Trying Hard to go completely over the top.

I know that even if there is a lump, chances are good that it won't be cancer. I know that I have had Polycystic Ovarian syndrome, and if I could have cysts there, maybe I have a cyst or two in my breast as well.

I know this and still there is fear. My DH was DX with Prostate Cancer when he turned 40, 1 in 36,000 chance of that, and yet he had it. My chances are 1 in 68. HMMM, and the odds keep decreasing. I fall back on the fact that no one in my family has a history of breast cancer, but than again, that does not account for most breast cancer. At least I am getting educated about all of this.

I am just afraid because I am thinking of my two kids and how scary it was 4 years ago, and how they are so small still, then I say, Hey, stop it. Your 2 kids are just fine, and you are not going anywhere. The smallest of voices creeps in and says, at least not yet.

I just need to breathe, and I need to try to relax, my test is on MON.

Thanks for letting me vent, whine, or whatever this is. Jane

My kids are 6 and 11.

My DH is in remission, has been for 4 years.  Early detection because he asked for a test he did not know that was recommened at age 50 not 40. :) Lucky us.

I am a bit angry in a way, because, I keep seeing 35 get a baseline on the internet. In magazines and my Dr's office poster I read 40. I did it at 40, had my Dr. said something I would have at 35. I have no history of BC in the family so I had no reason to do anything earlier, but I would have had the baseline at 35 if I had been informed. Sigh.

I don't feel any lumps, not a single one. I had a Clinical exam after the mammogram, not planned, just went in for some blood work, the lady keyed it as a wellness exam, and since I was there,I went ahead with the pap and the clinical exam. My Dr. did not feel a thing either. I get yearly clinicals and have since I was in my early 20's. My Dr. says I have never had an abnormal pap and could wait 3 years in between, but I say, I am getting older, not younger, and I will do them yearly. I actually was happy to have a "surprise Pap" because none of the dreaded anticipation. LOL.  I told my husband it is like getting for a date that you know is going to go really lousy. hee hee.

At any rate, I know I am over reacting, no worries until there is something to worry about. Even  if I felt a lump, most of them are b9! Right?  I also keep freaking myself out and I have decided the area under my arm is either a muscle or a HUGE lump. I need to stop examing my breasts now, as I have been about 3-4 times a day now. Still I feel nothing, so if it is there, it must be small.  I really need to stop speculating.

I do have to say, I have a better understanding of breast cancer now, and I will never again walk around without a clue. I have looked into volunteering with a local cancer organization. I image sometimes just running a few errands would mean the world, to someone who has kids and feels weak.

If this understanding is all this turns out to be, than I being scared was worth it.

Jane