Middle of the Night

Frank, ask yourself what you would have done in each of these cases if you wife hadn't been diagnosed. Then, that's what you do. Things will certainly be in the air but my late husband made sure everything stayed on track. He was my biggest supporter and I still miss him.

 

I know you are having a lot of turmoil about what is coming up but so is your wife. Why not ask her about these things?  Let her make the decision.

 

As far as all the treatments, wait just a bit until the doctors tell you what the exact treatments will be. Please don't get bogged down by statistics. MK told you that I was seven years out from the time the doctors said I would be gone. She was just a little wrong. It's over eight years.

 

Jo-Ann

In every couple there should be opposites. It sounds to me like you are the worrier. My husband was very upset at my diagnosis, but he pretty much kept it all inside and stayed by my side when I was in the hospital. The only time he took me to drs appts was when I was not allowed to drive and far be it from him to go into the doctor's office with me. LOL Yet when he faced a prostate biopsy last year and every appt since he expects me to ride along with him. I get a chuckle out of that, but don't say a word. I just go. Please don't worry about things until you know you need to worry about them. If you think the new job is a great deal, go for it. Your good friends at the last job they will stick with you and I am sure you will make more new good friends to help you through any crisis you might have, also. You sound like a really good guy. Your wife won't necessarily get as sick as it sounds. My daughter went through chemo, I did not, but she had a 3 and a 7 year old at the time and worked at home almost daily, along with caring for horses she has. Chemo is not always a terrible ordeal, altho I don't mean to minimize it at all, sometimes it really is. Have faith that she will be one of the fortunate ones. If she isn't she has you by her side. Instead of feeling the ex may be even more problematic because of the breast cancer, consider she may be glad it is not her facing all this and for a change be thoughtful of your needs and your sons's. Let's look at the positive side and pray that it all works out that way. Prayers, MK

Hi Frank, glad to hear that your spirits are a little lighter. BTW, the sun is not shining here in Minnesota, either. In fact, it has been days since we've seen the sun. The only thing I would caution about changing jobs right now is to check on your health care insurance. If you are the one who carries the insurance for your family, you might want to check that if you change jobs Linda's treatments will be covered as they will be considered pre-existing conditions. It might be something to check on. Please encourage Linda to join us on the board. It would be nice to hear from her, too. Hugs, Lauri

No sun here in Michigan, it is really gray and wet, and has been for weeks.

Frank, like Julie, I was totally functional for my duration of treatment. Yes, she could have a hard time and yes, she could get sick. My chemo was on Tuesday and I went to lunch afterwards (mistake). Felt fine all day till 11:00, then nausea for about 5 minutes, I threw up once, and never had a stich of nausea again. I took off work on Wed and was just tired. I went to work half day on Thursday and Friday. I was determined to live a normal life and not let cancer or chemo take one minute from me. This went on for 12 weeks, 4 times.
I did radiation, took the 7:15 am time slot and went to work right after. I have no children to look after, but as a single gal, I took care of it all myself.

I really can't comment on the other issues, but agree with Jo-Ann and Lauri. Make the decisions as if BC was not in your life and carry on. Do check on the insurance though, no sense in going bankrupt.

As for statistics, there was less than 1% chance that I should even get diagnosed at age 30, but here I am. Somebody has to be that teeny percentage, and it was me. Even if they give her 10% chance to live 10 years, who says she cannot be in that 10%? Jo-Ann is living proof of that. The stats are just stats, just a way to try and predict what will happen...but your wife is not a stat, just a person.

It is my opinion that it is often harder on the caregivers and the family members than those going through it. I was able to fight actively, while others had to sit and watch. Take cues from your wife, and don't hold back. Don't feel like you need to be the strong one, be who you are and be there for her.
Lori

To each and every one of you.... thank you.

We are doing ok this evening... relaxing before meeting with the doctor tomorrow.

I will post as soon as I know more...

F

Hi, Frank, Well, the sun IS shining here in Las Vegas.  Glad the morning has brightened your spirits as well.  I think I agree with the poster who said you seem to be the "worrier" in the family.  Also the middle of the night is never the best time when there's an elephant sitting in the corner of your bedroom.

Re: chemo.  I was never nauseous during the whole time of my tx, so I never threw up.  I felt really well for 2 weeks and awful for one, just as Julie said.  If I had something impt. going on like family events (because thankfully life does go on and the routine is reassuring) I discussed it with my onc. and we worked around the event.  So don't expect the worst; everyone's body is different.

Your new job opportunity sounds exciting.  Discuss it with Linda; see what her feelings are about the change.  In the end the decision wll be yours but you'll make it with lots of imput from your partner.  I promise she still loves you, she is not fragile and her mind still functions clearly.  Don't think of her as someone who needs to be coddled and protected.  She is still the person she was before the dx, she just has lots more on her mind. 

Hope this helps you out.  Luci