I don't have a great bond or comunication with either my Dad or younger sister. In October last year, I started going out with this lad who fills all the love, hugs and kisses I feel I have missed out on from my mum since she died but as I have found it even harder to cope lately, he can't cope with the emotions I am sharing with him either, and has broken down and is now ill because of it. At the moment we are on a break until we can both sort ourselves out and make ourselves stronger again but I am finding it difficult to express my emotions and believe in myself at all. I have been finding and taking what counselling I can but feel the need to express my emotions as soon as I feel depressed. Does anyone know any hints or tips on things I could do to boost my confidence and express my emotions when a counseller or someone to talk to isn't available. Many thanks xxx  confused

Posted 10/26/2008 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
I am from a different forum but I did read your post and felt that journaling might help (I know it seems like such a little thing). Plus I think regularly seeing a therapist is a great idea.
Posted 10/26/2008 3:22 PM (GMT 0)

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. If you click on "Forums & Chat" at the top of the page, you will get a listing of all the forums here at HealingWell. You may find the members at the Depression forum very helpful to you in meeting your needs.

Hoping you find relief from your pain soon.

Posted 10/26/2008 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your help, & journaling/writing things down was one of the things I have been told and was about to start doing x
Posted 10/28/2008 1:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi.  I'm not only a cancer survivor and mom... I can identify with your feelings of loss, as I lost my mom to cancer at the age of 7.  i just wanted to say that you can never expect another human being to fill the void that you feel.  Your mom is gone, and you need to deal with that.  Expecting a boyfriend to make up for what you feel you missed out on as a child is not fair to him, and it is not the way to build a healthy, meaningful, lasting relationship.  You are only 18 (?), but if this boy is important, you both need to go to counseling together. You both need to learn where the emotional boundaries are.  Journalling may help you get the emotions out, but you need to learn how to deal with them rather than expecting your guy to, and you need professional help for that.  If you don't get help with this, the past will eat away at your future, and you don't want that to happen.  And I know, as a cancer survivor and a mom that YOUR mom would not want her death to keep you from being a happy, stable, and emotionally healthy young woman. 

Good luck, sweetie!

BEV

 

Posted 10/28/2008 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
I understand what you are saying... The thing is... because my boyfriend has an illness that has only just taken him 15 1/2 years to come through and has now came back, he needs to see doctors and councilers on his own or at least with his mum and family... we have broken off our relationship for the time being and are not aloud to see, speak or find out how each other are doing so we can consentrate on getting ourselves sorted. Even when I was younger, before my mum died, I used to cope with a number of things alone and that is why I hid from it all of these years, believeing to myself I can cope alone. I parshally blamed myself for my mums death anyway, as the last words I told her as a 12 year old kid, were "I HOPE YOU DIE!" as I couldn't get something I wanted. Now I sit here and think and worry about the last 6 years. I sit here now while it plays on my mind, unable to deal with anything myself, sitting here crying now as I regret everything I have done over the last 6 to 7 years... knowing that this may be mine and my boyfriends time over for good (loosing him is gonna hit me so hard!!) knowing that I can never see my mum face to face again... all the hard things that have happened over the last 6 years... them all pilling up over time and just exploding out at me all at once... this is why so many time I have just given up, cut my self, running away to find a way to kill myself... because I know for a fact that I can't cope with it any more!!!!!
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