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dragging my feet on a problematic symptom

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Breast Cancer
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Posted 6/10/2008 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
OK, I'm definately suffering from a pattern of dragging my feet when I'm scared I may have signs of a recurrance.  This stinks because I don't really have the right.  I call others to the carpet several times a day for not recognizing or correcting their maladaptive patterns.  I don't really have the right to just ignore mine, that-- and it's really poor judgment and just plain stupid to drag my feet when recurrences need to be caught early, right?  So hear this one out and please give me feedback.  I need sound words here.

 

I just went to my onc about a month ago.  I was ok.  My weight loss wasn't apparent yet.  Since that time, I've gone down two sizes and am thinner than I've ever been.  I've lost over twenty pounds.  At first I thought it was stress, and then have just been watching it to try and keep it off, but I've never really dieted before, and don't know how much of a difference I'm making with it and would frankly be surprised if I were this successful on my first try lol.  I've always been a reactive eater, and go up and down with stress.  Still, I've never been this thin, in 25 years anyway.  It's good, I wore a bikini yesterday for the first time in many many years, (Yeah, rah rah), but couple this with a new, constant pain in the bone in my mid back and it's got me in mets land in the back of my mind, nagging me.  I just went to my pcp about 6 weeks ago to inform him and check up on some explosive diarreah episodes that were too frequent over a six week period, which subsided (but i'm still not right there either).  I'm just not right, and have just seen two docs about other stuff.

 

I've been avoiding going these past few weeks because I just went and don't want to be an alarmist.  In september I'll have five years.  I get that 'what if I die and leave my son motherless' feeling all over again with this fear.  Two nurses I work with in separate sites each came up to me today with concern.  I have absolutely no insight into why I've been successful with this "diet" or if I am just losing.  My denial can be pretty sophisticated. 

 

Here's the kicker.  I should call, but I need a push or loving shove from you all.  help

Posted 6/10/2008 7:04 AM (GMT 0)
PUSH! SHOVE! Ellen as you yourself said, you need to go see your doctor! (I say this with love =-)
Please don't let fear stop you. I may be nothing serious, but you need to get in there.
That is a lot of weight to drop in 1 month. Just go and get it checked out so you can relax, or get busy if needed! OK? Keep us updated and now.....pick up the phone and CALL!
Love and Hugs,
Gail
Posted 6/10/2008 7:18 AM (GMT 0)
In 2003 I had breast cancer and now almost five years later it is back...one of my greatest fears!!! I to drag my feet....it has been a month since I saw my surgeon just for a checkup I thought.....he took a fine needle biopsy on my lymph nodes.....they came back positive for cancer....here to go again. I have had every test under the sun lately and this Friday they are going to put in a port and biopsy and I am scared. I didn't do chemo last time....I have children and I know your fear so you really need to go see a doctor....find out and you will feel better... if it is something you can come up with a plan which gives you control of the situation....if it isn't anything you will feel soooooo much better knowing. Please, please go to the doctor! Keep us posted. Power
Posted 6/10/2008 9:42 PM (GMT 0)
Ellen from one clinician to another....I'm gonna be blunt here....

When you need a reality check, go back over your old posts and read how many times you've been sure you had cancer/ mets. I think you let your anxiety and imagination run away with you and then you work yourself into a frenzy. This is not a healthy pattern for you...

You might consider seeing a doctor to r/o stomach/ intestinal issues, and get your thyroid checked too. Not for cancer, but a hyperactive thyroid can cause sudden weight loss too. And this is a hard one for a psychologist to accept...but please consider seeing someone for counseling for your anxiety. If you could see what I (we?) see in your posts....the fear, hysteria, alarm, anxiety, gloom and doom, always sure it is cancer....why would you want to live that way. There has to be an easier and more comfortable way for you to continue being a happy and healthy person and I think this is not it.

Hang in there, calm down, go see a doctor and then focus on you.

L&H,
Lori
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